"I think 2 years is excellent progress"

[PeriMumEndofHerTether]

Said my Mother in Law today on her visit to see us.

My darling husband was failing to fold the pushchair down and slamming his foot on the brake, rather than the fold down switch. I took over before he destroyed the brakes and said "2 years we have had this pushchair and you still haven't figured it out!"

The bar, dear reader, as they say, is in hell.

Her son is "doing really well" at not being able to fold down a push chair... but I got judged by the same woman for not making the house look like a show house for her visit, 1 month after a really difficult birth that I'm still healing from, 3 years later!! When the job to clean the fecking house was DH due to me being laid up with the baby was DH not mine!

Why are there still mothers out there, babying their 40 year old sons like this?? And treating their daughter in laws like domestic appliances! Why?

I'm sure I caught a look of horror and confusion on her face when he served us all drinks once at home, and not me...

You have my sympathies.

Because 'dear reader' there seems to be no shortage of women willing to marry these babies 🤷‍♀️

It wasn't my job to bring another woman's son up. What are you on about??

🥴🥴🥴🥴

you must have the patience of a saint.

Your not so dear h sounds much more of a problem than her.

I try to have as little contact with mil as possible. We were in ikea having meatballs and Diam cake and she couldn't resist spoon feeding him cake. I nearly died of embarrassment. Worse though, he lets her baby him.

Exactly!

Why should they improve? They get sex, domesticity, kids, etc all without trying.

Most 40yo men would also die of embarrassment rather than be spoonfed by their mums.

It's hard to relate to this tbh, where does one even find a man like this let alone marry him and have kids with him?

I wrote a whole other thread about that. He is a recovering man child. He is trying to be. But it's shit like yesterday when I see him being congratulated for failing to be a functioning adult and babied. It's me that has to pay for it.

He doesn't though. He gets his arse kicked by me and I hold him to a standard of functioning adult. Admittedly it is a full time job and it causes me stress.

Worse though, he lets her baby him.

And that is the crux of the problem.

Whatever she does, she does because it suits him.

Watching my husband being spoon fed by his mummy would kill whatever attraction I had to him forever.

I guess you've got to remember the reasons you chose him and hang onto them.

Most of my male friends, including my dh, would consider it interesting and almost a matter of pride to work out and master a mechanical-type thing like how the pram folds up.

I rant about men as much as the next woman but op's dh is really not representative.

If anything, my dh likes being able to fold/unfold it in a smooth motion with one hand, like the guy in the deckchair meme. I think most men are more like that surely- most men don't like being clumsy and useless, do they

So why did you marry someone who hadn't first demonstrated basic competence in adulting and capacity to provide appropriate feedback to his mum if she was being sexist or judgemental about his girlfriend/fiancée? Why do women keep enabling the propogation of the genes of utterly useless men by reproducing with substandard specimens?

But you must have known he was a man baby before you married and had children with him? You must have thought you could change him but, those behaviours are sadly ingrained from childhood. He is what he is at this point and will continue to cause you stress.

ah god….the spoon feeding and he liking to to babied by his Mam would put me off for good. My grandma was a bit like that with my dad, not the babying but the ‘my son needs looked after’ 🙄
How long have you been together?

Im grateful for my MIL we get on etc….she just leaves us to it. I find my MIL to harsh on my husband! Only last week she was ‘so angry and frustrated at him’ after he had an epileptic seizure after being 2 years seizure free! How is it his fault!??

I think it’s interesting that all your ire is reserved for her and not for him. Some people have to help their parents move on from the babying / overbearing stage of their relationship and what is your DH doing to reset it? I don’t like the implication that she is at fault and he has no responsibility here, feels misogynistic.

Another MIL bash?

Funny isn’t it, how women are held responsible not only for their own behaviour but for every single male related to them.

If.you are attempting to renovate I'd suggest a show one, do one approach.
Show him the breaks and the collapse button, demonstrate it.
Tell him to do it until he can do it three times correctly in a row.

Is it patronsing? Yes... it is.... but you need to parent the child husband you have.

Re: his mother i wouldnt expend energy on her. Sounds like you have your hands full already.

she couldn't resist spoon feeding him cake.

This is unhinged!

Does he get a gold star when he's done it correctly?
I'd rather get a divorce than deal with that nonsense.

I mean, he did tell her he can usually do the pram, he was just struggling with doing it in the rain and dark.

My point was that mil is happy to congratulate DH for failing rather than hold him to a normal standard.

Mind you, she needed help getting her seat belt on in the car as she couldn't do it herself and was shouting at the seat belt for being unable to connect.

He is undiagnosed but definitely dyspraxic. I have shown him how it works on multiple occasions but he gets confused sometimes. I get frustrated and am short tempered when he gets it wrong.

This. You married him. More fool you.

It is unhinged yes. She was spoon feeding both DD3 and DH40 in Ikea restaurant. Giggling. I'm cringing at the memory.