How wild you handle this for a child friend’s dinner?

[boltj]

I know that in Sweden and other Scandinavian countries, it’s common for children who visit their friend’s house to be left out at family meal times ie if your friend comes over and it’s dinner time, the parents expect the friend to stay in another room or go to your bedroom while the family eats.

Is this common in your British household too? If your child brought a friend around, would you be willing to offer them a meal (even if it wasn’t a pre-arranged visit in which you’d expected to serve them a meal), or would you tell the friend to wait in another room?

Yeah, always offer food. It would be exceptionally rude to banish a visiting child at tea time.

I would always feed anyone who was in my house at a meal time. I'd consider it rude to send the friend to wait in another room.

I'd offer them food

Yes absolutely I would feed a child who was at my house at a meal time

British Asian here.

Everyone in the house gets invited for the meal, and guests, even friends of DC at any age are offered snacks anytime they are around. We are very food oriented.

Either I’d tell the child to go home as we’re having our dinner or I’d call the child’s parent and invite them to dinner.

In no circumstances would we eat dinner and leave a visiting guest of any age out.

Never knew this was a thing!

I would absolutely offer them food.

That would be a really rude thing to do here, I’d offer them food or if it wasn’t pre-arranged and I didn’t have enough have a quiet word with my dc and suggest it might be time for their friend to go home!!

Blimey! (British slang expression of shock/surprise.)

No way would I make a visiting child go to a different room while we ate! They would be fed too.

Agreed.

I'm not sure I'd want my child associating with anyone who thought it acceptable to make them sit out whilst they ate a meal. If they've been invited over then they either stay to eat or go home before the meal is served.

I often send a kid home just before we eat if dh is home because it's the only time of the day we're all together as a family and I love it just being us. But I would arrange in advance with the parent that the visitor would need to go home at x time.

But if that didnt work for the friend, if their parents was out and they couldn't go home, then they would absolutely join us.

Or if dh wasnt home and the kids were just eating fish fingers then I would happily include them.

I could never leave anyone out or make them sit in another room while we ate together. That is rude and weird.

I would definitely feed them. In fact, I'd have had a pre-emptive conversation with one of their parents to make sure the food would be something they would like.

If it was an unplanned visit then I'd confirm with the parents whether they were expected home for tea or if they could eat with us. I would never leave a child out of a meal, or even snack.

This is news to Swedish Husband who would grew up that it was always offered (both in his house and the houses of friends) if not always accepted.

When I grew up in the 1960's it was almost always expected that a playmate would leave to go home when your dinner was on the table. You wouldn't need telling really, it was just understood. My son was born in the 1970's and things were still pretty much the same then. The playmate would go home, usually for their own dinner, and come back afterwards. I'm talking about the main meal of the day, not a sandwich or packet of crisps. Obviously I don't have young kids now, but if I did I would certainly phone the parents and ask if it was alright to feed little Johnny. What if his mum had already cooked or had other plans?

I’d be quite happy for my child to respect the culture of the family home they are in. If they were happy to sit it out. If they didn’t want to sit on their own for half an hour or hadn’t eaten before going over then fairplay.

Sorry didn’t actually answer your question. In my house unexpected guests get a serving of the dinner - everyone loses a bit or if available, the kids have something else. No one doesn’t eat.

I think it depends on the family - I have 5 kids and they often had friends round, I just fed whoever was there at mealtimes, often 7 or 8 kids! But some people do send the visitors home when they have their tea if it's not pre-arranged.

I’d always feed the visiting child - these days I think it would be very rude not to.

In the U.K. in the past, I think this was quite class based. When I was a child in the 80s and 90s, middle class families whose children didn’t “play out” would invite a child guest round after school very explicitly to stay for tea; equally, at the weekend a visit would be assumed to include food. It would also be common for a child to be dropped off and picked up by car if more than a very short distance away (and often dropped back home by the family who were hosting).

It was much more common in working class areas for children to “play out”, and/or often to pop in and out of friends’ houses without a formal invitation. In that case the visiting child would often be sent home before teatime, or might not eat with the family (but it was pretty rare to be told to wait in another room, though I do remember this happening at least once or twice). Especially if the family didn’t necessarily have loads of food in.

Nowadays I think that that culture of kids playing out and dropping in and out of each others’ houses, often without being explicitly invited, is almost extinct (for all sorts of reasons). So it’s much more likely that today the visiting child would be included by default.

White British if that's relevant.
When in primary I would text the parent and say I'll drop them home after tea at x time, so I was clear I'd be feeding them. I was always happy to follow dietary restrictions as well although in infants a couple sent the child with a pack up (one child with Arfid, and ond of several Muslims kids that came over)
I always offer to feed them now they are secondary and less formally invited. My eldest tends to end up at other people's houses on the spur of the moment and knows to get the bus home at 5 as a general rule. That suits her though. In the school holidays her and her friends tend to end up walking to the corner shop to buy oven pizza.

If my experience of being a kid with lots of British Asian friends is anything to go by it's the polar opposite of the Scandi situation.
Stay for dinner
You're only staying ten minutes? I'll make something small
No it's no trouble it's just a snack (gives you a massive plate)
Ooh so you like barfi? Take a huge lunchbox home for your siblings 😂💕

I'd definitely offer them food. Seems very odd to me to banish a child to another room. Do Scandinavian parents send their child with a packed meal to eat instead?

You've just unlocked a long forgotten memory of my aunt feeding my two cousins and I had to sit in the lounge whilst they ate 🤣. I only lived two streets away, so I'm not sure what was going on there! So much for Irish hospitality!

This is what I would do.

A meal made meal with not enough for a surprise visitor who just turns up “go home welcome back ag X time”.

Child turns up and food available contact parent and offer them to stay.

I always checked before feeding other kids because some families are later and were expecting child home for a family meal in an hour!

I had 4 siblings and I have to say if we had friends over they would normally go home at dinner time. My mother had enough to do to get dinner on the table for 7 people! It's just the way things were and it was the same for all our friends - all large families. Friends were always welcome to ice creams, sweets or fruit or biscuits but a full dinner generally not.

Of course you wouldn't get them to wait in another room!

Yes you would offer food if the family are eating!