Would you drive to your dc if they broke down?

[notmynamenamename]

I was having a conversation with a group of friends recently. We all have children in their early- mid twenties.

one mother was saying her 22 year old dd broke down in her car and called rac and was waiting for them , she text mum on family chat to let her know. Mum asked a few questions and checked she was okay. It was 4 pm and she was on a street in an urban area and was safely parked. It was about an hour from mum (she doesn’t live at mums house). Dd got home a couple hours later, car was towed to garage and her bf picked her up (they live about 20 min from where it happened)

The Dd rang in the evening upset because no one offered to come to sit with her, her bf was at work but came after (around 530). Her dad was at work and didn’t see messages until later. Her sister was also at work but messaged saying she hoped she was ok. Mum was at home but an hour away and had 13 year old due home and was doing tea.

Should mum have offered to go sit with her?

I was going to say 'yes of course I would go and help my child' but in these circumstances no I wouldn't. She didn't need help, the recovery was on its way, the child doesn't live with her mum who was an hour away, her boyfriend came to meet her, and she was completely safe. She is also an adult,in my mind there's a lot of difference between a just turned 18 year old new driver who lives at home and a 22 year old who lives with her boyfriend. So o don't think her mum did anything at all wrong once she had established her daughter was safe and help on its way.

Wouldn’t have occurred to me TBH. But I only have a DS, maybe it’s different with a daughter? Not that I would be any use to them whatsoever, but certainly I would be happy to face time chat unless I was busy at the time.

Of course not. Other than call the RAC/AA what else can you do, unless you've got a truck/towing equipment etc.

If it was a son would he have been treated any different, would he have asked in the first place?

No

Oh dear. My experience was before covid. Luckily I haven't needed them since (please don't jinx me🙏)

My dad would have and I’m 36.

In those circumstances no, and my daughter wouldn't expect it but she would probably message back and forth fairly constantly with someone - whether her boyfriend, good friend or a family member. That's just a mobile phone generation thing I guess - she's never been out of contact.

I'd go to her if I could she was somewhere unsafe - somewhere dark and secluded or something (although if it was the hard shoulder of a motorway it wouldn't be an option obviously).

It's not a normal thing to expect in the circumstances described where she was only bored and inconvienienced, not unsafe.

Exactly - my teen and adult children (and my husband) know to phone if it's time sensitive especially if I'm at work. I have my phone in my pocket but absolutely cannot look at it regularly, it would be completely inappropriate. I can almost always answer calls quickly but not chat.

They also have the work landline number if it's really urgent and a colleague will answer if I can't and find me.

Of course not - she wasn't unsafe.

Did she ask for company at the time or was she just expecting people to read her mind and now she's having a drama retrospectively?

No she didn’t ask but felt it should have been offered

I was once in a horrible situation where I broke down in daylight and by the time the rescue company got to me it was getting very late. He said I didn't have onward relay, but when I checked later, I did.
He took me to a closed garage in the middle of nowhere, which he opened up. There was no one else there. I surreptitiously took a photo of him and his van and found myself gabbling all about my family. The whole thing was terrifying. For this reason I would probably go to my daughter if I was able.

That's a bigger problem for her than having her car break down. It's not a great recipe for happiness to be having a strop because someone isn't mindreading you.

I think its best to help but as a convenience, if we cannot make a difference being there, stay away. This is what i believe.