How wild you handle this for a child friend’s dinner?

[boltj]

I know that in Sweden and other Scandinavian countries, it’s common for children who visit their friend’s house to be left out at family meal times ie if your friend comes over and it’s dinner time, the parents expect the friend to stay in another room or go to your bedroom while the family eats.

Is this common in your British household too? If your child brought a friend around, would you be willing to offer them a meal (even if it wasn’t a pre-arranged visit in which you’d expected to serve them a meal), or would you tell the friend to wait in another room?

@MumoftwoGirls11 my best friend is British Asian, you can't go to her mums without being fed. I even end up going home with food parcels 😂
My mums Irish and she's the same too! You end up eating at hers even if you are not hungry 🙈

I feed anyone. Workmen sorting the pavement outside, neighbours, even a police officer once (long story!)

I’d offer them food - can’t banish a child!

Would always offer a meal to any visitors that are around at a meal time. Would seem inhospitable not to.
Even if it means sharing it out so that each person gets a little less than originally intended - not a problem!

If it was prearranged I'd assume they'd want dinner and would arrange for them to go home after we'd eaten. Now dd is older I always offer if she has friends around when I start cooking but they usually decline as it's a spur of the moment visit so their parents have food in for them already. I'd never expect a child to sit separately while we eat and organise timings so it's after they've headed off.

Since this theory has been debunked by several Scandinavian posters in the thread I’d be interested to hear where @boltjgot their info.

This used to happen in the UK when I was growing up!

I doubt it happens in Sweden now either- I certainly can’t imagine my Swedish DIL doing that- she’s extremely hospitable.

I lived on another continent when my children were small. My 3yo had a few sessions at a playgroup run by American missionaries. One day I was an hour late picking him up , delayed by a storm. No mobiles. I found him standing in the room where they were eating, watching them blankly.
He didn’t go there again. Bastards.

This. You either feed them or arrange for them to go home before you eat.

When they're invited make it clear whether a meal would be included. I can remember as a child in the early 60s I was invited for 'tea', this turned out to be just biscuits as they had their 'dinner' when the Dad came home from work. To my Mum 'tea' was a cooked meal so make sure you are speaking the same language.

I remember when I was younger, I was good friends with two girls who were siblings, I remember sitting in their living room with them whilst they all had dinner, the mother didn’t offer me any or ask me to leave. My mum would always offer whoever was there, even if it meant giving up her own dinner.

Ive heard this about Scandinavians, even read whole articles about it. However, I happen to know about 5-7 Swedish people (some through one of the others), and they all deny this is a reality for them. Most are white, 2 are black (Somali). They all said (I know them separately) that maybe it is a thing among the upper echelons but not in their working class experiences.

I would never in a million years send a visiting child to another room while we ate. I'd probably feed them or if it's a neighbour who has come round to play so I'd send them home at dinner time

We were always feeding the friends of the kids - not always (often) planned so it might have to be padded out a bit. We'd ask if they were staying for tea, some of them didn't like what we'd be eating - often curries or things - and so would have chicken nuggets and chips from the freezer. Also endless mornings of making pancakes for breakfast at the weekend. .

Or they'd pop off home for tea. Or if they'd already eaten they'd say so....

I'd never have left them in the room and not fed them and find it odd that that would be usual in any culture.

DH's eldest is in his 30s and lives with his mum now and she'll still sometimes feed his friends...

Really - where did you grow up and how did that happen?

I get sending a kid home round the corner so they can eat their tea but not leaving them in a room on their own while the family ate....

I have friends in Sweden and have been told that this is a myth. They feed their kids’ friends like everyone else.

Always offer food.

I might also say “is your Mum expecting you back home for your dinner?” as a hint that they could leave!