Embarrassing shit your toddler has pulled

[JabbaDaButt]

The majority of us on this site are parents so know kids, but specifically toddlers, are a law unto themselves.

Mine wasn't too bad, she used to love to carry around a Dyson vacuum attachment and would raise merry hell if you tried to take it off her, so we spent a good few months getting odd looks everywhere we went she finally ditched it and transferred her affections onto a squeaky dog toy 🤦‍♀️

Work's on a slow burn today so cheer me up with your stories of the most embarrassing thing your little cherub has done please!

Oh I also had one that pulled the red emergency cord in a restaurant where the baby change was inside the disabled loo.

Went to DD’s nursery Christmas performance, aged 3. She was right in the middle of the front row and loudly sang “when Santa got stuck up my bum” instead of “when Santa got stuck up the chimney”.

Took the same child to Mauritius on holiday a few weeks later. Upon return, she asked my mum if she had ever been to Mauritius, to which mum replied that she had not. DD then said “oh dear, is that because you’re poor?”

I’ve shared this story before under my old name

PFB was on reins, can’t remember her age but I think under 2. In the local Co-op DD put her arm out and totally destroyed a shelf worth of wine. Wine was displayed on a ‘gondola’. Mortifying and thank god was wasn’t expected to pay for all the wine bottles.

Fast forward a few years, shop refurbished and new place for wine on a back wall display safely out of the way.

chatting to the till operator she recollected the time a toddler smashed several wine bottles. I could/ should have kept quiet but I couldn’t bare to hear the story so quickly stopped her with “ yes, that was my child” I was so embarrassed 😳

My 2yo got pronouns mixed up. One time we were walking to nursery and a big beefy looking macho man walks past us and she loudly asked me 'What's her name?' Brilliant 😂

When DD was a toddler she pointed to the wine in Tesco and asked what it is. I must have waffled something along the lines of, "A kind of grape juice that some mums and dads drink."

Some months later I pushed her in the trolley around Tesco. As we pass the off licence section she starts kicking her chubby little legs in excitement, bouncing and pointing, and gleefully shouts, "LOOOK! LOOOOOK!! IT'S MUMMY JUICE!"

Eyes were on me. I felt judged.

DS went through a phase of calling Daddy at strange men in queues.

I remember him becoming particularly distraught, crawling over my shoulder, arms outstretched, desperately trying to get to the young man behind me as I queued to pay for petrol. "Daddeeeee! Daddeeeeee!"

The young lad was mortified. Weirdly none of these men looked remotely like DH. He's a wee funny ticket. 😁

When my DS was a toddler we were on a very busy bus when out of nowhere he suddenly started loudly singing "Karma Chameleon" !!! I didn't even know he knew the song 😂 It charmed the other passengers luckily!

When DD was about 3, on the walk home from nursery she would point at every single man who passed by and ask loudly "MUMMY, IS THAT MY DADDY?!" This went on for weeks, maybe months. It never got less embarrassing... (just to be clear DH is a hands on Dad she definitely knew who he was!). The only exception was a bald man whom she asked "MUMMY, IS THAT EMMA'S DADDY?" (Emma's dad had very short hair/the shortest grade on the clippers you can do without totally removing your hair) 🤦‍♀️ Didn't matter what the man looked like - dark hair, blond hair, tall, short - IS THAT MY DADDY?!! every.single.time.

Took DD into loo, she was about 3, someone goes into loo cubicle next to us, and does a loud fart then a wee, DD says very loudly “next door did a fart, is she going to do a poo now”? We stayed in the cubicle until I knew next door had left the toilet!

DS2 was a lively toddler. Once when we were dropping his older sister at kinder, I was distracted talking with the teacher and another child informed me he was running around naked. Then I had to go around the grounds picking up his discarded clothes, nappy, shoes etc while other children ’helped'. He'd obviously taken off running pulling off his clothes as he went.
Then another time we were dropping DD at school and he mistook a dog turd as a rock and picked it up with his hands. I was yelling “put the dog poo DOWN" in front of all the waiting parents because I obviously didn't want to touch it and he didn't want to lose his prize.

My daughter (around age 2) once mortified my husband by asking him in public why he had a “tail” hanging down and she didn’t. Safe to say we had more chats about anatomy and anatomical terms after that!

My DS did something similar 😆 for several months, any time we passed a man ANYWHERE he would say beseechingly to him ‘daddy???? MY daddy?????’ Never mind that he knew damn well who his daddy was and that he was at work.

Same child would also smile winningly at waitresses around the age of two or three, pucker up and say ‘kiss?’

Same child again did a big poo in his nappy around the age of 1.5 while still in bed, and when I came in to get him up he had completely silently filled both nostrils with it. I was practically hysterical squeezing it out and was convinced he was going to get some kind of awful infection. Thought I’d removed it all only for it to start dribbling out halfway around Tesco, and then he (somehow) pissed all over my foot as I cleaned his face. After that, we always put the onesie on backwards so he couldn’t get it off.

Mine where a tiny bit older than toddlers but I still want to due of shame

I'd bought them gap baseball caps (one pink,one blue and one orange)

Anyway,for some reason I was standing with them outside the local
supermarket,when I saw another mum and we got chatting

I suddenly noticed I was getting some very odd looks from people walking past

I turned round and the little sods where lined up in a row,caps in hands and saying 'change please,we are staving!'

I could have throttled them

(And I didnt have a clue what to do with the bit of money they had made as I didnt know who it belonged to!)

My son is going through a phase where a man will walk past, DS will point at him, laugh hysterically and say “hahahaha, silly man”. Some very confused men just waiting for their bus or trying to go about their shopping!

Dc2 was once being pushed in a buggy through town and kept throwing her arms up and shouting “help me!” to any passing stranger!
little horror 😂
no one intervened and took her away from me but my god I was mortified, she was such a happy jolly little soul but I’ve never forgotten that day. I remind her about it often.

Me aged 3 confidently telling the doctor (possibly a neurologist or someone as I have Cerebral Palsy) that she shouldn't be offering the children sweeties as it will rot their teeth!

DD walked with me past one of our neighbours and loudly asked 'is that man my Daddy? I could hear him laughing...
Also had toddler skipping along the aisles in the supermarket singing 'bottle of wine, bottle of wine'
Oh the embarrassment 😄

Mine are teens now, but this was when DS was about 3 and my grandmother (in her 90s) was visiting:

Great-granny: Good night darling, sleep well and sweet dreams.
DS: Night night. Rest in peace!

This was quite some time ago (she’s16 now). DD1 went through a phase of saying, loudly and clearly ‘Is that a lady or a man?’ 😳
mercifully it was before Trans stuff care to the fore…
One particularly cringe time was collecting parents from an airport and every time anyone came through the sliding doors in arrivals she’d yell ‘Is it a lady or a man?’ 😳😳😳

DD, to her nursery's manager, at the front door, first in line in a queue of parents at drop off- "Did you have a nice weekend DD?" "Yes I did, but Daddy hit mummy a lot and she cried."

This literally did not happen. Nothing even remotely similar happened, nothing she could've mistaken for him hitting me, or me crying happened. Cue me being ushered in and having to reassure the lovely manager that I was safe, nothing had happened and I don't know why DD decided to say that. Obviously grateful that that was their response, but ffs, talk about bad timing!

In the same vein as @familyissues12345, my DGS, when about 3ish, while at the top of a toddler climbing frame at the playground, pulled down his pants and wee'd over the edge into the sandpit. Mid summer so LOTS of other children were playing there.

I yelled 'Noooooooooooooo' and slow-moed over to grab him. By which point he'd finished and just pulled up his pants.

Mortifying.