Well that was unexpected and I hope not caused by something I did.

[Beltand]

Young couple I know are getting married. Hes does some voluntary work that benefits my family and she is a member of a club I go to. Lovely people and I'm grateful for the work he does but I don't know them well.

I asked a friend who's going to the wedding for the gift list link and bought a small gift, just by way of wishing them well.

I never for a minute expected or wanted to be invited and I knew the invitations had already gone out.

An invitation has arrived! It's possible we're second tier guests and they've had a lot of declines (midweek wedding) but I wouldn't have expected even that tbh.

Now, as invited guests, including DC, four of us, for a sit down dinner, the gift is far too small!

I don't know how to tell them I'm sorry if I caused a mix up...?

OMG! What a hideous position to be in.

I think I’d possibly politely decline, I’d hate them to spend on food/drink when I was just buying a little gift when I just wanted to because I think they’re lovely people, and them getting married makes me feel happy in a ‘ahh… remember young love’ nostalgic kind of way.

I really don't get this
If you've been invited that was their decision.
If you've brought a present from the link then how can it be too small
It doesn't matter if the present isn't a big one. They surely won't have invited you based on what present they think you'll get.
Go to the wedding

Presents aren't compulsory. You have been invited because they want you to be there on their special day. You wouldn't have received an invite if they didn't.

Just get a second small gift from the list

I'm worried that my buying a gift is what triggered the invitation. I really wouldn't have expected it.

Seems a bit weird to get hold of the wedding list for a wedding that (at that point) you weren't invited to. Could have come across that you were angling after an invitation.

Yes, that's what I'm worried about now. At the time I just wanted to get a little gift and it seemed sensible to get one from the list

But why waste time thinking about this?
I doubt this is why but either way it's still their decision to invite you. No one forced them.

How do they know you’ve bought a gift if the wedding hasn’t happened?

You're massively overthinking this. Maybe they did send you an invitation because of the gift, so what? I doubt it's out of misplaced obligation, maybe they're just nice people who think you're nice people? It's a nice thing!!

I don't know how these things work. Won't they find out until the wedding? That makes me feel better.

If you purchased online presumably you had to give your name at the point of purchase so they will know that you have bought it for them. I doubt that would have triggered them to suddenly invite four people, but you might be right about the second tier. If you like them and want to go, then go, and if you feel the gift is too small you can give them a card with money in it on the day. That said I don't like the idea that present value equals attendance value (food, etc.) presents should never be transactional.

I used to work in a shop that did wedding lists. The couple didn’t get a copy of the list showing who bought what until after the wedding. But different shops may be different.

No but I would spend more on a gift for a wedding I was going to than a little token.

I think I would thank them for the invitation but say you have a prior engagement that has been agreed for several months. The last part hopefully will preempt any thoughts that you are declining the invitation because you received the invitation after other people got theirs and are in a bit of a snit.

That nice gesture of yours turned into a bit of a nightmare. Such a shame but I would have done and felt the same as you.

And I’m astonished that other posters are unaware that sometimes people are invited to weddings from a sense of obligation. Have they never read another wedding thread?

They wouldn’t have invited you if they didn’t want to.

The age old Mumsnet saying is that it's an invitation not a summons. You could just not go and still send the gift as intended.

They like you. They invited you. Spare places already paid for are best filled than wasted.

I would go to the wedding if you want and maybe put some money in the card as an extra gift.

This!! ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

Because you're worried about how this happened, you could simply decline with many thanks saying you have a family celebration that day.

If it’s from a proper list they don’t deliver until after the wedding.

so likely they don’t know.

you can get another gift aswell?

Accept their generosity.
You will embarrass them if you talk about why you were invited.
You could always add cash in a card to the gift.

It's possible they've already paid for x number if people and had more declines than expected, so it would go to waste. I'd bring along a card with some money in it as a top-up.

They'll probably end up paying whether they fill the seats or not.