Etiquette when sharing a double train seat with a manspreader - help!

[HighburyLass]

On a packed train so I can’t move.
I can’t pull the middle arm rest down between us as he’s leaning against it. He’s sitting over the half way line between seats. And his legs are spread right over my side.
I don’t want to try to move over into “my” space in case he thinks I like having my body up against his. I moved further away and he spread further into my half. I’m right at the edge of my seat. He’s now snoring.
any ideas?

BTW this is lighthearted(ish). I might feel less like this if I was on a very long journey but it’s only a little over an hour.

Whats the etiquette in this situation?!

Ask if he’d like to sit on your lap, since he’s already halfway there.

I would try and pull down the middle arm. Hopefully that will wake him enough that he shifts and you can pull it down.

haha I would except he’s sound asleep 😆

I just managed to get hold of the top of the arm rest and ease it down. It makes me feel better that’s there’s a barrier now though he’s still seeping underneath it a bit 😬😆

Ugh this was me yesterday-
bloke on train next me had legs so wide open ….

why ???

are their legs too chunky to fit otherwise ??
I couldn’t work it out ???

Can you say (loud enough to be heard over the snoring) EXCUSE ME. As he jumps, grab the arm rest & yank it down, swiftly kick his leg out of the way & say with a big smile - that's better.
Then sit back & scroll mindlessly on your phone.

I just push right back, the temporary contact doesn't last long but tends to be effective.

I accidentally slightly kicked his foot when I was getting something out of my bag.
He’s moved it an inch or 2 👍

“Young man? Are your knees frightened of each other? I know a therapist.”

Sorry x- posted with your update.
I would still be tempted to swift kick his leg out of your space.

Thanks all for the solidarity! I just don’t get how people can be so oblivious or uncaring about their fellow passengers.
As I said, it’s a bit lighthearted. If I felt very uncomfortable in any way I would move and sit in the corridor if necessary but I’m okay

I do wish hatpins would make a comeback.

Otherwise just firmly say ‘please stop encroaching into my space’. And repeat, possibly ad nauseum. I certainly wouldnt be letting the bugger fall asleep.

I am old and genuinely no longer give a shit about offending annoying people.

I just start being annoying. Getting up and down to do things, scrolling with the volume up, rustling my bag, coughing.

I usually wedge my bag in between us, making sure it’s only on my seat so the spreader can’t object.

I will add that I do have some sympathy for very big blokes though, they don’t need to man spread but it’s difficult if they’ve got big arms and long legs.

Yes the seats are not huge so big blokes so have a bit of a problem. But the legs akimbo is unnecessary.
Anyway we only have about 5 more minutes so all okay!
Thanks again 😊

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon “are your knees frightened of each other?” 🤣🤣🤣 saving that gem for when I need it , thanks

I would rather stand..i get awful cramps in my hip and shoulder when i have to contort my body in tense and awkward ways sitting next to strangers on public transport. There is no point doing anything else as people can get defensive and rude if you speak up.

Honestly if he's asleep I'd wake him up, it makes it easier in a way as you can pretend to think he is unware he is doing it.
Mate, excuse me mate, can I just get you to shift over a bit - you were leaning all over me! Cheerful smile. Brilliant, thanks.

Drop something heavy between his legs as you alight to get off.

For next time my standard move is to put my bag on my lap accidentally on purpose dropping it down quite heavily on my leg/his leg. When he jumps back fill space with my leg whilst apologising.

Oh I love that!

I tend to cross my legs so that one ankle is on my knee, with the sole of my shoe pressed up against their leg. They usually move sharp ish, and if not my shoe gets a lovely clean sole. Only one person ever said something, and I just pointed out that he was the one pressing his legs up against me, not the other way around.

Your discomfort is over for today but next time say clearly: excuse me can you move your leg back to your side? Thank you. If it wanders back: Do you mind? Third time: can you please stop doing that? This is the third time I’ve asked you. Do you have a problem? Say it clearly and with increasing volume each time so people start looking over. All the women and even some of the men will fully understand what is going on.

Spill coffee on him or jab him with knitting needles.

On more than one occasion (train, tube and theatre), I have simply said asked the manspreader to stop taking up my space. They always apologise and do as asked. Maybe it’s my schoolteacher look and tone of voice?