Giving at Christmas

[platinumanddiamonds]

AIBU
should everyone donate at Christmas
I get my 6 grandkids to make a Christmas list of presents then give one up to buy things for the local food bank
is this ok to teach them giving and caring at Christmas they are age from 7 to 14. My motto is Caring is sharing or should they discover this on there en as they get older.
so AIBU

So one child doesn’t get a present?

Rather than 'give one up', why not say their list has to include a donation to the food bank. Make it a positive, rather than a negative.

Surely you could just take them to purchase the donations without ‘giving up’ a gift each?

We donate regularly, teen DD is in charge of checking the food banks social media to see what’s most needed before we go. She also accompanies DH or I to buy advent calendar’s or selection boxes to donate mid November.

I think charity is a personal choice and should never be forced.

Role model through your own actions and generosity and they are more likely to follow - and if they don't - well that's their choice.

I'd just add "donation to food bank" to the list rather than making them each give up one of their requested gifts.

Or make donating to the food bank one of your Christmas traditions with them. No need to make them give up one of their own gifts. The donation can still be made without doing that. Not mutually exclusive.

Thank you. I would never have thought of donating to charity until you told me to

Agree rather than giving one up ask them to choose one

Why not? allow them to decide if they want to give up a gift if they are in the privileged position of being able to get more than one gift.
it would still be given but it’s teaching them something. No ? The food bank has tried to promote this idea.

I assume the children also get gifts from their parents and possibly other relatives so are getting plenty.

I think OP is trying to teach them about giving something from their own resources, sacrificing something of their own for someone worse off. Being aware that their grandmother gives money to charity wouldn’t be as meaningful. She wants them to think about what they are giving.

That seems like a good thing to me. But I think they might be too young to understand in the same way that children don’t understand the lessons behind tidying their room and helping with other chores. When they are young they often do these things solely for rewards. The rewards work because children can be quite mercenary and savvy.

What I think might happen is the children will accept they will only get five things they really want from their grandmother and add a sixth “throw away” gift for donation: something they don’t care about actually having. That would be their natural, but unrefined, savviness kicking in.

I think it's too contrived. Mine just write a list and get some of the things on it. They've never expected to get everything and they have never been asked to do a separate list for granny.

Maybe take them on a little shopping trip to get donations for the food bank instead. Them getting involved in the giving is more meaningful than electively removing a gift from their lists and more likely to sow "muscle memory" of donating when they are older.

A canny child might just start adding a dummy extra present to the list if you tried it your way more than once. Find a more straightforward method, don't play games, give them more credit.

They come shopping and do come to choose things for the food bank.
the children always ask for one charity gift for birthdays and choose their preferred charity. Their parents are very generous towards charities so they seem to have a good understanding that there are a lot of people who need help.
Our gift from their parents is usually an Oxfam gift which we appreciate ie toilet twinning.
The ten year old did a talk at school. It’s just about giving.

I agree with this. You can still teach them about giving without saying that they must give up one of their own gifts.

As others have said, they will only fall for that one once. Once they have wised up to your scheme they are more likely to add a dummy gift to the list that they don't care about and give that one up. Otherwise, it will be like giving them something they really want and then snatching it away.

Just get them to add "donation to foodbank" to their lists as an item and take them out to do it. Much simpler, and more likely to be something that children (even teenagers) will get on board with.

If donating at Christmas is important to you, then donate one of your own gifts or donate your own money, rather than guilting young children into giving up their gifts so that you can feel good about yourself.

OP my DC are adults now but all the time they were growing up they gave up £20 from their Xmas allocation to buy things to make shoebox for DC in poorer countries. As teens they made one for soldiers and elderly people. They chose who they helped. They had more than enough gifts at Xmas for themselves and got given gifts from dgp, aunties and uncles as well as stockings too. I wanted them to think of others and they had to go out and buy things for those Shoeboxes too so give it real thought.

you see this as guilting children, really. I don’t and I definitely don’t think the children see it like that.

I think you are being unreasonable. How does that even work? Do you get them everything on their list except one or just a few things except one ? I wouldn’t do this to my grandkids. If I wanted to donate I would do it but I wouldn’t feel the need to sacrifice a kids present and to tell them so. I’d do it privately.

🤣🤣you haven’t seen there list. It points out you can’t get everything you ask you.

Yes, quite. OP wants to feel good about donating, but she's doing it at the expense of her grandchildren, rather than making her own donation. Horrible behaviour - you don't donate other people's gifts, you donate your own, if donating is important to you. The weird thing is the OP comes across as though she feels superior for treating her grandchildren like this. Very odd.

Oh dear I suppose how some people view this idea reflects the people they are.
I’m amazed at how some can turn a positive into a negative. I’ll end the thread now. Have a very happy Christmas. 🎄

Nobody is against donating to charity- just the way you go about it. Why don't you get them one gift each and then get them involved in choosing what to give to the food bank. That way they will implicated.

It’s a positive if the kids are saying granny, we’d like to donate something at Christmas. Please take one of the presents from our list to gift to someone less fortunate. It’s a negative if you’re giving the impression they’ll get everything on the list they asked for, then you tell them sorry, it might have been on your list but I’ve given it away to someone else instead

It sounds to me as though their parents do their bit for charity anyway, so they’ll already see that for themselves. You don’t need to reinforce it.

Because it's simply not a positive. It's you taking something away from a small child, so you can feel good about yourself. It's you being selfish in the extreme.

If you want to feel good about donating at Christmas (which is understandable), the correct way to go about that is for you to tell people that you would like to forgo your gifts, and for them to make a donation to charity instead of buying you a gift.

How would you feel if your employer said that because they wanted to be charitable at Christmas, they'd decided to pay you only 50% of your December salary and they'd donated the other 50% to charity? (And then went round telling everyone what great and charitable employers they are!)

Wouldn’t it be better if you wrote a list and each family picks one for you. Your DGC could help choose.

Grandma’s list

Christmas dinner for a homeless person
Puffa jacket for a homeless person
Day care party for 10 people
Toiletry set for 5 homeless people
etc.

But she doesn't want to give up her own gifts, just guilt little children into doing it.

Aaaaw I see, that type of charity.