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Original poster

Going to my work party, I am 5 mins from pulling out

62 replies

workpartypanic · 13/12/2025 17:57

Work party tonight. It’s a hired hall, buffet, music etc.

I’ve been off for a week with severe endometriosis flare and depression. I’ve promised I’ll go for a short while (been told it’s OK) but I’m panicking, everyone’s putting photos on Facebook of cocktail dresses.

I’ve been bleeding for six weeks, I’m exhausted, I’m suffering hot flushes.

I’m wearing navy jeans, a black top, a bright pink sequin cardigan and black ankle boots. Minus the cardigan and heavy make up I’d wear the rest on a normal day…

Is this ridiculously bad? I’m exhausted. I tried on a dress and I honestly look ridiculously bad. The only dresses I have are 2 summer dresses, and a wedding day dress and just no.

I’ve also been struggling for cash lately so didn’t want to buy. technically this pink thing is meant to be a wrap dress but it’s a shit fit, my belly bloat bulge is visible when I sit down.

Are jeans honestly OK? I’m not intending on staying too long. I’m so close to just not going, I don’t want to make myself look a prat.

OP posts:
Ohpleeeease · 13/12/2025 18:21

TinselTitts · 13/12/2025 18:08

You will look very nice, and (sorry to be a bitch) at least some of the cocktail dresses won't.

That's probably one of the weirdest things I've read in a long while.

How on earth can you know either of those things?

Show quote history

She’s right. There are always women who dress a size too tight for a night out. It’s hardly an unknown phenomenon.

SoManyDandelions · 13/12/2025 18:22

Your outfit sounds great!

You'll feel worse if you don't go, because you'll be worried about the fact you didn't go.

Go. Tell yourself you'll stay for an hour. If you end up having fun and stating for longer then that's a bonus.

sunflowerparty · 13/12/2025 18:23

I'm going to go against the grain here - you should go! You don't need a cocktail dress; you've got sequins and that's festive and fun! And I doubt you'll be the only one without a cocktail dress.

Walk in there with the full confidence of knowing that if at any stage you want to leave, you can just say "it's been so lovely seeing everyone - I'm still not feeling 100% so I think I need to get some rest at home, but I hope you all have a great night" and head home. It sounds like this might be what you need to get your confidence back to return on Monday.

TinselTitts · 13/12/2025 18:24

Ohpleeeease · 13/12/2025 18:21

She’s right. There are always women who dress a size too tight for a night out. It’s hardly an unknown phenomenon.

Show quote history

But she knows the OP "Will look very nice"?

I'd say it's more probable that everyone will look quite nice 🤷‍♂️

Dominoeffecter · 13/12/2025 18:25

I think popping along for a while in something you feel comfortable in will help you and ease your return on Monday, if they are half decent then they’ll be happy to see you. It’s also the weekend so it’s not as if you’ve been off work today.

Original poster
workpartypanic · 13/12/2025 18:27

I’m on the train now … hopefully it goes better than I’m picturing. I’ll be glad to get home later!!!

OP posts:
Snooks1971 · 13/12/2025 18:28

SoManyDandelions · 13/12/2025 18:22

Your outfit sounds great!

You'll feel worse if you don't go, because you'll be worried about the fact you didn't go.

Go. Tell yourself you'll stay for an hour. If you end up having fun and stating for longer then that's a bonus.

This. I have to force myself to go to social stuff (very minimal). If anything it will dilute the whole ‘going back in on Monday’ thing.

Dominoeffecter · 13/12/2025 18:28

workpartypanic · 13/12/2025 18:27

I’m on the train now … hopefully it goes better than I’m picturing. I’ll be glad to get home later!!!

Well done you, it’s a feat getting out when you feel low.

Snooks1971 · 13/12/2025 18:29

Oh sorry OP! I’m a smidge too late posting! Well done!

Rainbowcat77 · 13/12/2025 18:31

MrsDoubtingMyself · 13/12/2025 18:00

Honestly? Despite what your employer says, I wouldn't go to a social event if I'd been off work sick, all week

This…no matter what’s been said people will use it against you when push comes to shove and even if they don’t you’ll feel obliged to go back on Monday no matter how awful you feel.

plus, you’re going to feel like crap and worry about clothes etc all night…just not worth it!

Rainbowcat77 · 13/12/2025 18:32

workpartypanic · 13/12/2025 18:27

I’m on the train now … hopefully it goes better than I’m picturing. I’ll be glad to get home later!!!

Oh whoops I didn’t see this, sorry!!
I hope it goes better than you think then.

PersephonePomegranate · 13/12/2025 18:32

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 13/12/2025 18:01

There's never anything wrong with jeans and a smart top for a work Christmas do.

You will look very nice, and (sorry to be a bitch) at least some of the cocktail dresses won't.

Go along and have a nice hour or so, you'll feel much better, then you can come home after a job well done.

Yes, that does sound bitchy and I seriously doubt you are sorry because you still typed it out and pressed send. People should be free to wear what they feel good in, whether that's jeans or a cocktail dress, without people (other women) being critical. You don't have to insinuate other people will look shit to make the OP feel better!

OP, wear what you feel most comfortable in, your outfit sounds lovely. If you'd be most comfortable in yours PJs on the sofa and giving the party a miss, that's fine too, don't feel pressured by promising anyone anything.

It sounds like you've had a really tough week! Consider whether going for an hour would make you feel better or worse. Sometimes it feels safer to stay home, but once you've committed to that, the social isolation hits.

PersephonePomegranate · 13/12/2025 18:34

Also too late in posting! Well done for getting out! Hope you have a good time or at least a bit brighter for making the effort.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 13/12/2025 18:40

Good luck OP! Hope it goes well. I think it's lovely that your colleagues were so keen to see and include you!

Newsenmum · 13/12/2025 18:56

Dont go, youre sick!!!

jenny38 · 13/12/2025 19:06

Well done for going OP. It sounds like it was outside of your comfort zone, and you have done it.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 13/12/2025 19:16

PersephonePomegranate · 13/12/2025 18:32

Yes, that does sound bitchy and I seriously doubt you are sorry because you still typed it out and pressed send. People should be free to wear what they feel good in, whether that's jeans or a cocktail dress, without people (other women) being critical. You don't have to insinuate other people will look shit to make the OP feel better!

OP, wear what you feel most comfortable in, your outfit sounds lovely. If you'd be most comfortable in yours PJs on the sofa and giving the party a miss, that's fine too, don't feel pressured by promising anyone anything.

It sounds like you've had a really tough week! Consider whether going for an hour would make you feel better or worse. Sometimes it feels safer to stay home, but once you've committed to that, the social isolation hits.

Show quote history

Oh don't be such a humourless little prig

I was making a joke because the OP was fretting about her outfit vs the cocktail dresses - inevitably they will not all look as glam as the OP had framed them in her imagination. At the average office work do, not everyone looks great, in no way does this make them bad people or mean that they shouldn't dress as they want, no one cares.

The point was to jolly the OP along, so she went, which she should, because her boss has asked her to - this means it would not be optimal for her to sit on the sofa in her PJs.

And now she has gone so all good.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 13/12/2025 19:17

workpartypanic · 13/12/2025 18:27

I’m on the train now … hopefully it goes better than I’m picturing. I’ll be glad to get home later!!!

Ace!

QuirkyMoose · 13/12/2025 19:29

I don't dance, I don't like cocktail dresses I don't like the discomfort of it, I also have endometriosis, and I think you're outfit sounds fine. If you feel that you're massively underdressed well, who cares? It's a party. You're supposed to just enjoy yourself at a party. You said that people asked you to come, you're ready to go, and you're going to go? Then go. You don't have to stay that long. You say you're back to work on Monday, you say that it'll be better for you socially to go, then go.

Crinkle77 · 13/12/2025 19:30

Your employers are out of order for expecting you to go. Its an event out of working hours so no one should be obligated to go especially when you've been off sick.

Gentlydoesit2 · 13/12/2025 19:34

It doesn't sound like you're going to enjoy yourself OP. put the PJ's on and stay home

PurpleDisco · 13/12/2025 20:07

@workpartypanic you did the right thing in going to the party especially as your work colleagues made it clear they wanted you to go. Staying an hour or 2 is the right amount of time as you’ve been off sick.

This night out will ease you in gently for going back on Monday as it will have broken the ice. Try not to over think things (easier said than done!) as situations are never as bad in reality compared to in your imagination. Catastrophising is a waste of time and energy.

I hope you have a lovely evening out, you’ll feel much better when you come home and will be glad you went!

bumptybum · 13/12/2025 20:14

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 13/12/2025 18:01

There's never anything wrong with jeans and a smart top for a work Christmas do.

You will look very nice, and (sorry to be a bitch) at least some of the cocktail dresses won't.

Go along and have a nice hour or so, you'll feel much better, then you can come home after a job well done.

Your comment comes across as quite bitchy

Original poster
workpartypanic · 13/12/2025 20:27

both my managers have hugged me, so I guess it’s OK. I’m just downing vodka like it’s water which is a horrendous idea. Social anxiety is horrible. I had to take time off because I was having suicidal thoughts last week. I haven’t told anyone that. Not at work, not family. Not my therapist.

OP posts:
Bayroot1 · 13/12/2025 20:37

Sounds like you work with good people.

Please talk though. Not tonight but as soon as possible. You're not alone in this 💐