So sad..DP thinks we shouldn't have another DC due to finances/ cost of living.

[Sailawaygirl]

We have a lovely DC who is 2yrs. I am older mum 38 so time not on my side and in my head I am happy to try again for another next year.
I always planned 2 because I am an only child and felt so lonely growing up
DP says if money was not an issue then he would want another. We managing ok on band 4 and band 7 nhs salaries ( I'm the band 7 but part time (30hrs)) . We don't feel like we have any extra money in the accounts at the end of the month compared to a few years ago despite going up pay grades and we are both top of our pay grade now. we haven't done a holiday this year.
We have done quite a few house things and I needed some expensive dental work this year. So we don't have as much in savings as we would like (about £ 6) and do have 1 big credit card which I am paying off ( used for the dental work and a new door !)
DP is pretty crap with budgeting he buys coffees and sandwiches instead of taking a flask to work and I've been buying more lunch out but mainly cause I've had less energy and time to do lunches with a toddler. This is definitely the main area we can save money!
I'm so sad it feels that we can't afford another DC.
I know people manage on much less joint income and also read the comments here about how irresponsible it is to have credit card debt and extra children when you can't afford them.
I'm just so sad to realise that planning another baby isn't very wise financially.
Im trying to count my blessing and I'm so thankful for having a lovely DC but I've saved all his baby things for a second Baby and I'm just too sad to get rid of them yet.

OP what is your household income and where are you geographically?
NHS bands mean nothing if you don't work there.
Do you own your home?

Then you need to make that clear to your DH. Whoever said about putting two children through uni blah blah above and that two children will have “small lives” (WTF??) is wrong. You don’t have to be rich to have two children and you don’t have to be rich for them to go to uni (if they even want to).

I remember when I had my first child, there was an article about how much it costs to raise a child and it was something mad like £80,000 or more. However, it did not cost us that and there’s no way we could have afforded that anyway. I was married then and my DH was on a low salary but we still managed fine. If we’d ’waited until we could afford it’, we’d never have had any children at all, but we didn’t wait and we did manage, including our own house, holidays, etc. My children’s lives certainly were not small just because we had more than one!

I think it’s beyond sad not to have another child if you’re in a reasonable position - and you are. However, you do need to talk to your DH. Good luck xx

Lots of people are choosing to have one child rather than two or more, for financial reasons. Your experience of being an only child has been poor, but many have very positive childhoods (myself included). Whatever happened in your childhood, make sure it doesn't happen in your child's. Often poor only child experiences is down to the parents attitude or behaviour. Of course having a second child hits finances, it's an extra person living in the house that needs looking after! You don't have a lot of money now, nothing spare for savings, holidays etc. So yes, finances would be even more stretched, the lunches and coffees would be out for a start. My Dad is 1 of 7 children, and he said 'the more children you have, the poorer you will be'. He's correct, and his family were extremely poor, probably well below the poverty line. You can't live on love and fresh air.

Drivers costs, university fees and driving lessons aren't essentials for the parents to pay. Clubs definitely cost but they too, aren't essentials. Kids are not expensive, I think we overcomplicate things.

@Kiki234 if your kids choose to go to uni you will be expected to contribute to maintenance - a fixed parental contribution is assumed when the maintenance loan is worked out. Most students will also have a part time job.
I suppose you could force them to go and work down a mine instead of going to uni though.

Well I managed to work as a HCA whilst studying medicine and it all worked out well. My 3 siblings are age 18-25 and in University (I'm 30) and we managed fine without parental financial contribution in the ways you describe. You may call it "working down a mine" but I call it being self-sufficient. It's quite a luxury having parents support their children in the way you describe and isn't a necessity. I'm not even sure how beneficial it is to their personal growth in the long-run.

Ofcourse as parents we want to give our children the best but we all draw the line in different places.

Good lord what an over the top reaction. I said nothing about abortion, I was commenting that people may look back and think ‘I wish I’d had another whilst I could’. It’s a fairly commonly used expression, get back in your box.

Could either of you adjust the days you work to hit more unsocial hours, particularly sundays?

Could you move to a cheaper area of the UK given your qualifications are useable everywhere? A band 7 & band 4 salary is a big combined income in some parts of the UK.

Often, there is a compromise to be had. If your a band 7 and dp is a 4, can you not go up to full time hours and he drops a day. Theres a decent difference in earnings between band 4 and 7.