Thoughts on working parents caring whilst wfh

[Tiggermad]

What are your thoughts on staff members caring for their toddlers/children whilst wfh.
I have a number in my team and I have noticed one of them in particular outputs drop considerably on wfh days.
There have been a few occasions where I’ve held meetings and they’ve had said toddlers sitting on their laps and it’s been hard to hold a decent conversation.
Unfortunately where I work there is no policy in place to prevent this.
I have raised performance issues with the one main one and she shouted at me that I didn’t understand how hard it is caring for a toddler whilst wfh !
I intend to start performance management if this continues however interested to see if any Managers experience similar.

It’s far far from ideal, particularly when it’s babies, toddlers and young children. But honestly, give parents a break. They’re trying to balance a million plates in this absolutely insane and expensive world we live in. There is absolutely no wonder some people cut corners. Not everyone has children who can fit into nursery or school daily, not everyone can afford clubs and not everyone has grandparents and a whole family support crew on their doorstep. Being a parent is brutal, especially the early years, and there is little slack. And before anyone comes at me with ‘choice’, please remember that without children and parents we’ll have no economy left in 50 years so yes it is a choice but it’s also an absolutely essential foundation of society.

All said though. I don’t agree with people who have children home every day when they’re suppose to be working - that is taking the piss. I’m talking about a couple of days in school hols, when they’re sick, after school etc.

Not acceptable especially given that it’s having an impact on their work. Sadly the more people take the piss the quicker companies will start mandating a full time return and that will screw up lots of working parents.

Also, take a look at the contract as if there isn’t a specific specification to work from home, you could ask them to return to the office.

Yes, also public sector and its nor allowed where I work either.

To echo PPs, people doing this makes it harder for everyone working from home.

Hi, I'm in HR. It's completely unacceptable. You need to stamp it out

The 'theres no policy against it' argument is raised by employees about all sorts of things. It's laughable. They know they're trying it on. Dismiss that immediately with:

1. There's no policy against bringing toddlers into the office but no-one expects to do that.
2. Policies tell you what you can do or should do. Any policy that tried to list the thousands of potential things you can't do would be 2000 pages long. The policies don't say you can't work naked while singing the National Anthem and waving a dead ferret at the camera either - do they think that's allowed?

People like this ruins WFH for the rest. The fact they tell you it’s difficult to manage a toddler whilst working says it all really!

Shouldn't make any difference if it’s private or public sector. Profit for one but spending public funds for another.

You cannot work from home at all with younger child or children. It’s not fair on the workplace or the child. There’s also a safety issue is it’s a young child. Having said that, if the work can be done anytime then it would be possible (with agreement of the manager) to agree it is acceptable if the person can do some work during the day and catch up during the evening and weekends. It totally depends on the work and the workplace etc. It should be agreed though.

It’s different if a child is ill and there’s no childcare options available, but it depends on the illness and age of the child. If it’s a young child or a child that’s feeling really ill and needs supervision then you cannot expect to get the same amount of work done. Some workplaces might be flexible, or have paid or unpaid family leave for this. Again it should be agreed ideally in advance by having a policy.

It’s different in secondary school as most kids can occupy themselves most of the day on school holidays. So you cannot work from home effectively. I know I can.

I cannot believe all of the posters saying that school pick up is ok. That’s likely going to be 30 minute out of the day every day. I would never have done that and don’t think that’s acceptable either. I might have done that but I would have worked the time back afterwards. I’ve had to pick up a sick child from school early but I log the time I leave and log the time I return, and make sure I do my hours!

My workplace doesn’t have a policy either. Because it goes without saying that this is time theft. It’s like suggesting you have to write a policy that says “during working hours you will work”.

I had a direct report do the same, including answering Teams calls while holding a toddler.

I had to face into it in an “informal” call, taking along examples of how they were missing targets/missing meetings etc. which I wrote up afterwards and sent to them.

Incredibly, they initially denied it was an issue. I had to point out that they had been on Teams with their child! Then said it wasn’t their preference to use nursery, that it would have a financial implication (no kidding!!! How did they think the rest of us did it!?!).

Agreed 5 weeks for them to resolve it, missed deadline. Thankfully resigned before the investigation call. (Resigned to take up another full time wfh role).

What I had been doing, which would have assisted in the investigation meeting, was sending contemporaneous notes to our HR partner. So just a note saying “file note. X has not attended today’s meeting with no apologies given”. Or “file note. Client Y advised that during last call with X, their child was present throughout”.

It really helped me to be more factual and not struggle with thoughts of “am I making this into something bigger? Am I over reacting?”

I’ve never understood how anyone can do this. There’s no way I could do my job properly and also care for a toddler. they’re too little to even be distracted by a screen for long. And they’re too young to understand when they need to wait for something. An older child i could kind of understand but I still couldn’t do it, if my child needed me and I was in a meeting where the team also needed me (happens every day) I would be totally stuck (and would do a bad job both ways around)

Ive done it in an emergency but it’s very much “I’ve had to bring my sick toddler home from nursery so I’m on the call but probably distracted and can’t talk much, hoping that I can get the gist by being here, sorry for the inconvenience” and I’ve told my manager as soon as the sickness call came in

"I have raised performance issues with the one main one and she shouted at me that I didn’t understand how hard it is caring for a toddler whilst wfh !"

It shouldn't be happening end of. Maybe I'd overlook it once, but it should NEVER happen. If you are working and looking after a toddler then you aren't doing either properly. She's either on leave because of a breakdown in childcare, or there is another adult with the toddler.

I have made it quite clear to my team I will not tolerate this. Thankfully, the one with 2 children under 4 is good and either takes the day off or asks her mum to come and help out.

My manager, on the other hand has never used a nursery for his child and I’ve had to put up with 4 years of him being hardly available, ‘travelling up north’ half the week - I suspect he’s at home child caring. Now said child is in school he arrives at the office at 9.30 and leaves at 2.30. His wife works from home part time and he’s always WFH or ‘travelling’ the days she’s at home. He must think I was born yesterday. He has lost all respect from his staff as he’s just disengaged from work - he’s never there. He gets away with it as his manager is fully remote. Makes me so annoyed.

Think it’s been said earlier on but a lot of workplaces don’t have a policy either and that’s because it shouldn’t have to be said.
I have quite strong feelings after like so many others did, trying to do the impossible in the pandemic. So many colleagues just have tried to keep the same arrangements and don’t pay for childcare. I’m well aware it can be really difficult to get a nursery or childminding place but it’s really not safe for a child.
Id raise it on the grounds of capacity and professionalism.

My former workplace brought in wfh during Covid and retained hybrid afterwards. It was taken away from all of our office because one colleague was doing childcare. Like no one cares if you nip out to the shop for ten mins or have the laundry on or prep dinner, which is the joy of wfh, but taking the absolute piss isn’t on and it wrecked it for everyone. I have a very dim view.

I don't think it's fair on young children. I do think it's different with older children though. I also think some flexibility is absolutely fine and my employer is incredible on that front. I absolutely can do the school pick up, or have an unwell child with me if they're sick or there's a school strike or whatever. If I use that flexibility to be away from my desk for any amount of time I make it up, and that's the case whether I'm wfh or in physically in the office. They don't pretend children and other life responsibilities don't exist.