People lying on mumsnet

[Shelly421]

Slightly light hearted but ive read a few threads where some posters sound completely implausible, think showing off about money or gifts or how attractive they are/how many men want them. I often think, are they just fantasists sitting at home making up the lives they want. I guess im asking, do others think like this and often read stuff here and think 'what a load of rubbish?

Unless it's really obvious, I tend to believe posters on here. I really object to those who try to turn in mini detectives and try to unpick every line of the post, in order to be able to say 'gotcha!' as if they've proved the PP is a liar. If you don't like the thread, then stop reading it.

I think there's some lying but there are also some people who find it really hard to imagine or empathise with anyone who lives a life outside their daily experience. This covers the very rich and the very poor and struggling. If you think a post is made up, then there's no need to reply is there, you can head off elsewhere. But there's always the chance, even if the original post is invented, that someone, somewhere can get help or validation from it.

So I tend to just shrug and skim on past a lot of 'I'm so rich and gorgeous' because there's nothing anyone can add to that. But the 'I'm living on 20p a day and I'm cold and hungry' posts might be of help to someone who is living on £5 a day and is cold and hungry.

All with a pinch of salt for sure. I think I’m better able to recognise fakes now as there seems to be more of them about. Things that make threads and replies suspect, like other pp have mentioned.

It is a shame though, I value the honesty here! It’s helped me through some stuff over the years and I’d like to think I’ve been able to help/ encourage others too. If they were fake posters ah well, at least some of them will have been genuine! I value the replies I’ve had and been quite inspired by the courage of others. I started a support group under a different name a while back and feel proud there is a little corner on MN where a few of us have come together to have somewhere to be ourselves and share/ encourage each other. I might be naive I think there are (surely must be) more genuine MNetters than not.

Was the advice she gave sensible? Or was it things like 'never clean your house, do reckless things, make sure you're always on the brink of poverty'.

If the latter I can see what you mean, but if it was sensible then it's still good advice. Just because the person themselves isn't able to take it.

Lots of people can give good advice but still make mistakes in their own lives.

I often wonder this. Would you take advice from this person in real life?

but then maybe that’s the beauty of it- good advice can come from unusual sources!

Ha, I am one of those who can post around 1am, am a night owl and trouble sleeping too! But am not a bot... but then is that something a bot would say?!

But I don't understand lying on a forum. It's not like anyone is being made to reply or share their lives or views. It's strange behaviour.

Tbh I think 90% of the time mumsnet is appalling for advice and I don’t think it’s out of line to say that it has a reputation for being so too. There isn’t a culture of challenging or policing advice to ensure it has any quality so you end up reading what some random (usuallly wound up and emotional) person thinks

I'm sure some people post total lies intentionally for some sort of entertainment. A lot of others though I'm sure don't really consider themselves to be lying really-either because they think what they are saying is just an insignificant exaggeration to make their point or because they actually believe what they are saying. For example 'Lawyer here! [followed by terrible advice] is probably someone who once worked with lawyers/has a friend who's a lawyer/spoke to a lawyer about what they think is a similar problem. I suspect most of the braggy posts are from people who actually believe what they are saying. I know a woman in real life who frequently complains/humblebrags about the problems she faces as a woman in her 40s who looks far younger (being asked for ID buying wine, assumed to be her DC older sister by teachers at their new school, 'flirted with' by very young waiters etc). I wouldn't say she looks younger than her age and she definitely doesn't look like a teenager so I can only assume she misinterprets what's happening (eg 'being ID'd buying wine= staff having to approve alcohol sale).

It does annoy me though when a poster has clearly changed some small details to make the post less outing and another poster jumps on this to try to 'prove' that the whole post (which seems otherwise fairly mundane and plausible) is a lie.

The ones that I struggle with are the ones that have a set view about something and seem unable to even look at their view objectively even when you give them facts and figures. I don’t know why but I always wish I could sit down with them and have a conversation. If people are fibbing (beyond trying not to out themselves) then they must have some really issues which is kind of sad.

Sometimes they're the best people to take advice from, they know what not to do! They know what happened in their lives and what keeps them in their circumstances so they can advise you from that perspective. Also I'd take advice from anyone, I don't have to follow it, but it's nice people care enough to give it.

I do think MN has a lot of fantasists on here though. Lots of size 6, high earning, senior professionals with perfect children who have no idea how to make a healthy breakfast, make their enormous salaries cover their bills, don't know how to deal with a colleague or struggle to figure out if they're allowed to put the Christmas tree up yet without MN intervention.

Weeelll, at least I have got entegritty integrittie honestly, in bigly amounts.
I don't tell porkies. (Only piggies)

I know £100k seems ludicrously high but I can kind of understand that some peoole might feel it doesn't go far enough ,I say this as carer to a disabled child ,and as a family we survive on my dh,low income e and a mixture of benefits
It all depends on outgoing ,s if you live in a very expensive part of the UK ie London or the southeast £100k with a large mortgage
Isn't going to stretch as far as if you live in a much cheaper part of the country with a small or no mortgage.

I agree but I’d say generally I’m more likely to think something is fake when it’s written by someone who purports to have circumstances similar to mine rather than completely different as I’ve got a better frame of reference. Often it’s little things like the terminology or minor details rather than the whole thing sounding completely implausible. - A bit how like doctors watch Holby City and go “that would literally never happen”

@IvePiercedMyFootOnASpike not at all, its gorgeous!

It's more where they seem quite ridiculous - for example listing out all the expensive presents, almost to goad others less fortunate. Or when they say they cant walk down the street without being told how young they look or how many men stopping them for a date. It just sounds really implausible and i wonder what the poster is getting from this. Im sure there are many here on decent incomes etc but im specifically thinking those who say they are on say £200K but dont seem to be able to string a sentence together, so its obvious they are lying. But why lie!

To be fair though, my middle DD is a chartered accountant who earns squillions, but to read her text messages and emails to me you'd think she was nearly completely illiterate.

I agree with you op.
The bulling aswell is awful.
I've been reading mumsnet for years but only signed up a few days ago.
I made a thread yesterday and before the 5 comment I got bullied.
I asked to have the thread delete, MN did kindly do for me.

It's been like that since chatrooms and forums began.

The hotel bedroom was a cracker! 😀

Oh, I remember that! I got second hand embarrassment from that! She later tried to pretend she'd used it as an example or something I think.

I just treat it all as light entertainment. Come on here when I have spare time to have a laugh at some nonsense, occasionally wind up a particularly annoying or bigoted poster, pass some time. I honestly don’t care if someone lies or exaggerates, I don’t treat any of it as truth.

Ive been on MN for almost 20 years off and on. And at first I did find it very useful and supportive when DC was little and I had new Mum worries. Posters were genuinely helpful and often naturally hilarious, you got to “know” people.

But it’s got so big and ridiculous now, I would never come here for support or advice, I just treat it like any other talking forum to see the madness of our fellow humans. Whether they wash a towel after every use or only change their sheets every 6 months, it’s just entertainment now for me.

I do agree with this. Lots of the 'lying' on here isn't huge, grandiose stuff either. Lots of random lies that you just have to roll your eyes at and move on.

Eg ages ago someone posted on a thread about the cost of weekly shopping that she spent something daft like fifty quid a week for a family of 5 and she had no idea how people could possibly spend more and they must be snacking all the time etc, someone asked for her receipt and meal plan which she shared but didn't match eg salmon for dinner one night but no salmon in the receipt. Turns out 50 quid was the supermarket shop, she bought cleaning products in in a different shop, cat litter and shampoo from Amazon, fish from the fish mongers, meat from the butcher, fruit and veg was sent to her weekly, milk from the milkman, ate lunch at pret, husband at his work canteen, kids had school lunches etc etc.

Model scouts need to start hanging round MN threads, so many STUNNING beauties reside here. Women sooooo desirable that they can't even put the bins out without some smitten fool rushing up to ask them out. Sainsbury's checkouts are packed with mesmerised suitors declaring their undying love. Strangers cross the road to tell them how gorgeous they are every time they step outside.

Must be exhausting!

I’ve always assumed people on here to be genuine but I see an awful lot of posts from people who stand in their kitchen looking out across rolling fields and who hear no other sound than birdsong. Fabulous, but I don’t know anyone in real life who lives in this bliss. Honestly, loads of posts

Yes, about 99% of the time.

A very rich person I knew used to say that free advice is worth what you pay for it.