A what point does a friend asking what you are doing on weekends, just because their interested in you/your life, overstep the mark to become an intrusion where you can't leave the house without them wanting full details ?

[Lobip]

Im possibly in this situation. Is the friend asking what im doing every weekend (who/what/where) because they are interested as a friend or is it because they feel they NEED to (or should?) know my every move ?

Im finding it totally overbearing tbh

Don't seek to change her, seek to modify your response - that is what I'd do. Read the texts and do not respond until it suits you. Live your life and later, gloss over the details.

You get to choose - exercise that right! And if she gets funny with you? Tough! It is OK to guard your boundaries, who else is going to do it? Do not ask for permission, just do it.

"What are you up to this weekend?" is fine.
"What are you doing Saturday morning, and then what are you doing in the afternoon? How about the evening?" etc. is not fine.

Also, if you don't want to answer any question, "Dunno", "I'll just wait and see..." are perfectly good answers. And then ignore further questions.

I mean…

on a Friday in work the standard small talk is what are you doing this weekend.

so that’s pretty normal.

of you say “I’m doing something exciting and interesting” then yeah people are going to carry on the conversation.

the correct way to deal with this is say “sleeping all weekend” or similar and then ask them if they watched celebrity traitors or another small talk topic.

Its a normal question to ask if you are used to working on Fridays and just making conversation normally.

If it bothers you (I had a friend who was a SAHM who didn't like the question as she didn't do much) just say let them know you don't like being asked that question and then they will stop asking. To me its a question like how are you? Obviously if someone was asking me then inviting themselves or turning up then that would depend on how I felt about that. But general chatting would see as fine and caring.

Vague…oh going out on Saturday to x place. Sunday seeing some friends. Done

@Lobip Are these questions over text messages or in person?

@SilkiePenguin to ask is fine,it's part of making general conversion but when does that question over step the mark ?

Is it when it's asked every Friday ?
Is it when the person asking wants details of your plans for sat morning, afternoon, evening and same for Sunday?
It is when your tell your friend your plans eg going out for lunch/dinner ...then they ask where, with whom, or if its a social occasion and if they don't know the person you're going with then they ask how you know them ?

I always say things like ‘hopefully as little as possibly’ when I don’t want people to know. I once had a friend who sort of tried to take me over. It was unsettling to say the least.

She would ask me what route I took to somewhere then criticise it. She once said ‘you’re going to the supermarket again? You only went yesterday’.

You need to close it down. Be vague, refuse to provide details, ignore the follow-ups.

Answer less.

Reply at the end of the day/weekend and just say that you’ve been making more of an effort to be off of your phone and more involved in family life etc.

@Lobip yes, definitely overstepped with all the questions!! Is he/she usually like this?

Seems rather odd to be so overly inquisitive about your life.

How long have you known this person?

I had a male friend who did this and then would either attempt to join us, insert one of his kids or copy it for their weekend plans another time. It was very odd but I decided to take it as a compliment.

Are they trying to follow/stalk you with the info or is it just to get a better idea of you? It's often rare for people to ask so many questions (guy above has unmedicated ADHD) which is why it can feel non-stop, generally because they come in a torrent.

If you feel someone is intrusive then being vague is one way. Don’t answer the question and change the subject with her. Hate intrusive people. Some questions and details are private information. Can’t stand people that think that they can ask such questions. Last time I had a someone do this I had to tell them I didn’t feel comfortable giving out such information. She stopped talking to me.

FWIW I took a step back and decided not to be so available, take longer to reply and not give as much detail.

When you reply give a brief answer and then ask them what they’re up or ask them a different question.

Could the friend be autistic? If that might be the case and this is making you uncomfortable then you need to ask them directly to not ask you but try and phrase it nicely if you wish to stay friends.

I've tried being vague ... but then I get passive aggressive messages implying I have something to hide

Handy little phrase for you: 'Mind your own bloody business'.

🙂

Have you tried being direct? “Your questioning style feels intrusive if I’m honest “

I'm assuming this is over text message? If so, I just wouldn't reply and be very vague when I eventually respond.

Is this a person you want to remain friendly with?