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Did I mess this up?

33 replies

Waterhorse46 · 16/11/2025 00:23

I was chatting to a guy that my friend sort of introduced me to. He messaged me. We spoke back and fourth for a while. Had a good chat, seemed nice. She knows him at a distance. Anyway, we spoke on the phone a few weeks ago and he said if it was to be a think I’d have to move for him and he’s not that close. I said yeah fair maybe I’d consider it. Knowing in my gut I probably couldn’t. He asked over the phone if that distance was a major issue and I said ok no it’s not don’t worry we could work round it, my ex bf lived the same distance a long while ago so the motorway journeys were second nature. He asked if I still felt a certain way for him. I said no it’s just we’re adults and I’m 30 ans we all have a history. Doesn’t mean we don’t move on. Anyway, he was hot and cold to me after that. He then suggested a date and didn’t really text me.

my friend bumped into him at an event and she’s seen me get upset over this so she said I went up to him and asked what’s the issue. I said and what did he say. She responded “he said it the distance and he drafted a message to send you to say sorry. You’re lovely but the distance is a problem” now my issue is. Why would you: talk to a woman in the first place when you knew of the distance, discuss future plans, spend ages on the phone, text me and suggest dates?

None of it adds up. If I didn’t like the distance I’d say no to begin with? I think there is something else. Thoughts?

OP posts:
WhattheFudgeareyouonabout · 16/11/2025 00:24

Huh?

Waterhorse46 · 16/11/2025 00:27

Dating scenario. Friend put us in touch with one another. I talked very very quickly with reference to travelling distance in a past relationship. I think it may have messed it all up and that’s why he started acting strange after. Friend who initially introduced us bumped into him at an event. Then suddenly he said it was the distance.

OP posts:
FortunesFool · 16/11/2025 00:30

I think it was probably fun to flirt over message/phone call for a bit but it suddenly hit him that if things were to progress into real life it would mean being long distance and he just didn’t fancy it. I think that’s fair enough. I wouldn’t either. Better it doesn’t get started than have a few months giving it an go and then him end it when you’ve got more attached.

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Waterhorse46 · 16/11/2025 00:36

FortunesFool · 16/11/2025 00:30

I think it was probably fun to flirt over message/phone call for a bit but it suddenly hit him that if things were to progress into real life it would mean being long distance and he just didn’t fancy it. I think that’s fair enough. I wouldn’t either. Better it doesn’t get started than have a few months giving it an go and then him end it when you’ve got more attached.

Which is fine but he really should’ve said that

OP posts:
FortunesFool · 16/11/2025 00:40

Maybe he didn’t really think it through at first. Maybe he didn’t expect it to go anywhere. I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset you.

Waterhorse46 · 16/11/2025 00:43

FortunesFool · 16/11/2025 00:40

Maybe he didn’t really think it through at first. Maybe he didn’t expect it to go anywhere. I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset you.

To sting it along for 2 months though seems a bit unfair.

OP posts:
FortunesFool · 16/11/2025 00:48

Had you met at all in person during this time? It’s hard to do the ‘get to know you’ bit of a relationship when you live a long way away. You can’t just nip to the pub for a couple of hours or go for a walk. Accommodation has to be organised as you don’t want to make any assumptions/feel pressured.

It’s very possible it has absolutely nothing to do with how lovely you are, just maybe someone more local came on the scene and it was just easier.

Waterhorse46 · 16/11/2025 01:06

FortunesFool · 16/11/2025 00:48

Had you met at all in person during this time? It’s hard to do the ‘get to know you’ bit of a relationship when you live a long way away. You can’t just nip to the pub for a couple of hours or go for a walk. Accommodation has to be organised as you don’t want to make any assumptions/feel pressured.

It’s very possible it has absolutely nothing to do with how lovely you are, just maybe someone more local came on the scene and it was just easier.

No but it had a gap and a break between messages so I said. Shall we do something in person. He said yeah sure I’m free this date if you fancy it. So I said fine. Then never heard anything. What annoyed me was the lack of communication. My friend has now obviously drunkenly said to him that was silly and he admitted to drafting an apology message which lived in his drafts. She told him she didn’t need to see it but he’s daft for even speaking to me when the distance was mentioned from day one. I wonder if my comment of my ex annoyed him.

OP posts:
Brightbluesomething · 16/11/2025 13:12

If you’ve not met him, it’s really strange that you’ve become so emotionally attached to him. He wanted a pen pal and didn’t feel any more effort was worthwhile. You don’t know this man. Please leave it and try to move on.

Againforget · 16/11/2025 13:15

This is terrifying

the whiplash speed of all this silliness

Next you’ll be pregnant

SoScarletItWas · 16/11/2025 13:20

There probably is something else and it is the classic: he’s just not that into you. He ignored the distance to start with in the belief that it wouldn’t matter, if the early messaging turned into something more. Maybe he just can’t see it going anywhere so is using the distance as a (gentle) get-out. Maybe he’s met someone closer and is putting his effort into that.

Doesn’t matter really, does it? It never got off the ground. Dust yourself off and move on.

LauderSyme · 16/11/2025 13:20

I think it really was the distance that put him off but then again, no one likes hearing about anyone's exes. Also, if you speak the way you write, perhaps he couldn't deal with all the confusion you create?!

Missj25 · 16/11/2025 13:25

Waterhorse46 · 16/11/2025 01:06

No but it had a gap and a break between messages so I said. Shall we do something in person. He said yeah sure I’m free this date if you fancy it. So I said fine. Then never heard anything. What annoyed me was the lack of communication. My friend has now obviously drunkenly said to him that was silly and he admitted to drafting an apology message which lived in his drafts. She told him she didn’t need to see it but he’s daft for even speaking to me when the distance was mentioned from day one. I wonder if my comment of my ex annoyed him.

I got very good advice on here one time , I took it !.
When you start chatting to someone , meet sooner rather than later .
Obviously there has to be some messages & a few phone calls beforehand, but this thinking you’re building a connection on line is absolute bullshit , it is , cause it’s as fake as fuck !!!
The fact you haven’t still met shows you it will not work out due to distance OP ..

Waterhorse46 · 16/11/2025 14:25

Brightbluesomething · 16/11/2025 13:12

If you’ve not met him, it’s really strange that you’ve become so emotionally attached to him. He wanted a pen pal and didn’t feel any more effort was worthwhile. You don’t know this man. Please leave it and try to move on.

I think it’s more that he dragged it for ages, he should’ve really said. But, my friend has a tendency to be a bit flamboyant/likes a drink. I wonder if he just thought, well she’d be the same. Even though I’m not. Who knows.

OP posts:
Waterhorse46 · 16/11/2025 14:25

SoScarletItWas · 16/11/2025 13:20

There probably is something else and it is the classic: he’s just not that into you. He ignored the distance to start with in the belief that it wouldn’t matter, if the early messaging turned into something more. Maybe he just can’t see it going anywhere so is using the distance as a (gentle) get-out. Maybe he’s met someone closer and is putting his effort into that.

Doesn’t matter really, does it? It never got off the ground. Dust yourself off and move on.

No I suppose it doesn’t but his mum said to my friends mum. Well it won’t work between them so find someone else if you can. Bit rude.

OP posts:
Againforget · 16/11/2025 14:44

How old are you op?

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 16/11/2025 14:59

I’ve had a read of some of your (many) threads OP, and you seem to have real difficulties communicating with others in lots of scenarios. You mention in one being autistic. I really think you should get some support (not from your “medium”) to look at how you react to rejection. (My daughter has rejection sensitivity disorder and I see a lot of similarities with your approach to all sorts of issues.)

PS, 1.5 hours isn’t really long distance. DH and I were 4 hours apart when we met and we were going on holiday together within 3 months of getting together. He’s just not that into you.

SoScarletItWas · 16/11/2025 16:24

Againforget · 16/11/2025 14:44

How old are you op?

She’s 30. It’s in the OP, buried so not immediately obvious though.

Arlanymor · 16/11/2025 16:34

So you've never met? Or have I missed something?

MrsPrendergast · 16/11/2025 16:44

Waterhorse46 · 16/11/2025 14:25

I think it’s more that he dragged it for ages, he should’ve really said. But, my friend has a tendency to be a bit flamboyant/likes a drink. I wonder if he just thought, well she’d be the same. Even though I’m not. Who knows.

No. He's simply not keen, now, so is using the distance as the reason

mondaytosunday · 16/11/2025 16:47

You don’t even know this guy! You’ve just chatted on the phone! You are overthinking this. It may be the distance it may be that he just can’t be bothered. Either way it’s a non starter just let it go.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 16/11/2025 16:50

SoScarletItWas · 16/11/2025 16:24

She’s 30. It’s in the OP, buried so not immediately obvious though.

She was 29 in a post in August, 28 in September and now 30. 🤷🏻‍♀️

JudgeBread · 16/11/2025 16:53

Sounds like he just wasn't feeling it. This is what dating is for, to figure out if a person and their circumstances are right for you. He hardly strung you along, you hadn't even been on a date yet!

StewkeyBlue · 16/11/2025 17:14

OP: it is unlikely that you did anything to mess it up.
It was a flirty convo that didn’t get off the ground.
Unless you subjected him to this level of overthinking.
Which is exhausting.

Goodluckwiththatone · 16/11/2025 18:12

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