Funeral stuff: Mum says I can share a few photos and is rather amazed that my Internet wrongmo acquaintances are interested.
Many Malaysian Chinese practice a sort of hybrid polytheistic religion incorporating Taoism (with quasi-animistic elements), Confucianism and Buddhism. GM had a more Buddhist version of the traditional Chinese funeral, which was a lot less elaborate than the Taoist/Confucian version which GD had.
Generally, the burial/cremation is held 3, 5 or 7 days after death. Beforehand, there’s a wake which these days is held at the funeral parlour rather than at home - the coffin is surrounded by elaborate floral arrangements and a framed photo of the deceased, there’s an altar for offerings and joss-sticks, and outside space for “Hell money” and other paper goods to be burned. Mourners and well-wishers drop by with offerings of “white money” (the wake is announced in newspapers and these days on social media, so anyone can come), monks chant blessings, vegetarian meals are served, the family keep vigil by the body although the modern Buddhist version doesn’t require family to stay 24/7 keeping the joss sticks constantly lit. A few of GM’s nurses from her care home came to the wake and wept, one of them sent us a whole load of photos of GM having a lovely time, hugging nurses, laughing and giggling.
Clothing for close family members is strictly white and black, although some families permit blue for grandchildren and green for subsequent generations; also red is allowed if the deceased was over 100 years old.
On the burial day, there’s final prayers with offerings of flowers, burning of more joss sticks, then a procession to the cemetery, with banging of gongs and chanting, the family following behind; traditionally only family attend this part of the funeral. These days all done by car rather than on foot.
GM was buried in the plot we’d bought for her and GD almost 5 decades ago in one of the oldest Chinese cemeteries on the island, having the most auspicious Feng Shui aspect. In Hokkien dialect “Chey sua, khua hai” meaning “sitting on the mountain, gazing at the sea.” It’s a prime plot being right at the top of the mountain, behind it only bushes and trees. The entire hillside is covered with graves, so the only way up is on foot picking your way between graves. The coffin was tied with thick rope to a huge beam, with additional beams coming off it to spread the weight to about 20-25 burly pallbearers; even with this number of people it was really hard going for them to get up to the grave and they had to keep resting and being replaced. You can see how difficult the route is in the photos.
Meanwhile, the mourners themselves and the monk had to struggle up the mountain, burdened with the offerings for the grave. The eldest son is supposed to carry the altar-pot containing the lit joss-sticks, but First and Second Uncles were too frail to carry stuff and climb at the same time (my brother and cousins had to help tow the older family members uphill), so Third Uncle carried it. GM’s coffin was lowered into the grave and the final chants and prayers said, food offerings made (again far less elaborate than GM herself would have done each year for QingMing aka Chicken-rolling, these days smaller amounts of pre-bought items in plastic boxes). My mum left a specific offering of a small bottle of stout because GM loved stout. Then each mourner had to take a handful of soil and throw it into the grave, then walk away without looking back. The monk allowed my brother and a couple of cousins to stay back to take photos after the grave was covered, it’ll later have a fresh covering of turf planted.