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Original poster

Why do I find DH's parenting so infuriating.

26 replies

TheOP2 · 08/12/2025 16:59

His boys are 11 and 13 - they're well behaved, polite nice children but I find myself totally distancing my self from them and I wonder if it's because of him and not them. I do not have my own kids and have never wanted any - they don't align with how I want to live my life. Anyway ... When they're over he lets them stare at a screen ALLlLL DAY LONG, they go to bed really late as they are on their phone, eat constant junk food and are never made to shower, brush teeth etc. it's so irresponsible of him and I hate it! When I mentioned before his kid needed to shower as he slept in his football kit!!!!!!! I was told to butt out so I obviously dont say anything as he will get defensive and snap. He is now having a go at me saying I don't want to be in their life etc ... What do I do?? Its getting to the point where I'm considering leaving ....

OP posts:
snoopythebeagle · 08/12/2025 17:03

I would leave, personally. You don't have kids, why tie yourself to someone so useless?

MignonsMorceaux · 08/12/2025 17:05

Someone who neglects their kids because it's easier for them is deeply unattractive. Does he care about their health, or actually parenting them?
I'd be gone - sorry.

rubyslippers · 08/12/2025 17:06

That’s not infuriating
it’s neglectful and super lazy
and it’s a very off putting personality
I’m not surprised you’re thinking about leaving him

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Ddakji · 08/12/2025 17:07

If children don’t align with your life why did you marry a father of young boys?

But he sounds a crap dad.

WildLeader · 08/12/2025 17:09

Stop considering leaving… start planning. This will only get worse, you KNOW this!

RecordBreakers · 08/12/2025 17:11

What @Ddakji said.

You can't be married to someone who has children to look after on even a semi regular basis and just not be involved.
You surely knew this long before you got to the stage of thinking about getting married?

When I mentioned before his kid needed to shower as he slept in his football kit!!!!!!! I was told to butt out so I obviously dont say anything as he will get defensive and snap.

Is this the way he normally responds when you have differences of opinion or different approaches to something ? Hmm
That, in itself is something that would have meant I wouldn't have got as far as marriage in the first place.

The way a person deals with a disagreement with you is a BIG factor in how long that person would be in my life.

Original poster
TheOP2 · 08/12/2025 17:12

Im so glad I'm not being irrational. My brother has kids with an ex and he is the most amazing, caring, sensible father I have ever met - this is probably why I'm so annoyed!!

OP posts:
Thundertoast · 08/12/2025 17:12

Is it because it shows you:

  • he hasn't done the slightest bit of research on parenting because he's lazy, thinks he knows best without any research, isn't paying enough attention to notice the impact on the kids or all of the above...
  • he doesnt care about the impact it has on his kids short OR long term and sees such an important job, raising two children, as something he doesnt need to actively engage, learn or drive and simply just does whats convenient for him in the moment with no regard about how it will affect his kids throughout their life
  • he prioritises himself over his kids even if he (like all shit dads) says he loves them, would do anything for them. I bet the kids 'love' him too (dad plays games with me and doesnt make me do what I dont want to do)
Original poster
TheOP2 · 08/12/2025 17:13

We definitely got married too quickly.....

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 08/12/2025 17:16

Someone this irresponsible and defensive would just be a total turnoff. God it’s depressing to think about those poor kids but there’s not much to be done, certainly not by you.

I also question why you married a man with children when you don’t want them around (don’t blame you).

Ddakji · 08/12/2025 17:29

TheOP2 · 08/12/2025 17:13

We definitely got married too quickly.....

Well, I suggest you get divorced just as quickly - an utterly disinterested stepmother is the last thing these children need on top of a neglectful father.

Original poster
TheOP2 · 08/12/2025 17:51

@Ddakji would a disinterested person care about their wellbeing?????

OP posts:
Ddakji · 08/12/2025 18:03

TheOP2 · 08/12/2025 17:51

@Ddakji would a disinterested person care about their wellbeing?????

Fair point!

But your OP doesn’t suggest that you are stepmother material. So combined with your H being a grim, neglectful dad, I’d be off if I were you.

Coffeeishot · 08/12/2025 18:07

He was probably a shit dad when he lived with their mum she was probably run ragged looking after them all, do you suggest showers and toothbrushing to them or do you just leave their dad to it ?

Coffeeishot · 08/12/2025 18:08

Coffeeishot · 08/12/2025 18:07

He was probably a shit dad when he lived with their mum she was probably run ragged looking after them all, do you suggest showers and toothbrushing to them or do you just leave their dad to it ?

This isnt a dig at you .

KeepAwayFromChildren · 08/12/2025 18:15

How is the rest of the relationship @TheOP2

Being told to butt out over something you feel strongly about, (even thought they are his kids and not yours) must be galling as hell.

I left an ex once I saw how he dealt with his kids. They were three and five and they were more mature than he was.

Don't get pregnant whatever you do!

Original poster
TheOP2 · 08/12/2025 18:28

@KeepAwayFromChildren oh don't you worry ... There is zero chance of this happening... Zero!!

OP posts:
Janejanejaneagain · 08/12/2025 18:29

It’s really gross and neglectful that he doesn’t make them brush their teeth.

Pearlstillsinging · 08/12/2025 18:34

No wonder he is no.longer with the boys' mother!
Do you have any kind of relationship with her? What dies she think about what happens when the boys are with their Dad?
I certainly couldn't put up with his attitude to the boys or to you.

Original poster
TheOP2 · 08/12/2025 18:34

@Coffeeishot On Saturday night he let one of them have a sugary drink at 10 pm ....!! I said well you best drink that quickly so you can brush your teeth otherwise you'll have sugar sat on your teeth all night. Hubby just sniggered. Needless to say teeth weren't brushed.

OP posts:
Frogs88 · 08/12/2025 18:44

Is his own hygiene okay? I’d sit him down and ask him why he thinks it’s okay to neglect the children’s health. Tell him that it’s off putting to watch him being so uninterested in raising his kids. I’d consider leaving over this as if someone can’t even care about their own children then I doubt they care about anyone else other than themselves.

honeylulu · 08/12/2025 19:03

He's useless. He's just doing what's easy and shuts them up. Crap parenting. (Admittedly I let mine have more screen time than they should but not constantly and they absolutely do have baths and clean their teeth. )

Bit rich of him to tell you to butt out but also moan you aren't involved enough. Which is it?

sandbankssurfing · 08/12/2025 19:09

Honestly I feel the same. I popped out with DP and his son the other day and he had given his son his phone to play games with. So while we are walking to the supermarket, the kid is just looking down and playing on the phone While his dad is semi guiding him in between people. He also gives him way too many fizzy drinks I believe, and a few other nightly things, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to say. I’m literally there biting my tongue. There are a few things that I have suggested and to be fair his dad has taken it well, but I think there’s a line. I also think this is part of the reason why many kids, boys especially, prefer their dad’s!

Thepossibility · 08/12/2025 20:06

You're annoyed because you married a lazy lump of a man and they are the living, breathing evidence.

Stopthegravytrain · 08/12/2025 21:05

You’re weird to not want kids and then marry a man with kids. Wtf.