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Original poster

Is it okay to date someone a lot older?

52 replies

CheeryMentor · 10/12/2025 12:57

I am really just interested in the spark, fun and sex.

He is 55. I am 27.

I have been separated from my husband for about 6 months but prior to that, hadn’t had sex in about 2 years as he didn’t want to. He was a similar age to me.

Anyway, there’s someone I really, really like. But he is 55.

I am a carer to two DC and have no interest in getting myself involved seriously with anyone. I don’t really have the time and my set up is an unusual one. It’s just too complex to be adding any potential partner to the mix in the near future.

This man likes all the same music as me. And we seem to ‘gel’. I get butterflies. Really want to sleep with him

Friends say I am mad to do it. I’m 27 and ‘hot’, they say. Date someone much younger as sleeping with someone that much older suggests you have issues

What do you think? Up for some Mumsnet wisdom on this one

My mum and aunty sort of know him. Family friend but haven’t seen him for years apart from this week at a gathering. Prior to that, about 10+ years since seeing him

Is it really so bad to have some fun here?

OP posts:
MrsLizzieDarcy · 10/12/2025 18:07

As someone who married someone 10 years older and is facing a future as their carer, don't dive in. Have some fun by all means, but don't commit.

Hundydid · 10/12/2025 18:16

Long term? No; you'll still be young when he turns 70. A short fling? Go for it; it'll be part of your education. Just be sure neither of you thinks it's serious.

Soduku1234 · 10/12/2025 18:23

So 5 children between you with 3 different fathers. Nope absolutely not for that reason let alone a ridiculous age gap. No, no, no.

BeaRightThere · 10/12/2025 18:28

I would go for it. He's good company, you have stuff in common, you're both single and attracted to each other. No reason not to.

Eaglemom · 10/12/2025 18:58

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/12/2025 17:50

Bit of a weird question. Do you assume every bloke in their 20s is waiting for you to approach them for casual sex?

Show quote history

Well yes, because they are

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/12/2025 19:46

Eaglemom · 10/12/2025 18:58

Well yes, because they are

Show quote history

obviously 🙄 that’s why she’s going for the man old enough to be her dad

ThisCleverRoseSquid · 10/12/2025 22:28

CheeryMentor · 10/12/2025 12:57

I am really just interested in the spark, fun and sex.

He is 55. I am 27.

I have been separated from my husband for about 6 months but prior to that, hadn’t had sex in about 2 years as he didn’t want to. He was a similar age to me.

Anyway, there’s someone I really, really like. But he is 55.

I am a carer to two DC and have no interest in getting myself involved seriously with anyone. I don’t really have the time and my set up is an unusual one. It’s just too complex to be adding any potential partner to the mix in the near future.

This man likes all the same music as me. And we seem to ‘gel’. I get butterflies. Really want to sleep with him

Friends say I am mad to do it. I’m 27 and ‘hot’, they say. Date someone much younger as sleeping with someone that much older suggests you have issues

What do you think? Up for some Mumsnet wisdom on this one

My mum and aunty sort of know him. Family friend but haven’t seen him for years apart from this week at a gathering. Prior to that, about 10+ years since seeing him

Is it really so bad to have some fun here?

if you do want any commitment which is quite clear, why not enjoy...
have fun.

Snakehips47 · 10/12/2025 22:48

Go for it, “”55” it’s just a number, his love will be no different from a younger man, he will appreciate your honesty towards you finding him attractive to you, he is hopefully financially in a good place, there is no reason why the sex would be a problem with an attractive young woman like you.
💐🤞

Jugendstiel · 10/12/2025 22:59

I think as long as you are both grown ups - why not? You like him and you have things in common. I don't really understand the suspicion of different age couples unless one is barely an adult. But once you have a few years' experience of life, anything goes.

HelmholtzWatson · 11/12/2025 07:08

MoominMai · 10/12/2025 13:37

@CheeryMentor if you just ‘want the shag’ then why not go for people on dating apps who often clearly make it known they’re only after a bit of fun? At least then it’s all up front rather than possibly flattering a man into believing a much much younger woman was potentially interested in a proper relationship with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Because dating apps are grim. She knows this guy and wants to have sex with him, so why mess around meeting dozens of other guys for coffee when it's quite likely she won't have any chemistry with any of them?

Fedupofwimps · 11/12/2025 07:22

Sounds like this has been written by a man 🤔

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 11/12/2025 07:25

The guy at the gym and people you’re approaching are most likely put off because you clearly want a shag and a good time and they’re looking for a relationship. You can’t just assume that men are up for casual sex.

Nothing wrong with wanting a fling but you’d be better off doing online dating and searching specifically for those who just want sex. The thought of shagging someone so much older than me gives me the ick and as this man knows your family, I wouldn’t go there. It all sounds too close to home. Also curious how you know if this man wants to shag you? Have you thought about that? He may find the thought of shagging the much younger daughter of a family friend a big no-no.

You ask if it makes you look like you have issues because you want to shag an older man. To me, yes it does. You also talk about men in the way that sexist men talk about women. Which isn’t very pleasant. It sounds like you’re coming out of a bad relationship and maybe should think about some therapy before you take the next steps into relationships of any kind.

curious79 · 11/12/2025 07:26

If all you want is a shag, then why do it with someone who’s actually a family friend. Who knows your mother. That’s the metaphorical equivalent of shitting on your own doormat.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 11/12/2025 07:28

It wouldn’t be for me. If you just want sex then go for it.
A nurse with a purse springs to mind.
If you do enter a relationship with him you will be on very different pages very quickly.

collectkdsasmed · 11/12/2025 07:48

Well put it this way OP, if you were to do the same thing your fling hasn’t even been born yet…

VenusClapTrap · 11/12/2025 08:03

It’s the family friend part that I think you need to be careful of. Did he know you when you were a child? Is he likely to be around at family events in the future?

Imbrocator · 11/12/2025 11:11

The fact that you’ve said you’re only two years older than his daughter is a massive red flag for me.

Try to imagine it the other way around - imagine that you are his age, and you meet someone two years older than your grown children. Do you think you’d have enough in common to spark a sexual attraction? Most parents would feel paternal/maternal towards someone the same age as their children, not aroused by them. Do you think if your positions were reversed you’d think it would be worth risking your relationship with your children, who are likely to be disturbed by it?

You are attracted to someone who has more life experiences in common with you than your peers - completely understandable. But ask yourself what he could be attracted to. No matter how exciting and engaging, no matter your life experiences, the gulf between 27 and 55 is huge. A 55 year old man who is looking to relive his youth with a woman who is in all practical terms the same age as his daughter is not going to be a good option, whether it’s a fling or not.

MoominMai · 11/12/2025 14:47

HelmholtzWatson · 11/12/2025 07:08

Because dating apps are grim. She knows this guy and wants to have sex with him, so why mess around meeting dozens of other guys for coffee when it's quite likely she won't have any chemistry with any of them?

Show quote history

Maybe it’s just me but feels weird in the age of dating apps specifically for this purpose, to go after an old family friend in his mid 50s for a shag. And then she’ll have to what, be upfront and just proposition him becuase it’s not a LT thing she wants with a man twice her age?! Or will she have to just string him along for the shags?! And is it fair to the family friend to be put in this awkward position that potentially others could become aware of? Messy asf to me lol.

OPs said her friends describe her as hot so I doubt it would take much time to find someone that will do for a ONS.

But each to their own 🤷🏻‍♀️

Isayitasitis · 11/12/2025 14:51

Of course it's okay.

There are so many nay sayers on mumsnet who hate age gaps. They almost see something paedophilic about it despite being an adult 🙄 anyone over 20 can be with whoever they want. As long as it's legal and not a power play.

If you're happy then go for it.

Don't be worried about who cares who you bring into bed. It's your life. You have no idea what the future holds! Give it a try and see if you feel the same in a years time.

HelmholtzWatson · 12/12/2025 04:44

Imbrocator · 11/12/2025 11:11

The fact that you’ve said you’re only two years older than his daughter is a massive red flag for me.

Try to imagine it the other way around - imagine that you are his age, and you meet someone two years older than your grown children. Do you think you’d have enough in common to spark a sexual attraction? Most parents would feel paternal/maternal towards someone the same age as their children, not aroused by them. Do you think if your positions were reversed you’d think it would be worth risking your relationship with your children, who are likely to be disturbed by it?

You are attracted to someone who has more life experiences in common with you than your peers - completely understandable. But ask yourself what he could be attracted to. No matter how exciting and engaging, no matter your life experiences, the gulf between 27 and 55 is huge. A 55 year old man who is looking to relive his youth with a woman who is in all practical terms the same age as his daughter is not going to be a good option, whether it’s a fling or not.

There is a lot of projecting here. She's 27 not 15. I'm sure he's had sex with a 27 year old women before. Most 55yo men are not going to feel "paternal" towards an attractive woman in her twenties, whether they are parents or not. As for his relationship with his own children, I doubt he's going to announce it next time he sees them: "hey kids! guess what daddy did at the weekend!?!

Imbrocator · 12/12/2025 09:46

HelmholtzWatson · 12/12/2025 04:44

There is a lot of projecting here. She's 27 not 15. I'm sure he's had sex with a 27 year old women before. Most 55yo men are not going to feel "paternal" towards an attractive woman in her twenties, whether they are parents or not. As for his relationship with his own children, I doubt he's going to announce it next time he sees them: "hey kids! guess what daddy did at the weekend!?!

Show quote history

“Paternal” is short hand for saying that, having raised someone to adulthood, you’ll be much more used to thinking of women your daughter’s age in the context of being friends of hers, people you’re looking out for - not potential sexual conquests.

When you take into account that this man is also a family friend who has known (perhaps not known well, but known) the OP from when she was young, that’s not a set up which typically encourages sexual attraction. I don’t think it’s particularly surprising that some people find the context a bit gross.

I’m not saying that no one is ever attracted to someone younger than them - clearly they are. But context matters, and the question here is will what OP gets back from initiating a sexual relationship with this man be something that’s worth the obvious downsides. If it’s just a quick fling or sex, there are easier ways with less baggage than a significantly older family friend.

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 12/12/2025 09:52

I wouldn't personally. It could get dodgy. Especially if you're only 2 years older than his daughter

KilliMonjaro · 12/12/2025 09:58

FeliciaFancybottom · 10/12/2025 13:51

I couldn't shag someone whose kids were younger than me; it feels unbelievably icky.

Be mire weird if their kids were older than you! 😳😳😳

Rocknrollstar · 12/12/2025 10:54

JudgeBread · 10/12/2025 13:06

Just go for it if the plan is just to have a fling. I wouldn't get into a relationship with that big an age gap because you'll just end up a carer for a grumpy old man when you're in your prime (and men do seem to turn into grumpy old men quickly!). But for a few fun shags why not?

You won’t necessarily end up as his carer but you could also find yourself a relatively young widow. But if you really love him, go for it.

Friendlygingercat · 12/12/2025 12:38

As otther posters have pointed out no reason not to enjoy a FWB relationship with this man if he is up for it. But if he is looking for something like a long term relationship I would be honest at the initial stage and make it clear you are not looking for other than a sexual partner.