Vitriol on mumsnet

[fedupposter]

I know there is a thread on this every week but I’m contributing another.

Wtf has happened to this site?? It used to be a supportive, kind community of women. We used to support each other through hard times - divorce, health concerns, blended families, affairs - and now all this site has become is a place to take the proverbial mask off and let rip on people seeking genuine advice!

I’ve seen three threads this morning where as usual the first comment sets the tone of nastiness and then everyone piles on. People taking comments out of context, name calling, rudeness and some just downright cruel comments.

Was it Covid? What happened? Makes me so sad and I will probably not come back after this post which is a shame as I’ve been a lurker for a decade and had a couple of different accounts over the years.

You're right. Really unnecessary nastiness at times. I started a thread and there were several unpleasant posts that I reported and they were deleted. I was unsure at first, thinking Mumsnet would think I was being a 'snowflake' but they immediately removed the posts.

It's really easy to spot the 'goady' posters at the outset, so in future I will always report. I would encourage others to do the same whenever possible. It's a pain and we shouldn't have to, but it's better than allowing the nasty posts to remain.

When I first joined Mumsnet, this wouldn't have happened.

Yes, OP, I agree wholeheartedly. This could be such a supportive place if it wasn't for the unkind and cruel individuals dotted around.

MNHQ have said they’ll toughen up on nastiness - there was a thread under Site Stuff and now there’s one thanking them for starting to do this.
But it relies on people reporting nasty posts. It only takes a few seconds.

@fedupposter thanks for posting - please do report this kind of thing to us. We’ve been working hard behind the scenes to step in sooner when posts cross the line from forthright to unnecessarily unkind.

Kindly, I think you need to get a grip.

(Kidding! I agree with you, it's mad how mean people have gotten. The mean ones always preface their venom with "kindly" or "gently" too which annoys me so much!)

I think there’s a lot of people on here who aren’t Mums/Parents.
I think there are a lot of rude people who spend too much time online and not enough time in the fresh air!
I also think a lot of the posting is political. I don’t think it genuinely comes from individuals. It’s a useful tool for forwarding particular agendas. It’s been crazy since the budget.
I’m also frankly sick of listening to obviously wealthy individuals who don’t have a clue about the privilege they hold.
I think I’m going to take another break from it.

I’m not sure I’d be interested in a forum where everyone is obliged to agree with the OP, or the prevailing view. And people are rather inclined to take offence here if you put any contrary point of view - whether that be on cookery or shopping for clothes!

Really? Maybe they should also have a rethink of the actual guidelines too? I really do not appreciate having a post deleted for suggesting that an OP maybe posting in less than good faith to deliberately stir up trouble (presumably falling foul of their ‘troll hunting’ policy) but the utterly appalling and disgusting ableist comments (that I was calling out) were allowed to stand left, right and centre.

I agree, OP. This last week, in particular, has been ten times worse than usual.

There’s a big difference between discussing opposing views in an adult fashion and downright personal attacks. it seems some people are even going back through posters’ previous threads, looking to try and trip them up or catch them out.

I’m glad to read that MNHQ are addressing it.

You’re absolutely right OP. When someone who can’t think critically or view the full picture reads a comment, a word or a take that triggers them, they instantly lash out like a rabid dog. No logic, no discussion. They rarely bother to read the whole thread or any of the replies.

My advice to anyone who recognises this in themselves: before responding, tap the filter icon at the top, select “filter by response,” and read the original poster’s replies first. I

t’s quite funny to see how logic and level discussion goes out the window. It’s like trying to dealing with a classroom full of sugar fuelled infants all screaming at the same time.

I suspect there are people on this site who are here to deliberately derail threads and to spout their nastiness - they add nothing to a discussion and delight in repeatedly goading the OP.

With this kind, the best thing to do, without a doubt, is ignore them. Simply don't give them attention, as this is what they are looking for. I did that on the thread I posted recently and the same goady posters implied that my silence was proof of what they were accusing me of - how can you win??

Ignore and report if you feel able to do so.

With this kind, the best thing to do, without a doubt, is ignore them

And report them! Unless MNHQ have these kinds of posts/posters drawn to their attention, it’s very hard to change things.

No-one is required to be a "mum/parent" on this site and Mumsnet have consistently made this very clear.

Surely you aren't implying that mums and parents are less rude than people who aren't?

Yep this happened to me constantly on a forum I used to be on. Being criticised, name called and accused of things that I'd never done. Its more fun to taunt and ridicule someone who bites and gets upset than to support someone and give them a handheld. Its really sad but it says more about what kind of person they are than the person who the vitriol is directed against. Be kind.

What does not being a parent have to do with the inability to be civil? Some of the most horrible posts I've seen in the last few weeks have come from people who I'm pretty sure are mothers. It doesn't stop them posting really unpleasant stuff, delivering personal attacks or indulging in persistent goading that skates cleverly round the guidelines.

Absolutely.

It's got worse recently, but it's not a new thing. A few years ago I had trouble logging in, so signed on again using a different user name. Well people were absolutely vile to me, really mean! I wish now that I'd experimented by posting the same thing under this name (the original, I sorted out the problem) to see if I got the same responses.

Forums are what they are. Nice people, genuine people, and keyboard warriors.

It’s always been the same. 😉

The racism and ableism is now off the charts. It's telling that these sorts of threads (this one we're posting on now) rarely fill up but start a benefit-bashing thread, an immigration thread and people can't wait to post their really unpleasant views.

And once again, discussion around benefits, immigration should of course be allowed. This is separate from downright racism, disinformation and nigh on eugenics-based vitriol that always appear on such threads.

I've seen several severely spiteful threads in the last few days, one in particular was really horrible, with people piling on to give a distressed OP an absolute kicking for finding herself and her dc in an abusive relationship, and people were telling her it was her own fault. Some of the comments were truly vile, and nobody would ever say something like that face to face.

I definitely gained confidence from reporting the nasty responses on a thread, when it was clear mumsnet took them seriously and agreed with me. I'd encourage everyone to report if they can, it may make this site a more pleasant place. I'll probably be doing it more often now!

Did you report them @RescueMeFromThisSilliness?

Sorry are you saying that because I had a still birth and subsequently had to have a hysterectomy because of a massive pph I don’t have the ability to be nice on threads?

The problem is that a lot of the time it's not even reportable stuff. Recently it's become so antagonistic, posters seem to default into confrontational attitudes, seeing digs where there aren't any...the tone of many posts has become really disagreeable lately.

I agree. Mumsnet can be deeply unpleasant. I left for about a year after a particularly wounding experience. Having rejoined, for one particular board, it doesn’t seem to have improved. Literally, unkindness for sport. It’s horrible.

MNHQ really do need to do something about the general tone/ culture of the site to prevent all the sane people from just leaving or avoiding huge swathes of the.site.

Yes I did, although I haven't been back to the threads since to see whether anything was done about it.

We can but hope. 🙂