Is this childish? FOMO at Christmas

[PurpleSky300]

I am one of those people who buys into the hype of Christmas - as far as I'm concerned, I save all year for it and the whole month of December is for markets, meals out, parties, shows, baking, guilt-free time off work and all the things I don't get to do often during the rest of the year.

But every year, I always feel a bit flat when I'm faced with my actual reality, which is nothing like that. I live alone and am lucky if I can drag my friends once or twice to the pub, or for a meal. Those who have children are very much preoccupied with their families, which I can understand. My parents are bored with it all. I ask and people say they're busy, they're skint, everything is too loud/expensive at Christmas, it's too far to go, etc, etc.

It feels like a kick in the teeth. At Christmas I feel this enormous sense that everyone, everywhere is out there having the time of their lives, and even though I have people around me in some sense, I can't take part. Is it just fear of missing out? Am I lonely or trying to relive my childhood or what? The only person who has made time for me so far this Xmas is my GM (90). I visited her on the coast and we baked cinnamon biscuits and watched musicals like old times, it was nice.

If you love the hype but don’t have so many people to share it (a bit late for this year) but ask around at community centres, older persons complexes etc to see if they need volunteers for activities - for instance the one closest to me brought as many residents as was ok to bring them out to the community carol singing yesterday and relied on local volunteers to push wheelchairs and support residents (they don’t have 1:1 staff plus some staff have to remain with residents who can’t cope with trips out), a lovely way to enjoy Christmas festivities and give back to the community. On Christmas Eve I’m driving preplated dinners to vulnerable people living alone /unable to cook apart from a microwave, finally loom and see if your area has a “meet up” group, ours meets weekly at various pubs but even on other days people post they are going to x and you just join together

I think you need to stop building your expectations of christmas around other people. I'm single and childfree and have a set of christmas traditions that I do every year. If friends can come, great. If not I go alone. Each year I visit a new christmas market and I go to muppets christmas carol and white christmas at the cinema. I also take a thermos of mulled wine to stand and watch our decorated tractor parade. Friends joined me for both cinema trip amd the orhee two I did myself.

do it without people, do it by yourself. No harm in it, then you won’t be disappointed. :) I love christmas stuff but like you I find those around me don’t really enjoy it!

Lower your expectations of other people - they will never make it happen for you. You have to find the magic in the small things, particularly acts of service - like the time you spent with your grandmother. Perhaps go to a candlelit church service and find some spiritual nourishment. Do a Christmas quiz for your work mates. Volunteer at a night shelter.

Instead of waiting to be invited to a party, why not host one? And if you’ve got nieces and nephews, have a day out with them and treat them to hot chocolate and ice skating - surely they'd share the Christmas joy with you?

the whole month of December is for markets, meals out, parties, shows, baking, guilt-free time off work and all the things I don't get to do often during the rest of the year.
I don't recognise this version of December at all outside of movies.

markets - there was a pop-up one in town today. It filled 15 mins while I was waiting for DD to finish her dance class and that was that
meals out - we do a Christmas work lunch. It's never been an evening thing. Sometimes have a school mum evening one
parties - never been to a Christmas party, not known anyone talk about hosting one for about 15 years
shows - unless you really like panto this isn't a Christmas thing
baking - not a social thing anyway so if you friends don't want to do this it makes no odds to whether you do or not
guilt-free time off work - weird one. Do you feel guilty for taking annual leave at any other time of the year? I don't.

It definitely is odd yeah.

People who have kids might save for all the jazz around that, but not usually as much as for a summer holiday

But to make it the main thing you save for, especially as a single person, it is unusual and appears not to be a good idea, either in theory or in your specific example - how much can a couple of meals out and parties have to cost?

I'm a fellow nutcase too. I don't think it's childish. It's about finding joy at a dark time of the year, feeling part of something larger than myself and my immediate family. There is certainly nostalgia involved, but it's not only that.

The day you described with your GM sounds lovely, but not commercial hype at all. Baking together and watching old films is the exact opposite of consumerist nonsense PP have talked about.

I love being part of a crowd or community at Christmas. I'm not religious, but I love going to a packed out cathedral or large church for a carol service. I get a similar vibe when going to a show or comedy gig this time of year. You don't need to be with friends or family for that. I love decorating my home and hosting. If your parents are bored of Christmas that's fine, but they can't be bored of seeing you and having a drink and a laugh with you on a random Friday night in December. If your friends are skint, then you've enough put aside to buy some beers and nice nibbles to eat so they can come round to yours one night. Maybe for your non-nutter friends and family take the focus off 'Christmas hype' and focus on connecting with them in whatever ways work

No you aren’t being unreasonable OP, Christmas is a time you want to be spending with people doing all the fun things you’ve envisioned and when your expectations don’t happen you’re left feeling sad/lonely/let down. Of course it will leave you feeling sad anyone would. I’m glad your lovely nan spent some time with you.

I think the best thing would be to try and lower your expectations, just so you don’t feel so let down. I agree with the poster who suggested volunteering, only if you’ve time or would want too.

I also miss Christmas from childhood, it was so different from today. I have a family but we don’t have the type of gatherings I had as a child with a big extended family and loads of cousins etc. I also don’t drink now and I absolutely do look at peoples photos of social nights out with glasses of fizz and I always get that feeling of FOMO and sadness. But I’ve learned to appreciate what I’ve got, I’ve got a lovely home and my children are safe and happy. I don’t have anxiety which I would get from hangovers etc. and I make sure to have things lined up which are realistic and suit my life. So long walks with a hot chocolate. Christmas shopping with my sister. Watch favorite Christmas movies with a big plate of cheese and chocolate.

my Christmas will be very different to someone else’s version of Christmas and that’s okay, not everyone’s having fancy nights out and glittery twinkly festive drinks. Some people are alone, some are visiting a hospital, some are homeless, some are lonely and so spend their Christmas helping others. But you are human and everyone feels the same emotions and I hope you find some things this Christmas that give you a feeling of joy x

Do you voice your expectations to friends and family in advance?

You buy gifts so presume you are going somewhere on Christmas Day.

You say you save all year, but do others? Are you springing expensive days out on people.

When I was 32 (which wasn’t that long ago) but bit before instagram told me what made a person happy, me and my then BF (now H) had some disposable income and I could have made him do and pay for anything I wanted.

We went to a London market once to buy some presents, we went to pubs with fairy lights to watch some football. We met up with friends and played games whilst getting hammered in a house.

We walked across London parks, bought a newspaper, found a pub with a fire and did a crossword and read articles and had conversations. With fairy lights.

Nothing that different to November weekends.

I think your expectations are off the scale and you might miss the great company and time spent together with others by thinking things should be in a certain way, doing tick box things.

What does Christmas mean to you OP?
For many it’s not what you need to save all year for.

Well, I did say hardly anybody 😊
No, I suppose you're not that unusual if you break it down into a couple of work do's, meeting up with friends and going to a Christmas market.
I didn't think of it like that.
I got the impression the OP was picturing more of an extravaganza.
I must admit, the only big parties I've been to have been at New Year, but it's just the two of us this year.
Which is nice. You know, quiet.

Maybe put invites out on SM?
You may be pleasantly surprised that there are people who are into it as much as you are

A lot of Christmas activities involve children,
I would ask the friends with children if you can tag along to some activities, they will like having someone to help

Saving up all year for Christmas and then having an Absolute blast and enjoying loads of stuff in December? Not odd at all

Saving up all year for Christmas and then never doing anything, but carrying on doing it year after year? A little odd

do you hold parties? Arrange dinners out?

I’m sorry @PurpleSky300 , I can understand how this would feel. I hope you find others to do things with. I agree that ‘meetup’ is a good idea.

My DH both work FT in very busy jobs and have kids. So I am very much maxed out in everyday life and extra Christmas things (at school/work/etc) honestly all just feel like extra pressure. I do make time for single friends but realistically the ones I see often are happy to come over in relaxed clothes, eat pizza and watch a movie without too much pressure to be the perfect Christmas hostess. My definite reluctance to doing things like Christmas markets etc isn’t a reflection of how I feel about friends, it’s more about the weight of my day to day responsibilities.

I love Christmas but I’ve realised that a lot of people don’t. They find it stressful, expensive and a lot of faff.

Just enjoy it yourself OP and accept that not everyone feels the way you do.

Could it be that you’re suggesting expensive, often late night or busy activities (shows, meals out, parties) but your friends (especially those with children) might be more amenable to child friendly activities, or the type of no expense day you had with your grandmother? It’s an expensive time of year and many struggle to find the money for all this stuff. I would then plan the shows and markets on your own, or join some groups with other like minded people. I sympathise as it feels like everyone is out doing all these things.

I completely understand OP the pressure is a lot. Even in shops all the ‘sequins and Christmas party clothes’ are everywhere!
I am a little bit older mid thirties and have kids now to December is manic. Multiple school events and Christmas fair, light trail, we have a party tonight actually! Then seeing family daily over the Christmas week.
At your ages though I was working shifts and often worked Christmas. I’d have my work do, maybe drinks with friends and then as we lived in London I’d potter down carnaby street or Covent Garden on my days off soaking up the atmosphere.
Not sure the answer is to have kids haha but different phases look different at Christmas!

I think the problem is, for the majority of people, even though it is Christmas and December, real life goes on

I can't have guilt free time off work...I don't work that kind of job.

My kids still have their usual sporting hobbies on weekends through December, in fact I have pressure from both of their teams Christmas parties so thats another weekend taken up.

Things are expensive. I wouldn't spend the cost of drink and snack at a Christmas market, its way out of my price range. Add to the present buying for the kids as well and there isn't that much spare money

We then have 2 sets of family that want to see us, a dog who needs ferrying to the pet care, the usual boring chores... until actually December 24th, life if a busy "normal"

I imagine its the same for many people so its probably not that people are not bothered to see you and do nice things, its likely that real life is jam packed, Christmas is another (lovely) pressure and by the time you get to pause its practically Christmas day.

I am in my 50s and have adult children. I have always struggled with Christmas if I am honest. There is a lot of pressure to have a type of Christmas (and now the whole of December it seems) that is magical and like something off the telly. We set ourselves up to fail.

I think we all are trying to re-enact some part of our childhood which is funny really because my childhood Christmas’s were very simple affairs; tree didn’t go up until after 16th December (Mum’s birthday), small family gatherings on Christmas Day and Boxing Day, home cooked simple (not Nigella) foods, affordable presents (I still remember getting a dictionary for Christmas which I loved and still have from my Grandmother - I was a weird kid) and little fuss unlike these days. When I was older it was about Christmas Eve in the pub!

When I had children I wanted to make it special and I guess since then because I’ve worried about it, I have never enjoyed it as much as when I was younger and Christmas just happened. Don’t get me wrong my kids love Christmas and the family time, but it’s just how I’ve always felt inside.

The trouble these days is that Christmas is rammed down our throats from the beginning of November now which is just ridiculous. It’s all very commercial which is why, it’s about getting us to spend our money (which we do), but we need to remember what it’s really about.
If you aren’t religious, then focus on family time if that’s what is right. If family aren’t interested then find something that helps you focus on others. My sister in law often volunteers at a homeless kitchen on Christmas Day, she loves it. Still has some time for her own family but makes Christmas about ‘giving to others’. I foster so we make that our focus alongside our adult (but childless) children.
I don’t go out much in the run up to Christmas, it’s expensive and noisy/busy, but I make sure I check in and see people. We have coffee/do a dog walk or whatever. It’s not ‘Christmas themed’ or costing lots of money, it’s just seeing my friends.

My advice is to stop looking at what Christmas pretends to be these days, and consider what it really means to you and do things which make you and the people around you feel better. Often that feeling you are looking for comes from the most unexpected of places!

At 32 I was in a similar boat to you OP. The saving grace was one small group of child-free friends so there was one social event to look forward to (a gathering at someone’s house).

Are you close to any of your friend’s kids? Would you enjoy taking one of them on a day out? If you love the magic of Christmas you might find a brilliant companion for a lights trail or ice skating etc in one of your friend’s kids and the parents would likely be delighted to have a bit of time to get through their to do list.

December can be tough if you don’t have people to do festive things with. Hopefully there may still be time to find local Meet Up group that’s got a few Christmas activities, and I’d make it a priority in 2026 to find a couple of hobby groups, and if these do not have Christmas parties, you could sieze the chance to do the arranging!

It's an expensive time of year, because people have to buy for their children, possibly family, in laws, friends. But it isn't expensive for you, according to what you've told us that you don't have a lot of people to buy for, so you save up all your money for Christmas but don't get to do all the things you imagine are Christmassy things.

what people are saying is, why not use your saved money for more enjoyable times like over the summer months, when you can start to build a social network, and when you're more likely to be able to do more enjoyable things than sitting there thinking everyone is having a fun time but you

I don't really understand why you can't comprehend that not everyone thinks the same way you do

A lot of people hate Christmas

A lot of people like quiet Christmas

A lot of people can't afford to spend all month at parties, going out for meals, to shows, markets etc

A lot of people would rather spend their money on other things in December.

An lot of people don't want to do lots of stuff in December as it's all too much.

Everyone is different... my friend absolutely adores going into London the week before and doing all her Christmas shopping in and around Oxford Street....my idea of hell going to a crowded , busy place doing last minute shopping.

You like the idea of aving up and trying to chase an impossible idea if being festive and merry and out all month... But the reality is, you don't actually like what happens, because you're imagining that everyone else is wanting to and doing the same....when they're not. They might go to 1 or 2 parties, mostly work parties, and maybe another... They might go to a panto that Granny and Grandad bought family tickets for etc....

Christmas can be very very expensive and people just can't afford to spend for example ...£40pp on that Christmas party and drinks, another £120 on a night out with the girls, £30pp on the panto, £25pp on a lights trail, £30pp on lunch out, £8pp on a cheap hotdog and £12pp on a crap beer from a Christmas Market stall... Plus presents, plus food, plus travel etc

I sort of understand where you are coming from OP. Obviously there are childhood Christmases and I remember a time in my 20s when Christmas was full of fun nights in the pub, nights out etc.

That stopped and, for me, the wonder of Christmas was more around my small children but now they have grown older and really it’s a bit ‘meh’ now.

I’ve embraced the ‘meh’ and stopped looking at the ads with full houses etc and wishing that was me. Just go with it OP and enjoy every other week of your the year!