Well that was unexpected and I hope not caused by something I did.

[Beltand]

Young couple I know are getting married. Hes does some voluntary work that benefits my family and she is a member of a club I go to. Lovely people and I'm grateful for the work he does but I don't know them well.

I asked a friend who's going to the wedding for the gift list link and bought a small gift, just by way of wishing them well.

I never for a minute expected or wanted to be invited and I knew the invitations had already gone out.

An invitation has arrived! It's possible we're second tier guests and they've had a lot of declines (midweek wedding) but I wouldn't have expected even that tbh.

Now, as invited guests, including DC, four of us, for a sit down dinner, the gift is far too small!

I don't know how to tell them I'm sorry if I caused a mix up...?

Even if it did prompt it, my guess would be they’ve had a lot of declines, saw your gift and thought ‘well isn’t that lovely of them? Let’s give them some of our empty spaces instead of random distant relatives we never see.’

Go to the wedding. Take a bottle of good champagne in a gift bag and pop it on the gift table with a card.

If you don’t think the gift is now enough then put some cash or a voucher for a shop you know they use in a card and give it with the gift.

You could just be unable to make it, being mid week and all.

OP, in a kind way, chill.
We had a smallish wedding (50 ish). We were delighted with everyone who came. Some folk we don't speak to now through circumstance not fall out but we are still so glad they came. Just go, enjoy yourselves, say thank you and go home. Do not overthink it!

Just decline, then.

I don't think this is the complicated dilemma you think it is.

It isn't in the least. Just take the invitation at face value and unrelated to the cost of the gift. They might not yet know you bought them anything and regardless it's their choice to invite you.

There's absolutely no need to feel in the least awkward or to buy them anything else.

If you feel you need to give more, there is usually a gift table - buy something else and take it with you.

Iffy you buy from list they will see it

It’s likely the friend you asked for the list from has mentioned it to them and they’ve thought you thought you were invited and have now sent you official invitations.
Accept or decline.
I think if anything is awkward, it’s the fact you enquired about their wedding list in the first place, as someone who doesn’t know them very well and who wasn’t invited to their wedding.

Go to the wedding if you have the day / evening free and everyone has something to wear .
You could, if you wanted to , sign back into the wedding list get another thing ?

Yeah, the wedding list was for attendees only. The gifts on there aren't for random people to purchase for the couple.

So they could've done it as a reaction to a gift from your wedding list.

It's not a big deal to just politely decline. As you say you barely know them.

It was a lovely thought to get them something but I can see how buying via the wedding list that is sent to guest may have caused some confusion.

If it's midweek surely it's easy to say you can't make it because of work/ school and you hope they have a lovely day. If they genuinely have spare places they can just invite someone else.

They might have done it as a reaction to the gift, but I very much doubt it was in an obligation kind of way because nobody would spend that amount of money out of obligation. They would have only invited you to the evening if it was an obligation invite or just the adults and no children hoping you would decline , but you said you’ve all been invited to a sit down dinner - so I assume the whole thing?

If I was them it would be because I thought it was very thoughtful of you to send a gift and/or because I had genuinely overlooked inviting you.

I think you shouldn’t overthink it, go and enjoy it, and see this as them potentially being new friends in your life rather than just a volunteer/club member relationship.

You are so overthinking. Just go and have a lovely time.
I dont think its true about the list being only for guests. Ive looked at lists of my childrens friends and bought from them when I wasn't invited. Its the sensible thing to do.
If you have such complicated thought processes maybe think along the lines they might be hurt if yout turn the invite down!

I'm sure they haven't just invited you because you bought them a gift. They obviously have space for you because if they didn't you'd not have received an invite at all. Go & enjoy it & wish them well or don't go if you don't want to.

I agree with others.
It's not difficult.

If you like them (as it sems you do) and enjoy weddings, and are able, then go.
If you don't like weddings, then the fact it is mid-week makes it pretty easy to say "Oh, thank you for thinking of us but we can't make it work".

Even if they somehow heard you had got them a gift, it wouldn't have made them pay for 4 extra places at the wedding because of it - they will have had space, and thought 'Let's ask @Beltand and her family'.
My dd got married last year. They got a couple of presents from people that weren't invited - it didn't make them create extra spaces at the wedding. They thought 'Oh, that's kind' and wrote a thank you card. Separately, there were 4 people who couldn't come after they'd had to give the numbers in, so they looked at the list of people they would have liked to have invited but hadn't been able to, and invited a family of 4 who they hoped would be able to come.