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Original poster

10 year olds talking about sex - normal or not?

48 replies

Anonymousqq · 03/12/2025 20:52

Please no judgements - DD is my eldest and I’m completely lost. I have no family I can confide in and don’t want to share with friends.

DD was “encouraged” by a group of girls today to go up to a boy and say inappropriate things to him. DD is summer born and has always been very young for her age and is easily led. She went up to this boy and repeated what the other girls told her to say whilst they giggled in the background. School called me as the boy got upset and when they questioned DD she told them about being put up to this.

I picked DD up from school later in the day knowing about the incident and casually asked her how school was today and she gave no indication of this incident. She was happily skipping along saying she had a great day. Once home I told her what school told me and she got upset and said the names of the kids who put her up to this and has just told me they all talk about sex at break times,

DD doesn’t have a phone, she has no access to internet unless It’s on my laptop when she does her homework, everything is monitored.

I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this but I feel sad that I don’t know how to help her. We just discussed setting boundaries and I found a YouTube video on how to set boundaries for kids . I spoke to her about appropriate and inappropriate conversations. I just feel so lost and upset by this.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/12/2025 20:59

The school is the appropriate place for advice on this.

Original poster
Anonymousqq · 03/12/2025 21:01

@NeverDropYourMooncup i understand but I thought if other mums have been in similar situation or work in education can give me some advice on here.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 03/12/2025 21:03

A few years ago I was timetabled to be supporting in a sex ed session for year 7s.

(now retired, was a secondary teacher).

bloody hell.

there were a few innocent souls but not many and most of them knew more about current trends on fashionable sexual activity than I do or want to do.

so yes I would imagine that at 10 there are quite a few who are very aware.

school is the appropriate place to raise this, but it would probably also be wise to try to teach your child not to use words she does not understand.

MCF86 · 03/12/2025 21:05

Definitely raise this with school. I'd probably email the DSL with pretty much what you've said here.

Whether it's normal behavior or not really depends on how those break time conversations are going - I remember being in y6 and us all giggling in my room one afternoon about different terms we had heard of (graffiti, older kids at the park gobbing off or something) but had no idea what they actually meant. But I'd fear that nowadays its increasingly likely one of them has been exposed to (or worse, experienced) something they shouldn't have.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/12/2025 21:06

Anonymousqq · 03/12/2025 21:01

@NeverDropYourMooncup i understand but I thought if other mums have been in similar situation or work in education can give me some advice on here.

I work in education. It's the school you need, not randoms on the internet who might have other motivations for whatever they say.

Sausagescanfly · 03/12/2025 21:08

From what my DD says, there seems to be a lot of talk about sex at school at this age. They seem to have done sex ed fairly recently. I imagine most children go into sex ed having learned about sex earlier at home, in an age appropriate way. But there's something about being taught about sex as a group at school that seems to prompt lots of conversations and playing around with ideas at school.

ShesTheAlbatross · 03/12/2025 21:08

I don’t think it’s particularly unusual for year 6 children to start talking about sex. But I guess it depends what they told her to say.

And aside from the sex part of it, it sounds like they weren’t being very nice to her and were setting her up to be laughed at, so that is a separate issue as well.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 03/12/2025 21:09

I talked about stuff like that as a child that age, it was laughed and giggled at and half the time we didn't understand what exactly we were saying. So I wouldn't worry about the talking about it element. I'd be concerned these 'friends' are taking the piss or bullying her and knew she would get into trouble. Maybe they were just fooling around but I think its worth looking into for her sake. I also think the school need to stress how unacceptable this is and all children need to understand this. The boys parents may be very upset but hopefully will realise it's just a stupid childish thing. Usually that's all it is, but I know many parents of girls would take this as some sort of criminal issue, personally I don't agree but there are people who do. Talk to the school, I think they will have to address it and I think you should talk to DD about how potentially harmful it could be. Don't make her feel bad though it was done in innocence, she just needs to be warned.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 03/12/2025 21:15

Octavia64 · 03/12/2025 21:03

A few years ago I was timetabled to be supporting in a sex ed session for year 7s.

(now retired, was a secondary teacher).

bloody hell.

there were a few innocent souls but not many and most of them knew more about current trends on fashionable sexual activity than I do or want to do.

so yes I would imagine that at 10 there are quite a few who are very aware.

school is the appropriate place to raise this, but it would probably also be wise to try to teach your child not to use words she does not understand.

Yeah this

It's not about the sex as much as her being easily manipulated by these kids

No judgement honestly, I was the same

A conversation on 'you dont do what others tell you to, and you dont repeat what you dont understand' as well as boundaries is important here.

' People will always try to manipulate you, its important to be strong and sure of who you are' xx

Original poster
Anonymousqq · 03/12/2025 21:16

Thank you for your advice. So basically the girls told her to go up to this boy and tell him she loves him and wants to have sex with him!

I was really shocked when school phoned me up and told me. I just didn’t expect her to say these words. Just few weeks ago she was crying as the same kids told her Santa doesn’t exist. I know she’s at the age where she needs to know the truth about Santa but I still see her as my baby and I just got overwhelmed with the conversation with school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymousqq · 03/12/2025 21:18

Does anyone have any good resources or links to resources they could point me in the right direction of please to help her not get manipulated by people?

I’ve been thinking more and more about this and I think she’s like me. I also would get people bidding me about and telling me to say things and do things when I was younger. I don’t know how to help her as I couldn’t help myself, I don’t know how to talk to her about this. My mum never had any conversations with me and I basically brought myself up

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/12/2025 21:19

Have you yourself taught her about sex?
About periods?

Original poster
Anonymousqq · 03/12/2025 21:21

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/12/2025 21:19

Have you yourself taught her about sex?
About periods?

We had a meeting in year 5 when the teachers told us about the scheme of work - they only learnt about the body, puberty and changes and in year 6 they will learn about relationships. I only spoke to her about puberty but not sex. I thought I would let her come to me with questions rather than directly tell her. What’s your thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymousqq · 03/12/2025 21:22

Yes she knows about periods.

OP posts:
Astrial · 03/12/2025 21:28

My 2 year old had been told that babies are made when mummies and daddies have a special cuddle where the daddy sticks his sausage in mummy.

Since she barely knows about gender or sex (has been known to tell her father that hes a "Good Girl" when he does something she approves of!) this explanation doesn't mean much to her. However she'll definitely know everything by the time she is 10!!

Honestly, I remember Sex Ed in Y7 -Y9: it was a game to ask questions about the most graphic porn you had seen, to see if you could make the teachers uncomfortable. Shake off your own naivity and stop leaving your child so vulnerable to this silliness. What she was told to say to the other boy was pretty mild compared to what she might well encounter in a year or two. Ignorance isn't protection.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/12/2025 21:28

My thoughts are that you've left it very late to talk about sex with your daughter.
It's best for children to have factual information from their parents from an early age, long before they learn about this at school.

Surely your daughter has asked you about this before now?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 03/12/2025 21:30

Anonymousqq · 03/12/2025 21:22

Yes she knows about periods.

Does she know why women have them? It's hard to discuss periods without discussing reproduction.

Gagamama2 · 03/12/2025 21:37

My 10 year old boy knows about sex, he sometimes makes his younger siblings / friends laugh by joking about boobies and vaginas but it’s all silliness.

i don’t think it is odd for 10 year olds to be starting to talk or joke around about sex / private parts. But I do think it is odd for them to set your DD up and make another boy uncomfortable about it. That seems to be using a sensitive subject in a more calculating and grown up way than my son and his friends are. I’d also find it in appropriate if they were talking about anything particularly in depth - knowledge of certain positions or foreplay etc etc. There’s knowing the biological basics and saying that you fancy someone etc etc, but then there’s a greater depth that would make me uncomfortable

Friendlyfart · 03/12/2025 21:39

Definitely too late to talk to her about sex. I got a great book for DD when she was about 8 and we talked about sex (age appropriate- she asked if it was ‘embarrassing’ to do it). Same with DS.

When you spoke about periods did you not include the bit about why a period happens (or not).

There’s no excuse for bullying but your DD sounds very naive and these girls have picked up on it.

Friendlyfart · 03/12/2025 21:42

The book I used was ‘Let’s Talk About Where Babies Come From’

TrickySparkles · 03/12/2025 21:43

x posted with the book recommendation

Gagamama2 · 03/12/2025 21:44

Sorry, just read the thread properly and saw your updates.

im surprised she has never asked you about sex and what happens! My children asked little questions here and there since they were really quite little, and I didn’t gloss over it, I told them the truth from the beginning (in an appropriate way). So we’ve never really had the big sit down
sex talk, they just sort of know about it naturally. I would assume most kids by 10 know the basics in this way.

Def have a chat with her and explain it, she needs to know at 10. It might be a bit awkward now as it will have to be a proper mum and me birds and the bees sec chat 😂😂 but better she can ask questions in a safe space with you than be fed misinformation by her friends

AnnaMagnani · 03/12/2025 21:47

Even back in the dark ages of the 1980s, I can remember this was the age where most of the kids found out about/became interested in what sex is. And in the playground they never shut up about it. Endless fake hilarity if anyone made the slightest comment that could be interpreted as related to sex.

So I think it's normal for the age. The difference is the access to the internet so some of the kids are very knowledgeable while still being emotionally not mature enough to know how to handle it.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 03/12/2025 21:55

She’s being manipulated because you haven’t taught her about sex. So she probably didn’t realise what she was saying to that boy. She’s 10 she should know by now and it’s your responsibility to have that talk.

Timebudda · 03/12/2025 22:04

I knew about sex at 4, i didnt know everything but i knew what it was.
I knew about periods at 6, and contraception at 8-9 years old.
Raised in a home of girls it was normal.