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Original poster

Embarrassing shit your toddler has pulled

45 replies

JabbaDaButt · 27/11/2025 11:09

The majority of us on this site are parents so know kids, but specifically toddlers, are a law unto themselves.

Mine wasn't too bad, she used to love to carry around a Dyson vacuum attachment and would raise merry hell if you tried to take it off her, so we spent a good few months getting odd looks everywhere we went she finally ditched it and transferred her affections onto a squeaky dog toy 🤦‍♀️

Work's on a slow burn today so cheer me up with your stories of the most embarrassing thing your little cherub has done please!

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 27/11/2025 11:13

We bought a pumpkin to carve in October and it went everywhere - to bed, to nursery, had to take it out in the pram with us.

Original poster
JabbaDaButt · 27/11/2025 11:14

Thread inspired by seeing my neighbour trying to get her toddler into the car this morning and he was yelling "HEEEELLLLLLLLP" like she was kidnapping him instead of taking him to nursery 😂
It's a daily occurrence for her at the minute and we just exchange looks of sympathy and solidarity.

OP posts:
Original poster
JabbaDaButt · 27/11/2025 11:17

MidnightPatrol · 27/11/2025 11:13

We bought a pumpkin to carve in October and it went everywhere - to bed, to nursery, had to take it out in the pram with us.

That's so cute 🎃
Much more acceptable than a vacuum cleaner attachment 😂

OP posts:

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Families
SoloMumJustMuddlingThrough · 27/11/2025 13:43

Mine has a habit of saying LOUDLY "Look mummy, a man ...just like grandad" every time she sees a man.
The thing is she also says it about women with short hair.

It's bad enough she calls them a man, without also implying they look old. 🤦

familyissues12345 · 27/11/2025 13:46

This was years ago, but my little darling literally pulled his pants down and did a big poo at the park on the school walk home (he was 3).

We had never used so much as a bush for an outdoor wee, so no idea where he’d thought that was a suitable place to go. I’ve never forgotten feeling so mortified as I turned round and there he was, squatting.

Brandyb · 27/11/2025 13:48

familyissues12345 · 27/11/2025 13:46

This was years ago, but my little darling literally pulled his pants down and did a big poo at the park on the school walk home (he was 3).

We had never used so much as a bush for an outdoor wee, so no idea where he’d thought that was a suitable place to go. I’ve never forgotten feeling so mortified as I turned round and there he was, squatting.

Definitely one to store up for the wedding day speech!

Theoscargoesto · 27/11/2025 13:53

Mine aged around 7. Boy next door used to babysit (call him A) and 2 doors down there was a family with a girl about the same age as A, called B. B’s dad stopped to talk to DD, and she said, who are you? He said, very proudly, “I’m B’s dad’. DD said, very matter of fact, “Oh. A says B is a tart”. Why doesn’t the ground open up on such occasions?

Rictasmorticia · 27/11/2025 13:53

My GS insisted in carrying the fish, still with its head all around the supermarket. After his bath DD took him up to bed, only to find that he had taken the fish head out of the bin and put it on his pillow.

mumonthehill · 27/11/2025 13:57

Took just potty trained ds out, huge queue for the ladies and he was bursting so nipped into the disabled loo where he promptly pulled the red emergency cord, lots of staff came running........ i know I should not have used the disabled loo, never did again.

AlwaysHopefull89 · 27/11/2025 13:59

At the moment for us is fingers in places they shouldn’t be and making you smell them. 🥲

seashaken · 27/11/2025 14:06

My son, not long after he started reception and was loving it. He'd been ill and I was planning to keep him off that day but he had to come to the school with me in the morning while we dropped his older sister off. As I was saying good bye to her he went into his cloakroom and started hanging his coat up, when I said he wasn't staying he went berserk and I had to carry him out, kicking and screaming "But I don't like it at home!"

AlwaysHopefull89 · 27/11/2025 14:48

seashaken · 27/11/2025 14:06

My son, not long after he started reception and was loving it. He'd been ill and I was planning to keep him off that day but he had to come to the school with me in the morning while we dropped his older sister off. As I was saying good bye to her he went into his cloakroom and started hanging his coat up, when I said he wasn't staying he went berserk and I had to carry him out, kicking and screaming "But I don't like it at home!"

I feel this Blush😂

LoserWinner · 27/11/2025 15:10

Daughter, 3, loudly asked the generously proportioned gentleman next to her on the bus ‘so when is your baby due?’

BeenChangedForGood · 27/11/2025 15:17

Walking past a local shop with DS (about 3 at the time) and there was a (rather short) man outside who quite frankly looked like he would punch anyone in the face that even looked his way - he was ranting away to himself and pacing around 🫠 So as you do, you keep your head down and pick up the pace and hope to pass with no drama.
Except DS puts the breaks on and stops and points right in his face and continues repeating at the top of his voice “Look mummy - a really tiny little man!” 🫠🤣
Ive never picked him up faster 🤣

Achewyhamster · 27/11/2025 15:29

familyissues12345 · 27/11/2025 13:46

This was years ago, but my little darling literally pulled his pants down and did a big poo at the park on the school walk home (he was 3).

We had never used so much as a bush for an outdoor wee, so no idea where he’d thought that was a suitable place to go. I’ve never forgotten feeling so mortified as I turned round and there he was, squatting.

Mine did the same thing but in a gents urinal

She was obsessed with my brother and insisted on going into the empty gents with him

Apparently it was a long metal tray type (no idea-i dont use the gents) and as my brother was having a wee at one end,he looked over to see a newly toilet trained dd having the biggest poo he'd ever seen ('what the hell did you feed her?')

The same child a few weeks later was with us at tesco

She was getting a bit ratty and I said id take her outside to cool off before she really blew up

It ended with her slung over my shoulder and she was screaming 'HELP!IM BEING KIDNAPPED!THIS IS NOT MY MUMMY!'

Thankfully nobody stopped me (they really should have!)

Of course we had to be at the farthest point to the door so I had to march fast through the whole shop

Her brother once threw a tantrum over the fact I refused to buy him a 'party bag' in the chemist

It was in fact a home testing kit for thrush in a brightly coloured bag within eye level

That ended with him being slung over my shoulder and him trying to cling onto lampposts and fences while I'm matching him home

There's a reason I have grey hair...

Simonjt · 27/11/2025 15:52

In a cubicle in a public toilet our daughter said to me “no, you’re not my Papa you’re not you’re not” the man in the next cubicle who had been talking (i guess on his phone) went instantly silent. I got us out of there asap!

In a cafe our son mentioned to me that the waitress had bad breath as she was taking our orders (he wasn’t speaking English) and she asked what he said so I lied and said something nice, he then pipes up in english “no no I said I can smell dog poo coming from there” as he pointed at her mouth.

CoodleMoodle · 27/11/2025 16:57

DS once shouted, "I don't know you, you're a stranger!" at me in a swimming pool. As if I'd kidnapped a kid and decided to take them swimming! He pulled that on me again recently and (because he's a bit older now) I just said "okay, if that's what you want" and swam away... he swam after me going "Mummmmyyyyyy! Come baaaacckkk!" 😂

Also swimming pool changing rooms are the loudest places on earth but I've heard all sorts through the walls. Which means plenty of people must've heard, "Mummy, why have you got such a big bum?" and "Mummy, your nipples are so much bigger than mine!" also from DS. On the same day. We had a little chat about not commenting on other people's bodies, especially when it's your mother and you're in public!

DD has never done it, only DS!

Original poster
JabbaDaButt · 27/11/2025 17:11

Haha these have made my day!

@CoodleMoodle Yep, I hear ya on the swimming pool changing rooms acoustics. DD 4 at the time, chose that moment to ask why do I have “a beard, down there on your jojo?” 😳

OP posts:
GreenGodiva · 27/11/2025 17:14

My youngest dd was 2 1/2 and one day we had to pull up to the local shopping centre so I could run in and get a prescription from the walk in. Left her in the minibus we had at the time with my DH ( her dad). She took GREAT OFFENCE at me going into the walk in as there was a very special (shitty) ride on this for £1 thing that she loved. So she did what arsehole toddlers do. She screamed the van down. My DH opened the back door to comfort her and she starts “ you are NOT my daddy, I want MY real DADDY!! Where is my mummy and daddy! I LOVE THEM, TAKE ME BACK!”

As expected, a crowd formed. Security were called. I walked out to a baying angry mob with my DH trying to explain that he was in fact her real dad and she was just being a nob. I had to show the prescription in her name and explain where I’d been.

mortifying.

thebeautifulsky · 27/11/2025 17:46

DGC out in the Village last week. The local farmer stopped to say hello. Toddler to farmer, "Hello Old McDonald".

Baggingarea · 27/11/2025 18:07

familyissues12345 · 27/11/2025 13:46

This was years ago, but my little darling literally pulled his pants down and did a big poo at the park on the school walk home (he was 3).

We had never used so much as a bush for an outdoor wee, so no idea where he’d thought that was a suitable place to go. I’ve never forgotten feeling so mortified as I turned round and there he was, squatting.

Shaking with laughter at this. It has really tickled me!

Fionasapples · 27/11/2025 18:18

My little DS climbed onto his great granny's knee, studied her very wrinkled face and asked if she used to be a ventriloquist's dummy because of the thick lines on either side of her chin.

Latenightreader · 27/11/2025 18:18

Took my toddler into the public loo when I was desperate and she gave quite the commentary. "Wow Mummy, that's a really big tinkle. It's keeping going Mummy. Oh it's stopping now, well done." I hope the snigger from the next cubical was one of solidarity.

One day she refused to leave the park and we had left it as late as we possibly could. I ended up carrying her horizontal and screaming along the path. I remember saying to a passing couple "it's such a magical age" - about the only time I've managed something like that. I kept my cool until we got home, where I handed her over to my Mum and locked myself in the bathroom to calm down.

She's seven now, and really lovely!

bigbootsweather · 27/11/2025 18:23

Took DD (aged about 4) camping. Each evening I she showered with me in the site shower block. There were 3 showers in a row and on night 1 the woman in the next shower obviously dropped something, hurt herself and said (quite loudly) 'Ouch, Fuck'. Later that evening DD asked what it meant and I told her it was not a very rude word but the lady said it because she was shocked when she dropped something- we would use a nicer word.

The next evening there was a queue for the showers so I was trying to be as quick as possible (not easy with a small child in tow). Whilst trying to hurry to get dressed I knocked my toiletry bag on the floor. DD said loudly and clearly 'Well done Mummy, you didn't say Fuck!'. The walk out, past a queue of people who had clearly heard and had no idea of the context was uncomfortable but I couldn't think of anything to say that would not make it sound worse

SpringingOn · 27/11/2025 18:42

My toddler aged about 2 and I got onto a bus and a random man walked passed us. For some reason, my son looked straight at him and said loudly "Hello Daddy". Man looked a bit perplexed. I helpfully clarified "that's not your Daddy, Daddy is at work". (I think we had been reading "That's not your teddy book" so I was in a bit of a sing song phase). Cue my toddler demanding in a loud voice every time a man got on or off the bus "Is that my Daddy?". It was a long and somewhat mortifying bus ride.