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Can someone help me to feel grateful for what I haven’t something so I can carry on?

51 replies

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:07

I’m crying outside the garden centre. I am okay for a while and then I just feel like crying and disappearing again. Life just seems so difficult

OP posts:
IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:24

Dh is nice too but he works away a lot and so it’s all down to me a lot

OP posts:
Catpiece · 12/12/2025 13:24

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:18

Yes it’s all so jolly and so much pressure

It is and if you’re not feeling it it’s hard. Try to take it easy as much as possible. Make Christmas a time to relax as much as you’re able xx

TeenLifeMum · 12/12/2025 13:25

I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. The one thing that helped me was to gain perspective by telling myself this is just how I feel right now and it is a phase. It will feel better again. There may be things you can do to help but some things may be out of your control and you have to ride it out.

Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 12/12/2025 13:26

Go home
Have a cup of tea
Go for a walk
Make a list of presents you need
Get them online later today
Cancel the family events if you can (they'll just have to understand)
Consider a pared back, Christmas, make it as easy as you can for yourself
Do whatever makes you happy
Don't read any news or doom scroll, it won't help

My husband often says to me if I'm fed up "go and do something that makes you happy" and it really helps. Good luck, I hope we've all helped.

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:26

TeenLifeMum · 12/12/2025 13:25

I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. The one thing that helped me was to gain perspective by telling myself this is just how I feel right now and it is a phase. It will feel better again. There may be things you can do to help but some things may be out of your control and you have to ride it out.

It does just seem like rather a long phase of my life and I don’t see any end to it

OP posts:
EducatingArti · 12/12/2025 13:27

It sounds like it might be a mix of huge day to say stress and past history of a not very supportive family

My advice would be to go to your GP and explore the possibility of starting antidepressants. They have definitely been helpful for me

I know the feeling of not wanting to be here any more ( different from an active plant to take your own life) and would suggest you tell your GP that you sometimes feel like this.

I agree with pp who suggest cutting yourself some slack and making Christmas as easy as possible. You don't have to get everything perfect or anywhere near it

I'm wondering if you are the sort of person who keeps yourself going by "telling yourself off" about your attitudes and imperfections. You probably need some gentle TLC instead.

I would suggest you might like to look at more psychotherapy in the New Year of you can afford it.

Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 12/12/2025 13:27

And check your HRT dose!

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:27

Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 12/12/2025 13:26

Go home
Have a cup of tea
Go for a walk
Make a list of presents you need
Get them online later today
Cancel the family events if you can (they'll just have to understand)
Consider a pared back, Christmas, make it as easy as you can for yourself
Do whatever makes you happy
Don't read any news or doom scroll, it won't help

My husband often says to me if I'm fed up "go and do something that makes you happy" and it really helps. Good luck, I hope we've all helped.

Thank you yes. I’m taking a few deep breaths and will drive around for a bit then go home and go for walk

OP posts:
Mandarinaduck · 12/12/2025 13:28

Oh gosh that sounds very hard. Sympathies. Christmas can be a very demanding season.
What do you feel in yourself you need most? Some rest, some distraction, a treat, a small and quiet outing just for you, some help from others? Just to give yourself a break and accept that you do not have to manage everything and make it perfect?

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:29

Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 12/12/2025 13:27

And check your HRT dose!

I recently had a review but I can’t really say whether it works or not because my life is just quite hard so how do you know if it is stress or hormones?

OP posts:
Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 12/12/2025 13:31

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:29

I recently had a review but I can’t really say whether it works or not because my life is just quite hard so how do you know if it is stress or hormones?

It's notoriously hard to judge, I've had GPs tell me so. But it's worth looking at your symptoms and maybe some of them are hormonal. My HRT provider upped mine because I completed a symptom checker and these symptoms improved once my HRT dose was increased. Worth considering anyway.

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:31

Mandarinaduck · 12/12/2025 13:28

Oh gosh that sounds very hard. Sympathies. Christmas can be a very demanding season.
What do you feel in yourself you need most? Some rest, some distraction, a treat, a small and quiet outing just for you, some help from others? Just to give yourself a break and accept that you do not have to manage everything and make it perfect?

Someone to help with the uni applications, appointments with dd, constant preparing of food for dd, do my full time job that is not well paid, clean house, buy presents, help dd to apply for jobs, help me stop feeling anxious, help me make decisions. Help me stop being such a negative old cow

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 12/12/2025 13:32

I hear you @IwishIwasapigeon. Christmas can be very stressful and you've got a lot going on. If you were my friend I'd give you a big hug, so I hope you don't mind if I send you a virtual one <<hug>>

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:32

Thank you all though. Feel a bit better and will leave the dam car park now!

OP posts:
IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:33

DramaAlpaca · 12/12/2025 13:32

I hear you @IwishIwasapigeon. Christmas can be very stressful and you've got a lot going on. If you were my friend I'd give you a big hug, so I hope you don't mind if I send you a virtual one <<hug>>

Oh dear you set me off again.

OP posts:
BigBilly · 12/12/2025 13:35

I totally understand how you feel and your post has set me off! if you can get out for a walk or some time to yourself each day, you will feel a little better, especially first thing in the morning, good luck, sounds like you're a very lovely mum!

TeenLifeMum · 12/12/2025 13:51

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:26

It does just seem like rather a long phase of my life and I don’t see any end to it

I have three teenage girls and the worry when they get older can really be overwhelming. I give myself permission to have lazy days occasionally and dh and I go and do things we love, just us, away from the stresses.

DramaAlpaca · 12/12/2025 13:55

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:33

Oh dear you set me off again.

Oh no, I'm sorry! You've set me off now, too!

TeenLifeMum · 12/12/2025 13:56

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 13:31

Someone to help with the uni applications, appointments with dd, constant preparing of food for dd, do my full time job that is not well paid, clean house, buy presents, help dd to apply for jobs, help me stop feeling anxious, help me make decisions. Help me stop being such a negative old cow

School seemed to help uni application so I just did a proof read of her statement and dh made the payment (had no idea you had to pay to apply!).

House - we have a cleaning company 2 hours a week and they are amazing. They are my luxury item because we both work full time and I don’t want to spend time off cleaning. This was something I was able to control. Back when I had a toddler and newborn twins we had little money but had a cleaner once a fortnight.

meals - I used to make more so we’d have 2 days worth and could heat left overs, now they are all eating more, I never have enough leftovers. One day last week it was all too much so we had beens on toast. We all survived. Christmas really does put the pressure on though.

IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 14:04

TeenLifeMum · 12/12/2025 13:56

School seemed to help uni application so I just did a proof read of her statement and dh made the payment (had no idea you had to pay to apply!).

House - we have a cleaning company 2 hours a week and they are amazing. They are my luxury item because we both work full time and I don’t want to spend time off cleaning. This was something I was able to control. Back when I had a toddler and newborn twins we had little money but had a cleaner once a fortnight.

meals - I used to make more so we’d have 2 days worth and could heat left overs, now they are all eating more, I never have enough leftovers. One day last week it was all too much so we had beens on toast. We all survived. Christmas really does put the pressure on though.

Thanks. Of course I’m going to come back and tell you why I can’t do any of that. Dd is anorexic. I have to prepare all her food separately and weigh every ingredient. It has to be ready at an exact time or she can’t eat.
cleaner- well I don’t have money for that really, but I suppose I could give up something else for that
Dh and I should go out and do soenthin, that’s a good idea

OP posts:
IwishIwasapigeon · 12/12/2025 14:05

But I’m home and we are going for a walk in a min

OP posts:
sashh · 12/12/2025 14:42

Can the teens help out with cooking? I don't know much about anorexia so sorry if that is a stupid comment.

Talk to your teans about Xmas, they might surprise you.

Do domething just for hou every day. A cup of tea in a spevial mug/cup, listen to birds singing, just domething for you.

OneDayIShould · 12/12/2025 14:43

What you said about wanting to accidentally die really stuck a chord with me. I felt that for a year or two. Hoping there was a sniper out there that would just take me out!! And just make it all stop.
BUT I feel better now. You will too.
You sound amazing. Not weak at all. The sky wont fall in if you don’t get the Xmas presents!! It doesn’t matter. Go easy on yourself x

ChristmasCalamity · 12/12/2025 14:51

Sounds like you have some very valid reasons for feeling overwhelmed and sad, OP. I've been in the same place before. It's a normal response to life difficulties (such as being responsible for your teens who are both struggling, and not having much support). The run up to Christmas is a lethal mix of nostalgia and stress/expectations so it's not surprising you're even more sad today. In my case, I tried to wait it out but it got too bad and an antidepressant helped me until my life circumstances were a little easier and then I phased off it.

Does it help to acknowledge things are tough, and the way you feel is a reasonable response? Rather than seeing your feelings as one more problem to be solved? Once you accept that you can figure out how best to tackle life so that you don't dip any further, and how can you bring yourself up just a little bit.

I'd echo PP's with simplifying everything right down to survival mode, and adding anything you can think of that will bring you joy. Forget doing all the things you might have been able to do in previous years when things were easier. Look after yourself. You're the centre of your family's life and you need to be kind to yourself.

I'd also consider talking to your GP about whether a talking therapy or an antidepressant could help you.

For what it's worth, you sound like a thoughtful person and a lovely mum. You're doing an incredibly difficult job successfully since your DD is at home rather than in hospital. One step at a time. I hope you enjoy your walk, and hope that Christmas is better than you expect.

cabjlhbojhs · 12/12/2025 14:54

I am so sorry you feel bad. I can very much empathise with your situation and I think that dealing with kids mental health problems is probably the toughest thing I have ever had to go through. I really don’t want anything to do with Christmas this year. I am meant to be going to a party tonight and the thought of having to pretend to be festive is stressing me out. On the other hand, it is the only Christmas social event planned where I don’t have to cater or organize anything so I feel it would be a shame not to go. I am thinking of you and hope that helps just a little bit!

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