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My Dad seems scared of daily life

45 replies

PurpleSky300 · 15/12/2025 21:25

My Dad seems to be frightened of everything.

He's scared to make phone calls in case he fumbles over his words. He won't use the internet. If something breaks and he needs an electrician or a tradesman, he won't just ring one or search for one, he just says he doesn't know what to do. He just sits and waits.

I don't know how to explain it all except he's just stuck, he's anxious, the most simple tasks seem to paralyse him. He's 58 but he's frightened of the GP and of hospitals and he'll say "but what do I say, what are my symptoms, what do I say? Will they think I'm lying??". He thinks that he can hear his previous neighbours shouting abuse through the wall. I say to him "they're dead Dad", he says, "it's a recording of them".

He got a phone call from a wrong number and had an utter episode thinking it was the (dead) neighbour. He also thinks that his phone is bugged and that people have been breaking into his house when he is out. I don't know what to do. Some days I can barely get any sense out of him.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 16/12/2025 15:03

When my dp was hearing voices, I said that I fully accepted that he was hearing them, but that I couldn’t. I then asked him about them.

Please book a GP appointment for him, and go with him if you can. Just be honest, both in front of him and the GP. Write the symptoms down if you need to but it’s likely best just to say clearly what you’ve observed. Do say that this is not like him/its much worse than usual/what amount of time it’s worsened over.

Egglio · 16/12/2025 15:03

Oh your poor dad, it sounds like he has been in psychosis for years and untreated. I'm not surprised he is scared. It's never got bad enough to be unmanageable and at crisis point but enough to be present, like purgatory. He needs referral to MH services, but may still have a long wait.

SheinIsShite · 16/12/2025 15:05

Agree with others - the learned helplessness and anxiety is one issue. He can be taught to cope with making appointments, using the internet.

A separate and far more serious is believing he can hear dead people speaking to him, and paranoia about conspiracies and people being "out to get him". That indicates quite serious mental illness.

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Orangesandlemons77 · 16/12/2025 15:49

Egglio · 16/12/2025 15:03

Oh your poor dad, it sounds like he has been in psychosis for years and untreated. I'm not surprised he is scared. It's never got bad enough to be unmanageable and at crisis point but enough to be present, like purgatory. He needs referral to MH services, but may still have a long wait.

They should see someone urgently with psychosis

nocomingbackfromthis · 16/12/2025 15:55

At least one of the problems is psychosis. Please get him seen asap it can become very dangerous quickly.

Egglio · 16/12/2025 20:57

Orangesandlemons77 · 16/12/2025 15:49

They should see someone urgently with psychosis

I agree, but I worked as a mental health nurse for nearly 20 years, and if he isn't actively at risk to himself or others and isn't at a crisis point, he will not be urgent. I don't agree, but it is often the case.

Justchilling07 · 17/12/2025 20:23

SheinIsShite · 16/12/2025 15:05

Agree with others - the learned helplessness and anxiety is one issue. He can be taught to cope with making appointments, using the internet.

A separate and far more serious is believing he can hear dead people speaking to him, and paranoia about conspiracies and people being "out to get him". That indicates quite serious mental illness.

Personally, some of what you’ve said, is really dismissive, "learnt helplessness and anxiety”
If someone is feeling paranoid, frightened, part of that is feeling helpless, on edge all the time, hence anxiety, not being able to switch off.
Yes, op’s dad, needs professional support, asap, he’s at a stage, where, it’s really not that simple, for him to go to the doctors on his own, from what op has said he’s unable to express how he’s feeling. Intervention is needed from the person closest to him, that’s the thing with mental health, the person needs someone to advocate for them because they’re unable to do it themselves.

Allseeingallknowing · 17/12/2025 20:28

Sounds like some symptoms of dementia

Justchilling07 · 17/12/2025 20:37

@Allseeingallknowing op’s dad needs to be assessed, before jumping to conclusions.

PurpleSky300 · 17/12/2025 20:48

I decided to go and speak to his neighbour. She is an older woman, maybe 70s, lives alone.

I tried to ascertain if there were any reasonable explanation for what he has said, and it was worse than I expected, and now I know I have to get him help.

Neighbour says she might sometimes have the TV a bit loud because she is hard of hearing. So there might be a bit of sound from that. But she says HE (my Dad) shouts through the walls. Saying that he can hear a tape, and he knows what she's up to, knows she's bugged the phone etc, says she's paying people to follow him and stuff like that. Says that she's flushing the toilet at specific times of night to keep him awake?!

She said this went on for a while and she didn't know how to react so she got her son to "warn him off" verbally. He then stopped shouting but then the son got incorporated into whatever plots he thinks are happening.

I've booked him a GP appointment so he can explain all that he's hearing and let them try to help. I've apologised to the neighbour. I just feel unnerved by it all. I brushed this off because he used to smoke cannabis a lot, and I thought it was just "weed paranoia". But he's quit now and is still the same. And I think this feeds directly into why he's scared of things - he thinks everybody is out to get him, scam him, torment him, etc. I have no idea where we go from here but I am pinning hopes on the GP.

OP posts:
Tulipvase · 17/12/2025 20:53

I’m not sure about the voices but I saw an article the other day that said losing one’s self confidence can be a symptom of dementia.

bizkittt · 17/12/2025 21:48

Tulipvase · 17/12/2025 20:53

I’m not sure about the voices but I saw an article the other day that said losing one’s self confidence can be a symptom of dementia.

He’s 58, very unlikely to be dementia!

JennieTheZebra · 17/12/2025 21:53

I’m a mental health nurse. He does sound potentially psychotic. Good news is that, at 58, he’s still young enough to access his local Early Intervention in Psychosis (EIP) service. In many areas this is accessed through self referral, but well done for the GP appointment too. Hopefully the GP will see how bad things have gotten. If you don’t mind me asking, how is he managing day to day with cooking, washing, housework? Many people with psychosis struggle with these too and as the illness progresses these “activities of daily living” also start to deteriorate.

JohnTheRevelator · 17/12/2025 21:58

He sounds mentally unwell.

Tulipvase · 17/12/2025 22:01

bizkittt · 17/12/2025 21:48

He’s 58, very unlikely to be dementia!

Yes. But early onset dementia exists for a reason.

Not sure how common any of the possibilities are really given his age.

Hope your dad recovers soon OP.

IndigoBabble · 17/12/2025 22:08

Hi OP as others have said it does sound like he suffering some sort of psychosis. I’m not a mental health worker but have had a placement in community mental health services in the past. Glad you’ve booked a GP appointment which is a great first step. I would suggest writing a list of concerns to take with you. If he refuses to go to the appointment go yourself and make sure the GP listens to your concerns. This does sound quite serious and he could be a danger not only to himself but to others if he doesn’t get support. I hope you are ok. This is a horrible situation for you to be in but you need to persist as he clearly needs help. Good luck and let us know how the GP appointment goes x

ThePoetsWife · 17/12/2025 22:20

The weed explains a lot - it’s known to cause paranoia and the damage can be permanent after long term use

silverbirches · 17/12/2025 22:24

ThePoetsWife · 17/12/2025 22:20

The weed explains a lot - it’s known to cause paranoia and the damage can be permanent after long term use

I read the OP's update and thought the same thing.

FictionalCharacter · 18/12/2025 12:08

PurpleSky300 · 17/12/2025 20:48

I decided to go and speak to his neighbour. She is an older woman, maybe 70s, lives alone.

I tried to ascertain if there were any reasonable explanation for what he has said, and it was worse than I expected, and now I know I have to get him help.

Neighbour says she might sometimes have the TV a bit loud because she is hard of hearing. So there might be a bit of sound from that. But she says HE (my Dad) shouts through the walls. Saying that he can hear a tape, and he knows what she's up to, knows she's bugged the phone etc, says she's paying people to follow him and stuff like that. Says that she's flushing the toilet at specific times of night to keep him awake?!

She said this went on for a while and she didn't know how to react so she got her son to "warn him off" verbally. He then stopped shouting but then the son got incorporated into whatever plots he thinks are happening.

I've booked him a GP appointment so he can explain all that he's hearing and let them try to help. I've apologised to the neighbour. I just feel unnerved by it all. I brushed this off because he used to smoke cannabis a lot, and I thought it was just "weed paranoia". But he's quit now and is still the same. And I think this feeds directly into why he's scared of things - he thinks everybody is out to get him, scam him, torment him, etc. I have no idea where we go from here but I am pinning hopes on the GP.

It would be worth telling the GP in advance. For one thing he might decide you and the GP are part of a conspiracy against him. And he might put on a big act of reasonableness for the doctor, like my late mum did when we took her. It was dementia not psychosis in her case, but she sat calmly and told amazing stories about how well she was looking after herself and the house. None of it was true but he believed it all.

PermanentTemporary · 18/12/2025 12:15

Please go with him to the GP.

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