I pay for coffee, who gets the loyalty stamp?

[verybighouseinthecountry]

Sorry for very pathetic question, but I'm doubting myself and just want to know if I'm out of touch and potentially committing a faux pas here.
I have an older friend (60+) who is very likely on the spectrum and does some "off" things that doesn't really bother me as I'm used to her. One of them is when I buy us a coffee, she'll insist on getting 'her' loyalty stamp. (She will always say she'll get us coffee next time but rarely does). I thought this is just her being socially unaware, I would never dream of asking for 'perks' that someone else paid for. All fine. But recently I took someone else out for coffee, I ordered and she sat down, but then ran over to the till when I was getting the loyalty stamp and said "did you get both stamps?!" as if I was a complete CF. Please tell me if stamps are individual, or is the usual etiquette the one who pays gets the stamps?
I'm very aware in the grand scheme of things this isn't a big issue, but I've been robbed of so many stamps if the done thing is to 'split' the stamps I need to know!

If you pay, you get the stamps!

I need to know, is it an independent shop or a chain? If a chain ie Costa/Nero then just get the app where you can pay and get the stamps automatically then they can’t argue about it.
Please don’t be a walkover, I am, and I don’t like myself for it, it’s easier to tell other people to be stronger! 😁

I have the same talent for attracting CF friends - but in this case I’d encourage you to stand your ground. The stamps are very clearly explained on mpst websites: for every coffee you BUY you get a stamp. They are a loyalty perk for you as the purchaser. Effectively you are paying a premium each time in order to earn your ‘free’ coffee after every ten purchases as the cafe will have factored this into the prices. It’s entirely up to you how you cash it in, of course, and it may be that you’ll use it to cover/offer a friend a coffee - but if you pay, it’s your stamp.

It's funny because we (friend 1 and I) to a garden centre where we both have a loyalty card that gets you 2 free drinks a month. In theory, we take it turn about. The last time it was her turn, we got up to the till and when I stood back (thinking she'd understand it's her turn) she started disputing it, asking for the date we last came as she was sure she'd used hers last time. There was a whole queue of people watching us, her saying "it was the third Sunday of September....what was the date then....I'm sure that's when we last came...." So I just swipedy card instead. I never learn!

It's Nero and I like the stamp card 😳. I probably will just download the app once my card is full.

Yes I should stand my ground and deflect the CF behaviour back to them. "Hey, are you trying to get a stamp that I've paid for?!" loudly might do the trick.
If this is universal, how the hell did I attract not one, but two people that think this is the done thing? I'm wondering if anyone reading this that is a stamp stealer is thinking we are all being unreasonable? If you are, please enter, without judgement and explain your rationale and I'll most likely end up paying for your coffee too.

Yes, person who pays gets the stamp. Apart from anything else its probably a faff for the poor staff member to stamp 2 different cards. I'm not even sure if it's possible for electronic cards like the m&s cafe scheme, I thought you could only scan your loyalty card once per purchase?

But more relevant than that, OP is that you definitelt need better friends!

Surely even if they are broke they should be grateful they got one completely free drink off you, not be sulking because they didn't also scam an additional 1/10th of their next freebie as well!

I don't think it much matters if you have the odd friend where the drinker takes the stamp. With non CFers this would be fine - whatever, it would all even out. The main problem is that they don't stand their rounds. The stamps are the icing on top of their CFery.

If you pay for a coffee you get the stamp but if somebody buys a book on your behalf (not a present, using your money) they should offer you the loyalty points and not hang on (friend has £70 of credit on their account...)

the person paying I suppose. I'd only give someone else the stamps if I forgot my own card.

Yikes that’s really odd. But I also can’t imagine being so bothered by stamps I’d not let my skint friend have them.

I wouldn't mind either, it was her adamance (if that is a word?) that I was being unreasonable by accepting both stamps. And she's skint because she's very bad with money,she'll pay £80 to get her hair done then remember she hasn't got any food in the house to feed her kids and need to borrow money which she will try never to mention again. To be honest she's a fellow school mum, we aren't good friends as such.

Person who pays gets stamps. In most friendships you take it in turns to pay so you end up getting an equal amount of stamps overall.

How would that work? I buy a book on my Waterstones online account, on your behalf as you don't have one. Book costs £14.99, I have loyalty points worth £2.65. Are you saying I should use my £2.65 to make the book cheaper for you?

You’re being taken for a fool by friend 1. She doesn’t “lack social awareness” I bet she knows exactly what she’s doing!! And you’re letting her.

I do think she lacks awareness in general, but there is also an element of feeling loved/recognized when people "treat" her to things. She buys me presents randomly so not a total piss taker.

@verybighouseinthecountry

re being a CF magnet and trying to reform

ome way is to accept that not everyone will be as keen as you are to pay their way. People who say ‘I’ll get them next time’ sometimes you need to set them a test by making sure you are not first in the queue for the ordering point.

observe what they do when it’s obviously their turn. Then decide whether you watcher company badly enough to just pay each time.

good luck. It does get easier

My kids used to argue over the Costa ones when my google wallet was on both their phones..... both arguing over who was collecting MY points, took a while to make them understand.

I got them their own google accounts when 1 got them and their mates 4 free costa frappes..... and the other spent all my super drug points (over £30...) the then 11yr old thought it was great because she got all this free stuff instead of using her birthday money. 🙄🤐🤣

Good grief. I wish this was all I had to worry about in life stealing someone else stamps. of course perosn paying gets the stamps.

Ask them to buy their own coffee.
I have a ND friend doing this all the time. I stopped paying for having coffee.
To much fuzz.
Yes, I earn a bit more than my friend (mostly because she doesn't want to work but keep studying) but not enough to discuss things like this and she doesn't pay and we don't go for a coffee anylonger.

I'm sure OP wishes it was all she had to worry about too.

I can’t that believe after she refused to buy for you both, you slipped back into paying. That was perfect opportunity to each pay for your own going forward.

This is about more than the stamps (which as everyone has said should be yours), this is about people taking advantage of you.

Typically it should be the person that’s paying, but on occasion I’ve forgotten a loyalty card or find myself logged out of an app I’ve asked friend for hers so someone gets the points that increase the price of the coffee in the first place.

I couldn't enjoy the company of someone like this tbh. I loathe this petty level behaviour to get something for free. Fact she is a CF on top, would not endear me to want to spend even the duration of a cup of coffee with her.

But to answer, the person who pays gets the loyalty stamps. But the CFers know this.

The other option is saying “you’ll get both stamps when you pay for the next drinks”