Etiquette when sharing a double train seat with a manspreader - help!

[HighburyLass]

On a packed train so I can’t move.
I can’t pull the middle arm rest down between us as he’s leaning against it. He’s sitting over the half way line between seats. And his legs are spread right over my side.
I don’t want to try to move over into “my” space in case he thinks I like having my body up against his. I moved further away and he spread further into my half. I’m right at the edge of my seat. He’s now snoring.
any ideas?

BTW this is lighthearted(ish). I might feel less like this if I was on a very long journey but it’s only a little over an hour.

Whats the etiquette in this situation?!

If I had to use public transport very day I’d wear knee spurs and I’d hold firm as a man spread against me.

Carry something like a brooch or safety pin and stab the offending body parts until they move. Or ask the guy if he needs you to draw a line showing him where he needs to arrange his body.

ugh
I was sitting at table for 4 on a train coming home tonight, man opposite but by window (I was aisle) his feet kept on pushing into mine, he was properly spreading out so I said excuse me your feet are in my space. He pretended to sleep so I repeated myself and when he didn't answer I just pushed his feet out of the way. What a dick

Either a bag on the floor to take up your space.
Or I use a walking stick now and use that to gently but robustly mark the half way point. An umbrella might work as an alternative

"Seeping" 🤣

Thanks all for your humour/similar experiences/ideas for next time. I’m generally quite assertive and do a brilliant job of not hiding my feelings through facial expression 🙄😬😠🥺🥱🙃😆 so next time it happens I’ll just pull up this thread and choose my favourite action for the situation 😉😁

You could also pretend to phone someone and talk about how you’re pretty sure you’re coming down with a terrible flu.

Assuming he isn’t aggressive or scary, I get up and move seats if there are any free, pull the divider down if there is one (with this disrupting or waking him), start foraging in or reorganising my work bag (jostling and elbowing him), doing work notes in a bug A4 jotter, and/ or eating or drinking something.

I stop short of saying something though!

Sadly IME commuting an unsurprising proportion of these men can turn (low key) nasty quickly.

Encountered one the other evening, on a table of 4, didn’t like his vibes, so moved a few seats and rows away for space, he then made a really loud phone call and commented ‘some woman is trying to get away from me’. Urgh.

That is a very good technique!
I usually do the ‘bag on seat up to the boundary’ and also move my arm/leg a lot if they are making contact.

I claim the space from the start by planting my feet firmly at the edge of my territory. The neighbours can’t then spread without making contact. Woman-spreading for the win.

I implement the thigh of steel at the edge of my seat.

What you say is. "Excuse me! My testicles are squashed. Can you budge up a bit. "

😂😂😂😂

Said loudly once on a ride when I felt like the man was doing it on purpose and getting a kick out of it. I needed something that would disrupt his potential enjoyment of moving to touch my bare legs every time I made myself smaller. My poor family sat in front of me were mortified, but it had the desired response and I completed the ride with acres of space.

Used a second time at a spa when surrounded by men who were seemingly oblivious to our presence and completely indifferent to us having any comfort. I didn't feel like a polite request would get much acknowledgement so went for the shock factor again.

I absolutely have a technique for this.

I put my bag on my lap, and I use the bag to bump/shove/press against the offending leg. That way I’m not rubbing my leg against his. It helps if the train is swaying around.

It works best if you have a bit of a corner on the bag. I also make sure to appear entirely oblivious by reading or whatever.

I don’t. If they really don’t fit in a normal seat, they need to upgrade to first or buy and reserve two seats. They’re not entitled to part of mine.

But it is possible for big men to sit tidily and considerately. I used to have to travel to San Diego a fair bit when I was younger. The internal leg to and from Chicago typically had quite a few military/naval guys on, and me being small I was more than likely to find a very solidly built bloke next to me. And they never encroached on my space.

Manspreaders are slobs and/or arseholes, basically.

I was in the middle seat on a long haul flight once and I had two of them on either side / both man spreading and snoring. I rang the bell and asked to be moved and the male steward, took pity of me and asked me to follow him towards the back in the plane, where I thought I’d be sitting, but didn’t stop and then lead me round to the front of the plane to business class! I slept the whole way thanks to those man spreaders 🤣

I know OP's journey is done but I have 100% lost any willingtness to indulge this shit. I now ask, pointedly, for the offender to please stay in their space. What's amusing is how defnesive they get, "I'm not in your space" or "I can't help it". I don't care and just insist.

The best one was a man who then stormed off to a different seat in a huff. LIke he was punishing me? It was very funny. As he left I said, "Oh great, that's perfect, thank you."

Push back every time he touches you, get progressively less gentle.

If he is in the aisle, go to the loo and then when you come back claim all you space.

I hate men like this, they do it on purpose.

Coming back to this thread I’m struck by the title. ‘Etiquette’…
Obviously the correct etiquette when using adjacent seats on public transport, planes etc is that you occupy your space and don’t encroach on others. If a person violates this basic social rule, then they’ve surely waived their rights in how they’re responded to.

So, don’t worry about ‘etiquette’, just what’s safe and likely to be effective.

Excuse me please, im going to use the divider .... go to get hold of it and make him move!

tell him you want the arm rest down
Then put it down whether he moves or not
and then push his leg out of the way, use your bag if you don't want to touch him
Tell him that you don'T have enough room and he can't take any of your space away

The train is packed, what do you think will happen?

In this situation I always put my bag on my lap and edge it slightly over so it’s on their leg a little bit. They move really quickly in case they catch gay.