How wild you handle this for a child friend’s dinner?

[boltj]

I know that in Sweden and other Scandinavian countries, it’s common for children who visit their friend’s house to be left out at family meal times ie if your friend comes over and it’s dinner time, the parents expect the friend to stay in another room or go to your bedroom while the family eats.

Is this common in your British household too? If your child brought a friend around, would you be willing to offer them a meal (even if it wasn’t a pre-arranged visit in which you’d expected to serve them a meal), or would you tell the friend to wait in another room?

Sending a guest to another room while you eat is appallingly rude in all the cultures I've ever encountered.

Same here.

If it was a child invited over then I'd feed them.

If it was just a neighbour kid who had knocked to play with no arrangement I'd send them home for their tea as their mum would presumably be expecting them?

Always offer. I couldn’t not. How rude!

You feed them or arrange for them to leave before the meal time

I'm Swedish and visitors are always invited to have dinner with the family.

Are you completely sure this is true of Sweden? Have you lived there for a considerable time or are you Swedish? Often things reportedly "completely normal in country X" aren't, but are just idiosyncrasies of a few individuals which were misunderstood by someone to be national norms...

I live outside the UK and for young children it's common to have drop-off play dates without a meal - the norm though is that the child actually goes home for lunch (preschool and primary school finish at lunch time in the traditional model and a parent is at home from lunchtime) and is delivered to the playdate after lunch and collected before dinner. This was still the standard when my older children were little. By the time my youngest was doing playdates more mothers worked and the model morphed to children picked up by hosting parent straight from lunch club after school/ preschool having eaten there, picked up by parents from playdate before the evening meal.

So no meal eaten with very young visitors but because they didn't come to play over the mealtime until sleepover age.

Teens stay for days at a time and are fed by host teens at breakfast and lunch at weekends/ school holidays and join the family meal in the evening unless they have an exemption to eat pizza with the host child whilst watching a film (young teenagers) or are going out (older teens).

Eating whilst a visitor doesn't eat would be rude or at least thoughtless (and even cruel if the child had no options to buy or bring their own food) in most countries I think.

Always.
Edited to add I feed anyone here over a mealtime. If I'd planned something that wouldn't stretch I'd have that for another meal and make something different.
DH had a friend here working on something for a hobby they attend last week. I did essentially a large cooked breakfast for lunch for them both and DH had what I'd been planning for dinner. I'm a chef by trade and medically retired so have time to do this. I also bake most weeks.
I understand for others it maybe not so easy.

I would offer food. If I didn't want to offer food for some reason, I would delay the meal until they had left. It seems mean to me not to feed someone at a meal time.

I totally agree sending drop in neighbour children home is normal, of course! Totally different to a child specifically invited over during a meal time being sent out of the room without being offered food during the meal! The first is normal, the second is rude or cruel.

My youngest used to have a friend who would come over after the sport activity they did on a Saturday morning and stay for lunch and until late afternoon, but never eat anything though... Even though I tried serving the same lunches my child was served at the friend's house... That wasn't for lack of trying to feed him though! I always told the parents and they were fine with him not having eaten.

I'm not sure it is a culture though?

When I was growing up it was a thing here in the UK (60-70s). People couldn't afford to feed extra unexpected (and often uninvited) friends so if food was short, children were often sent home, or into another room while the family ate. These days, I agree it is unheard of and inviting a child for a play date is expected to include a meal.

Growing up in the uk in the eighties it was normal (in my village ) not to feed other kids they would be sent home or left to play while the family ate.

I would send kids home or check with parents before offering food.
But for a prearranged play date I would feed kids.

I was taught as a child that I should leave if the family was about to eat - so I did - and friends weren't ever really invited to tea. As an adult, I feed everyone who is there at mealtimes. Being hospitable is part of my identity!

I am Swedish and grew up in Sweden.
I was always invited to eat with the families of my friends.
And I always happily accepted the invitation.
My friends were always invited to eat with my family.
And they all happily accepted the invitation.

I know that in Sweden and other Scandinavian countries, it’s common for children who visit their friend’s house to be left out at family meal times ie if your friend comes over and it’s dinner time, the parents expect the friend to stay in another room or go to your bedroom while the family eats

You know? Really? What’s the source of this information?

I have met lots of Scandinavians during my very long life, and they have invariably been polite, welcoming and hospitable. So I’m a bit very doubtful…

Shocked at the Scandi scenario.

British asian yes to above. I had one friend whose mum would never offer anything and would rant if my mum rang to say was running late to collect me etc and wouldn’t offer even a morsel from their dinner. It would make me feel awful.

My kids were always bringing random friends home and they would always be offered a dinner! I can’t imagine being so rude as to send someone to another room or home because i didn’t want to give them a meal!

I am Swedish, and I just don't know where this myth originated!
As far as I know, it is absolutely not true!

I always ate with the families of my friends when I was a child, and vice versa.
I grew up in the 90's.

I've lived in Sweden for 20 years and have never come across this. My kids were/are always fed at friends houses. I've heard about the not feeding them culture before, but I've no idea where it comes from.

That’s mean. Anyone that is round is offered at least a drink and if staying more than half hour food I’m quite often cooking extra for visitors

my ex (Middle Eastern) was shocked when we went round to a friends, we arrived just as they were having dinner and waited in the living room. He was shocked we were not invited to eat and told this to a number of friends/family (some told him shocking stories 😆)

in my family food would be shared

Not a thing. My extended family are all Scandinavian and this is not normal.

DD visited Sweden on a student exchange ski trip earlier this year. Her host family were wonderful, and very generous.

I'm sure I've heard this said about the Dutch rather than Sweden

I’m British and definitely remember this happening as a kid. Generally you were invited for tea, but if you just went round to play you wouldn’t be fed as your tea would be ready when you got home. Normally you’d just leave at tea time, but I’m sure I can remember playing while my friends ate and eating while my friends played.