The lead up to fucking Christmas can fuck off

[1wokeuplikethis]

The next 2 weeks are so rammajammed with school activities (carols, jumper day, craft afternoon, panto trip, assembly etc) like usual the school goes into crackhead-level hysteria ramming more stuff into the last 2 weeks of the longest term than they do the rest of the entire year.

I’m not a teacher, just a mum trying to remember it all and keep up. On top of this is the lovely things I’ve booked for us to do as a family, which is hugely scaled back because trying to do too much stresses me out. And I know me and the kids all need downtime to relax and rejuvenate and filling each day with commercial crap is knackering and leaves me feeling jaded anyway.

Along with this, the present buying, wrapping, ordering, returning. Meal planning, ordering, buying. Catching up with friends. Work Christmas do. Seeing family. Trying to keep the house tidy, work, cook meals, attend clubs/sports/hobbies, make packed lunches, remember fucking everything all at once and then also be a spirited elf of joy with family and friends. I’m fucking knackered. I’m miserable. My sleep is shot. I’ve been on the verge of crying all day. The things I normally enjoy bring me no joy because I just have this underlying feeling of stress, panic and misery.

How can I let go, relax and try to enjoy these next 2 weeks? Please. I’ve come home from my son’s carol concert feeling deflated, sad and overwhelmed, yet also like I’m not doing enough (which is actual madness). Hand me a grip please.

My next two weeks are jam packed too whilst working 15/16 hour days as my business is based around Christmas. Looking forward to a break. I love Christmas though.

It's just Christmas for heavens sake. Unclench, stop over committing and be happy you are here to celebrate it. So much angst on MN this year I just don't get why people put themselves in the position of having too much to do they can't sleep - madness.

Do you have many children? Are you a single parent?

It sounds a lot, if so.

I sympathise! We’ve cut some things down to try reduce stress. No presents between my siblings and I, just for the kids. I’ve got some friend groups that we all said early on, let’s meet in Jan so we can properly enjoy. Limiting presents between friends, the going out is the present or £5/10 max so just a candle/bath thing/chocs. Xmas dinner is at my sisters and we all split the buying and cooking.
agree with the school stuff! I only have one child and find that enough to manage!
With you in spirit x

Once they get to secondary school this all disappears.

I felt the same! Hated the planning and prep and that was before the million and one experiences that everyone seems to take their kids to.

And I decided that Christmas comes round too fast - ‘it only seems a minute since I was putting the decorations up last year’ and ‘buy him another jumper, I just have’.

So after some thought I decided we could have a Christmas that takes longer to arrive. We celebrate at home EVERY OTHER YEAR!

In the alternate year we go on holiday, either something beautiful and Christmassy or to a beach holiday and forget Christmas altogether. The holiday is our present.

When we are at home, Christmas is much more special.

What I do now (after several years of overwhelm)

1. limit activities beforehand and keep the ones we do low key. Definitely no Lapland U.K. / Winter Wonderland here!
2. Did my shopping & wrapping in October. Seemed mad at the time but now I’m so glad it’s done.
3. Offered to host family for Xmas day but made it clear it would be a hot & cold buffet to which everyone would contribute. They all declined. I feel no guilt because I offered.
4. Xmas meal / roast on Boxing Day which is less stressful as no present opening
5. Buy Xmas gifts that will get us outside (bike/scooter/kite/netball hoop/roller skates)
6. Told wider family in October I’m only buying for kids under 18
7. Dont do Xmas cards. Had pre-printed ones made for DC (who struggles with writing) to send to classmates.
8. Decorations are minimal. Artificial tree
9. Think very carefully what social invites to accept / decline. Leave early and limit alcohol
10. Prioritise me time, going to gym tomorrow & planned a countryside walk with a friend Friday lunch (I WFH)
11. Factor in that I will need recovery time & headspace in January so put a couple of things in the diary for me eg massage
12. Speak to DH in advance to ensure we both give each other time alone over Xmas week
13. Book DD into a few clubs/activities that are drop and go to give me a breather . Ditto arrange a few reciprocal play dates

@IAmNotSureAboutYouNowlove this list!

@hotchocfiend i know. I had to make changes after realising I was prioritising everyone else’s priorities over my own

Im fecking sick of gifting already. I've bought expensive gifts for my parents who have waited until this close to christmas to tell me they don't want the following list of things x, y and z and which include the lovely things I've bought them after trawling shops for days with a full time job.
Im not wasting my money so I've returned all of the gifts and replaced them with very much cheaper book tokens.
Last year it was whingeing that nobody gives them lovely things any more.
Im bloody sick of it. Why can't people just be grateful someone bothered to get them a gift. I'm that close to not getting them anything.
My Dil returns my gift every year rudely saying she doesn't like whatever it is. She doesn't like it when I just give her money and won't tell me what she actually wants either so this year I've got her nothing Im fed up with the ungrateful behaviour. No doubt it will cause ructions but Im past giving a shit.

Did my shopping and wrapping in October. Seemed mad at the time but now I’m so glad it’s done.
How. Seriously, I still have no idea what three of my kids want and the other has just had a birthday and I gave him most of the things I’d bought him for Christmas as he didn’t know what he wanted for his birthday.
Everyone else is evasive when I ask for ideas, maybe I’m just bad at buying presents 🤷‍♀️

Oh I hear you!

The overwhelming onslaught of Christmas stuff is worse every year. My dc2 school parents WhatsApp had a massive wobble yesterday because someone thought it was the Christmas “production” (when did it stop being the Nativity?) but actually it was only the deadline to take in costumes. I had 47 messages about that.

It is frankly madness. Dh was sad we never did Lapland UK and I’m honestly glad.

We light our Advent candles, listen to carols, eat gingerbread and hot chocolate and I try to let it all drift pass.

I recommend it.

@Gettingbysomehow this is why I said in October I’m not buying for adults anymore

@Gettingbysomehow i did this for DH’s birthday last year, got him absolutely nothing at all. So fed up of buying things he hates.

I was so pleased with the gift I had got the previous year, but he removed it from the gift wrap side-eyed it like it might be contaminated with sarin and said “ohhhh” in a tone they managed to convey so much. Within days it was in the attic. I said “oh I thought we might actually find a time to enjoy it” and he said “ well sure maybe some time.” Never mentioned it again. You might ask what is this awful gift - it was a deluxe wine cooling picnic box for two, with a lovely bottle of wine (he did drink that, by himself, I was t offered a glass.) He is a huge pretentious wine buff and I thought it would be a nice way to reconnect - he loves walks by the beach and I thought we could do an outdoor cinema night out.

When I gave him precisely nothing this year I breezily said “well there’s absolutely nothing you want or need. So perhaps we’ll just go for a Sunday lunch out sometime soon if you like.” Which is something we’d do anyway. I think he was a bit surprised, but honestly I don’t think he was upset. He doesn’t care about the giving or receiving of gifts, so that’s that.

OP if you have kids in primary school then yes there are two or three peak years where it is just INSANE and then just when you get i your head around that they start growing up, which is sad in its own way, but it does all get more manageable.

Partner and I don't have kids, but we always make sure to take a step back and not to buy into it all.... too much. We put a tree and some decorations up, buy each other a few gifts, and that's it. We don't have anyone round except for maybe his parents. Family is dotted all around the UK anyway. We no longer buy anything we wouldn't buy anyway, as the loft is getting cluttered with Christmas decorations which I used to get carried away with buying every year.

Agree with pp about work. Everyone is cramming meetings in, and it's really annoying and actually impossible.

In your own way, as you have kids, don't buy into it too much. Do it your way.

Having grown up with numerous women family members that wanted to martyr themselves over Christmas and made it miserable for everyone else as a result.

Just don't.

Do what you can and chill the f out.

Nothing stressful

Here anything school or nursery related is done during opening hours and without parents. So they had st Nicolas visit, do crafts and will go some Christmas songs as part of day. We get a picture sent via app. Done

We only buy for Ds, so not overkill. Il get some local flowers sent to my mum

No pre booked activities. We will hopefully pop down to local Christmas market at the weekend. We will bake cookies with Ds leading up to Christmas but a day or two before, not yet

We go out for Christmas Day to a local mountain hut. There’s loads, and no reservations needed so we will decide on the day depending on where we end up. Casual, probably some goulash and an Apple strudel. Go home and build Lego in evening

I decided a long time ago it’s not worth the stress over time and money for just one day. We aren’t religious so it’s really nothing special

I know what you mean. For me with school it’s the additional money they expect you to shell out. Of course it’s all optional, you don’t have to take your DC to the Christmas fair but like hell you want your child to be the one missing out on it. Then there’s the sponsored ‘reindeer runs’ which seem to have become an annual occurrence now in our area. Again, no obligation to sponsor them by any means but nobody wants to be the parent who doesn’t?

I got away with nativity costumes largely, my DS just needs brown clothes which he already owns and a tea towel for his head… Some parents were expected to buy full costumes. Then theres the raffle at the nativities. To be fair, at least this school doesn’t charge to watch the nativity. My older DC went to a CofE school which did and they also charged me to buy a tree decoration my DD made…

Why are you in such a tizz about activities taking place in school?
Apart from the carol concert, you’re hardly expected to be there?

Oh for fucks sake, why is it that every “fun event” involves Christmas jumpers, odd socks, Santa hats, a treat to share with the class, a costume to sort, a toy for a disadvantaged child, a craft item for parents to supply, a colour themed raffle prize, buying raffle tickets, sign up to charity day activities - all of which has been asked for since the 1st of December at one or other of my kids schools. Not to mention the various half days off work for the coffee morning (x2), the school
panto, late pick up from the reward cinema trip, one school nativity and a partridge in a fucking pear tree!

No one is saying don’t have fun, I’m saying don’t completely up end the last month of school and expect parents to add x number of errands onto an already manic time of year.

Jesus, have a cup of tea and chill out love!

I think it's a bad combination of end of term tiredness, this term can be long and lots of kids have done the last half term at holiday club to save leave for summer and Christmas, which means they are harder work and the last thing a lot of us parents feel like doing is taking on more mental load.

I can’t, I’m too busy sourcing angel wings for the bloody school Christmas lunch 😂

I really appreciate all the effort school staff put in. I’m not a teacher but I think they do a great job with all the Christmas stuff. Many miss their own children’s performances to ensure we see ours.

As for Christmas itself we keep it low key, a trip in the car round neighbourhood to see lights followed by a takeaway in the car (kids choice).

we never have family round on Christmas Day, simple meal for us and the children then one afternoon each at parents between Christmas and New Year. It works for us!