My Dad seems scared of daily life

[PurpleSky300]

My Dad seems to be frightened of everything.

He's scared to make phone calls in case he fumbles over his words. He won't use the internet. If something breaks and he needs an electrician or a tradesman, he won't just ring one or search for one, he just says he doesn't know what to do. He just sits and waits.

I don't know how to explain it all except he's just stuck, he's anxious, the most simple tasks seem to paralyse him. He's 58 but he's frightened of the GP and of hospitals and he'll say "but what do I say, what are my symptoms, what do I say? Will they think I'm lying??". He thinks that he can hear his previous neighbours shouting abuse through the wall. I say to him "they're dead Dad", he says, "it's a recording of them".

He got a phone call from a wrong number and had an utter episode thinking it was the (dead) neighbour. He also thinks that his phone is bugged and that people have been breaking into his house when he is out. I don't know what to do. Some days I can barely get any sense out of him.

Has he always been like this? It sounds like he is mentally unwell. Would he go with you to the GP? Perhaps you could speak to his doctor and take him for 'check up'?

I thouhht you were going to say he was in his 80s - he sounds very mentally unwell. Would he see his GP if you accompanied him?

He sounds paranoid and mentally unwell. I’d ring his GP for advice. He needs help.

He needs to see his GP to be referred for MH support. I think you will need to make the appointment, and have to go with him to advocate for him.

Hes having a break down babe xx

This is very much my life. I've been diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, OCD, acute anxiety and also depression.

Its a very difficult way to live and is exhausting.

I will also just say my Dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia at 56 and exhibited alot of these same symptoms. Get him to his GP as the first port of call. Stay with him so you can give a clear history and if you're concerned about being able to speak freely, I'd ring and ask to speak to his GP ahead of the appointment, so you can be a bit more blunt about whats happening.

He’s very ill OP. This sounds like psychosis with paranoia. He needs to see a GP urgently before he gets any worse.

But surely all your neuro diversities don’t make you deluded and paranoid?

I think you should go with him to the GP, this could be early on set dementia or another mentally unwell in another way, getting him seen would be a really good step to take.

No my paranoia is based in my OCD , depression and anxiety I guess but in my adulthood I feel, socially, my ND has affected my ability to function which had a knock on effect of avoiding people etc

My late mum exhibited similar delusions and paranoia about her neighbours, who were apparently out to get her. Even when those neighbours moved away, she was convinced that they'd got the new neighbours to target her in the same way. She was terrified of them, and thought that I was the only person who 'believed' her, and that she couldn't even trust the doctors or anyone apart from me. She was indeed mentally unwell, had a complete breakdown and ended up in hospital for a couple of months.

First port of call is GP. If he deteriorates and you are concerned about his mental health you can self refer to your local crisis team for an assessment. Usually done via 111 option 2.

The neighbours thing is very, very long-standing but seems to flare up and then die down. Once, years ago, he had part of his living room soundproofed to try and stop the disturbance. And he'd say "listen, listen" and I used to press my ear right up against the wall to see if I could hear anything. I might hear very faint, very muffled TV sounds if I really crushed my ear against the wall, but nothing distinct. Nothing that sounded like a tape. Then he might be calmer and not mention neighbours for a time.

Sometimes I would say things like "Dad, that's silly", or "That's impossible" but it really aggravates him. I bought him a white noise machine to drown it out and that helped a bit. He doesn't recognise being unwell in any way and I'm not sure where some of these symptoms seem to crossover between anxiety, paranoia, irrational fears etc. If I took him to the GP about this, I would fully expect he would say something like - I'm making it up to get his house or money or something.

Your dad sounds unwell and not coping. You can ask for a social services assessment for your dad and they can refer to other services and get the GP involved. I would attend the assessment as well so you can tell them what you have noticed. If you ask mumsnet to move this post to the elderly parents thread (I realise he is not elderly but the concerns are the same as many older people) there is a lot of experience on there.

The first half of your post I was going to say" this sounds just like my mother."... So, gender aside, I understand where you're coming from.
"He's scared to make phone calls in case he fumbles over his words. He won't use the internet. If something breaks and he needs an electrician or a tradesman, he won't just ring one or search for one, he just says he doesn't know what to do. He just sits and waits.

I don't know how to explain it all except he's just stuck, he's anxious, the most simple tasks seem to paralyse him. He's 58 but he's frightened of the GP and of hospitals and he'll say "but what do I say, what are my symptoms, what do I say? Will they think I'm lying??". "

But the second half of your message? No. I'm afraid you've lost me. This sounds like it's definitely falling down into mental health issues.
"He thinks that he can hear his previous neighbours shouting abuse through the wall. I say to him "they're dead Dad", he says, "it's a recording of them".

He got a phone call from a wrong number and had an utter episode thinking it was the (dead) neighbour. He also thinks that his phone is bugged and that people have been breaking into his house when he is out. I don't know what to do. Some days I can barely get any sense out of him"

This is NOT normal ageing, or ""quirky" personality/behavior or anxieties.

Yes, but the OP’s father is literally hearing voices that don’t exist.

It isn’t OCD or anxiety or depression that is causing him severe auditory hallucinations. He is suffering from psychosis. He could be having a psychotic breakdown, he could have schizophrenia, he could have certain forms of dementia, or any number of serious illnesses, but whatever he’s got it’s causing symptoms way beyond those of the conditions you’re describing. He may have anxiety and depression as well, but he clearly has a hell of a lot more going on than that.

OP, he needs a doctor. If he’s unsure about going on his own, offer to go with him and talk to the GP with him. But hearing voices that aren’t real needs treatment ASAP.

You really need him to see a doctor, he is mentally unwell. It sounds like this has been going on for some time. What has prevented you seeking mental health help before? x

He sounds like my dad. He’s 70 but has always been like it. He’ll never change and despite him and my mum divorcing over 20 years ago he’s still dependent on her for organising medical appointments, mobile phone contracts etc. he’s on medication for depression but I don’t think you can change people.

The voices are concerning though

Yes I agree, sounds as though he has a cognitive impairment.
OP can you speak to his GP and ask for advise perhaps he need to be assessed for dementia. This is so sad for both of you. Especially as he sounds scared and definitely confused.

It sounds like he has been unwell.for years then. Please talk to his doctor and explain all these issues, especially the years of hearing noises, that isn't normal and sounds like Psychosis.

I don't know what ByRoseBird said at 04.46 this morning when they quoted my post, but I guess it was repulsive bile because it has now been deleted.

Good riddance.

Your dad isnt well. You need to take him to the doctors. He shouldnt be hearing voices op.