A what point does a friend asking what you are doing on weekends, just because their interested in you/your life, overstep the mark to become an intrusion where you can't leave the house without them wanting full details ?

[Lobip]

Im possibly in this situation. Is the friend asking what im doing every weekend (who/what/where) because they are interested as a friend or is it because they feel they NEED to (or should?) know my every move ?

Im finding it totally overbearing tbh

Just say i haven't got a clue yet I haven't really thought about it.

Just say " I'm minding my own business, what are you doing ? ". Then repeat that every time she asks.

Ignore her passive aggressive comments. You don't need to respond to her every comment or her questions, you can shut it down by saying, 'I'm feeling a bit badgered with all these questions, why do you ask so many questions?' she doesn't care about making you feel uncomfortable does she? so turn it back on her.

Can I ask why do you feel compelled to answer her?

Like others of said, if it's over text, just don't reply on the Friday. You've got choices around how much & what you say & how quickly (or not) you reply. You can be deliberately vague & say you don't know or maybe not reply until Sunday & ask her what she did over the weekend. If she's passive/aggressive then don't reply for days/a week. You need to set boundaries with her if it's bothering you.

Is her life/lifestyle similar or very different to yours? Does she aspire to be like you?
What is the rest of your friendship like with her? Do you enjoy her company when you're together or are you struggling a bit with her.

This is completely weird of them.

what’s the situation here, is this say a female friend from school who is a very nosy person? A friend from an activity you don’t know well? Someone who you think might be interested in you?

Why would you continue to engage with them?
They don't sound okay to be honest. But I'd not put up with it because I'm done putting up with nonsense from people at this point.

If you've got a hobby that they don't like, I'd be inclined to say that you are going to do that because it will stop them from asking if they can do something else with you and you know they won't want to do that. But it means that you are not refusing to answer the question.

So for example I'm hoping to go on a 40km bike ride in the morning, then I've got to get the gardening done in the afternoon.

Haven’t you posted about this friend at least once before? I’m not sure I understand why you’ve let this go on so long, why you seem to feel you need to explain yourself to her, or why you allow her to interrogate you about your free time.

What would happen if you just ignored them?

Op keep your details vague. I might go out not sure yet. I have a work girl ringing me every fri night. I put my phone away last night. She rang again today. If she asks something it could wait til monday. People can be nightmares!

Then cut them off, because they're not a friend if they're doing this and they're making you feel negativity.

If it's at work, vague answers, smile and stay silent at the passive aggressive digs, leave the situation when you can.

If it's via text, block or at least totally ignore, claiming not to have got the text if they follow up in person. Don't justify why you don't get any of their texts, just say as far as you're aware the phone is working fine but no you didn't receive their text. Let them think what that want and don't get into conversation about it.

If it's a friend outside work, this friendship has run it's course so fade them out of your life with being too busy too meet, as well as not receiving their texts, make up an excuse to get off the phone after 10-20mins if they call. If they're not getting whatever it is they want out of the situation they'll stop calling.

If they show up at the door either don't answer it or say it's not convenient at the moment, don't let them in.

'I have nothing to hide, you however are incredibly intrusive'
I'd hate this.

I have someone like this. It’s maddening. I just make stuff up now to piss her off

I would laugh and say – oh yes, that’s me, international woman of mystery!

I think this is the point at which it oversteps the mark. Asking is normal chit chat conversation. Asking every Friday, especially in a work situation is pretty normal. Follow up questions are generally just showing an interest.

But pushing when you’re being shut down on a matter that is none of your business is over stepping.

Next time I got a passive aggressive response I would be upfront that my plans are none of their business and I’m tired of the expectation I tell them. But that’s only if I otherwise want to stay friends with them. I might just stop responding/block them altogether. What’s the relationship like overall? Do you have any obligation to stay in touch? Do you want to?

You don’t have to answer. So what if you get passive aggressive comments? Let her get on with it. Just offer the amount of details you want or a vague “not sure yet though really need a quiet one”

Is this a male 'friend' who thinks he has some kind of ownership over you and your whereabouts?

Who's asking you? Can't you ignore them?

She probably comes from one of those families who report all their movements and what they had for their tea to each other and thinks this is normal/ a sign of closeness. MIL was like this until I trained her not to.

It sounds more like a stalker than a friend. Answer nicely and if that's not good enough don't give more information. Just say not much and ask the same question back.

It’s a normal question!

This.

It is strange from a friend though. my mum started it in lockdown, and I went on maternity at that point. She did not help my mental health.

Previously, I was normal, travelling the country and working. Suddenly I was bombarded with
morning
how are you
how are girls
whats for breakfast
where are you going
whats today’s plan
whats for lunch.
so on all day.

she still does it. I reply when I have time. I never mention I’m going out with friends as it would be either passive aggressive “oh maybe I will see you sometime” or can I come.
she lives three miles away, I see her daily.

She is lonely, Dad has dementia. So I manage it.

but from a friend, no.

As a single question, yes. But read all the OP's posts and you will see that it is not that straightforward.

You could always reply with something like "too busy to txt rn, will chat later" or just "can't talk rn" - make out you are actively doing something and then you can say you forgot you had read the message. It's not ideal though as you aren't actually solving the issue, other than hoping they realise you never fully reply. Might put them off anyway.