Why don't people believe you?

[Augustus40]

When I occasionally mention I am much happier single why do people fail to believe me? Coupled up does not have to be the default. I would argue at least a third of couples are simply not happy. Especially the women. Either they are unable to afford to separate or they are too scared to face life alone.
What does anybody else think?
I used to live in London but moved away to a much cheaper area some years ago so I could afford to work part time as I am autistic. Where I live these days there are only a few single people. I guess it is just not the norm here.
I think the fact I am in my early sixties also means I just want a quiet life and enjoy my part time job at home my grown up son and my hobbies. Though I have truly preferred my independence by the time ds was 13. So for some years I have preferred single status.
Look forward to any feedback.

I for one have absolutely no difficulty believing you. I have friends who’ve been single, very happily, for decades. I’m married, also happily, but I’m not so unimaginative that I can’t imagine other ways in which I might also be happy. I have divorced friends who never want another relationship, but have a satisfying set up with a FWB. I have friends who don’t like who they become in relationships. I have friends who would have only exchanged their happy singleness for a better type of man than they ever met.

I think some of it depends on where you live. I lived in a village for eight years where out of the 27 children in DS’s class at the village school, I was one of only two working mothers. As my DH had a ‘big’ job, I was regarded with total puzzlement — why did I ‘have to’ work?

Yes I live in a small town these days. Though the neighbouring cities often think the same.

It’s weird isn’t it? Because most people in couples seem miserable. It’s like we’re robots following some invisible rules that say we must couple up, then people reach that goal and then unhappiness creeps in. But they stay as that is “what we are meant to do” thankfully more and more are seeing the absolute fucking joy of being alone!

Given that just under 50% of marriages end in divorce in the UK you're probably right. Many more percent will be unhappy but won't divorce due to children, finances, housing, fear, DV, disability, illness etc.

I'm single and have to be honest that I'm pretty lonely. However, I'd be just as happy with a couple of loyal friends than a partner.

I've been single for almost 2 years now and when I tell people it's the happiest I've ever been, they seem to think it's something I'm just saying so they don't pity me. I'm genuinely the happiest I have ever been and have no intentions of looking for a relationship.

I believe you. I'm happily married and have been for a long time (which comes with it's own set of people who refuse to believe it's possible), but I know if I wasn't with DH I've be very happy to be single. I love my own company, and mostly prefer being alone.

My dad has been single since my parents divorced 30 years ago and he's very happy on his own. Much happier than when my parents were together.

Plenty of my female ware single and not looking. Given the state of the dating pool that’s a healthy choice. They’re brilliant women with full lives that don’t need them destroying by a man behaving like a child.
I’m single and happy although I would like someone to share my life with. If that doesn’t happen there’s not a lot I’m missing out on so I definitely wouldn’t judge a strong woman who decided that being single is right for her.

Heartening replies thank you. I am not a weirdo after all then!

I'm happily married and would probably be lonely if I lived alone.

But, having said that, I think that if I became single at this point then I might well seek out a living situation with friends/relatives, rather than looking for another partner. Having a partner is actually a pretty high stakes/high risk way of not living alone, especially as people get older and more set in their ways.

Oh don’t exaggerate! 😆

loads of people not believing you!

how do you know anyway? Do they say that they don’t believe you?

I have been single 8 years and I’m in my forties

I have never got the whiff of anyone not believing me when I say I’m perfectly happy being single

not that I have the need to broadcast it

They act surprised and then start debating it.

Who is “they”?

The thing is, I think deep inside most of them believe you and dream of similar but they want to put across that being in a relationship is preferable, because that is their life.

I believe you! I personally like being a couple and if my DH died I would probably eventually start looking for a partner. But I recognise that we are all different and some people love being single.

The people who question my preference. The coupled up women I have met over the years.

And this has happened loads of times? These are friends of yours?

I am single and happy and I don’t presume that about couples in the slightest!!

I think maybe it's a defence mechanism of people who are actually not very happy in their relationships.

I'm very happily married, and have absolutely no problem believing that there are lots of people who are happier single.

If I were miserably married I may feel the need to go harder on the defensive to convince people that coupled up is the only way to be. Because you don't want to admit to yourself that the grass is greener. It's easier to live with your choice to stay in an unhappy marriage if you think that unhappily married is still better than single.

To be honest the most together people I have known over the years are those single. Half of whom have been men too.

That said for some women being in a couple really works for them. Their prerogative.

Horses for courses and all that.

Yanbu.

rhere are definitely people who simply cannot comprehend that others can be happier single.

I have always just assumed it’s because they can’t be, and just feel sorry for them that they don’t have the freedom to understand that you can do either.

It’s funny how if I say this to some people, their response is ‘and you never know, whilst you’re not looking, someone might come along.’ !?!?! Like they just dismiss that you e just told them you’re at your happiest single.

Exactly

DS is autistic and is never, ever lonely. He loves being alone. I think it's quite common with autistic people. I hate the idea of being alone, it's too quiet and who would I tell about my day - plus there's nothing better than a cuddle and someone to put your cold feet on.

Not that i can't do anything without DH, we're not joined at the hip or anything. I travel often without him.

I would argue at least a third of couples are simply not happy
They are too scared to face life alone

Unless a third of couples you know have told you this, maybe you could think about why you don’t believe these people are happy? Aren’t you doing the same thing they are ie not believing they’re happy?