Worried about Obese Friend

[CarlaCat]

So friend and I have always struggled with our weight, yo yoing since our 20s now in our 50s. I am now 15 stone but friend must be around 25 stone.
Another friend started on the jabs so I asked if this friend would consider them. She said as she has had gall stones in the past she can’t take them.
I am very worried about her as I suspect she is still gaining weight and is at the point where it must be putting her at very high risk of lifestyle illness.
So in this situation is there anything I can do? I mean obviously she knows all of the above so what would saying anything do?

May I politely suggest you concentrate o your own body and leave your friends to concentrate on theirs. There’s nothing worse than a fellow fatty giving advice on losing weight while not following the advice for themselves. My mum does this to me all the time and it’s so hypocritical. Just because you haven’t gained at the same rate doesn’t give you the right to pass comment.

It true Mumsnet style the first comment absolutely nails it.

I think it depends on your relationship. It sounds that you both may have discussed weight/health over the years you've been friends. So the subject of health could be brought up easily.
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A friend of mine has weight struggles and it's due to health reasons. She talks about it openly with a couple of good friends but it's on her terms. She's concerned about her long-term health and knows her family and close friends are.

Who made you in charge of other people’s bodies?
Mind your own business unless asked for advice.

@Pancakeflipper we have a very close relationship which is why I haven’t said anything. I have health reasons for gaining weight but she does not.

Your friend will almost certainly know more than you do about the state of her own health. She may well not want to discuss it for a number of reasons.

Gallstones are a risk when losing weight regardless of how someone does it (any extra risk from being on weight loss injections would come from losing too quickly).

I've gone from a size 24 to a size 12 this year, and my advice to anyone overweight would be...nothing.

When you lose weight (quit any addiction or bad habits or complete a big life change), what you realise is, you won't do it until you're ready.

I tried a thousand diets and I made a thousand excuses. Until I found the right way at the right time, no excuses, it wasn't difficult, I haven't 'fallen off the wagon', I haven't 'cheated', I've just don't it.

There's nothing you can say to your friend to make her lose weight, you will only make her feel upset/ashamed/embarrassed and she might feel awkward seeing you and your friendship could suffer.

I wouldn't say anything to her at all about it. Do you really think she doesn't know? Do you really think no-one else mentions it to her? Don't be yet another person who feels they have a right to comment her body. Just accept her as she is and see her as a whole person, not just her size. If you would really like to talk about it, you can mention your own weight struggles and see if she joins in with her own perspectives, but if she doesn't then leave it.

I think you need to concentrate on yourself rather than your friend.

As a former very large person, we know what we are and we know what we have to do to change it but we have to come to that conclusion and do something about it ourselves. Friends and family coming at us with misplaced “concern” only drives us the other way.

If you’ve both yo-yo’d for decades, then is your weight gain truly about a health condition? You may be projecting a little, which is not unusual. It’s easy for all of us to see what other people should do, hard to put into practice ourselves. Your friend may also be worried about you but not want to say anything either.

Can your health inflicted weight problem actually not be resolved with correct diet and exercise?

I, too, am very worried about my friend..

but…

she knows all the risks and, deep down, does not want to make any changes ..so sad

nothing you can do, i lost one of my friends at the age of 26. She was 32 stone, just had a heart attack after putting her 7 year old son to bed and dropped down dead.

Yes I have bipolar and gain weight when depressed then lose it when well.

@Aweekoffwork you are expressing my feelings exactly, I am very worried about her but know there is nothing I can do.

Those of you saying I should concentrate on myself, I am but there is a big difference between being 5 stone overweight and 15 stone overweight.

Cmon op, you’ve been yo yoing for 30 years for health reasons? It’s not your fault but it is hers?

she’s said no, I assume she is not hard of thinking. It is not your place to police her, back off.

Why don’t you suggest dieting / a health-kick together?

You know there isn't anything you can do to literally stop someone having a life long addiction.

They need to really have the determination and willpower to take each day as it comes and stick to what to them would seem a very restrictive diet.

It is a shame she can't use WLI. I definitely would if I was obese and was medically able.

You could try and get her to join you in an active hobby. Swimming or water based exercise is good, or even just going for a walk in the park. I guess also eat healthily in front of her and offer healthy meals if you're cooking for her.

Where do I say it is her fault, I don’t think fault comes into with weight? That said whether or not it is your fault won’t effect whether it damages your health.

If you want to help your friend, maybe show her by example how easy it is to lose your not inconsiderable excess weight.

If you’re worried for her health, maybe advocate for better healthcare for heavier people and try and stop the discrimination faced by them within the health service.

Concentrate on your own health and weight.

You don't know if she isn't depressed. If she's not having the well periods in between she would just slowly be gaining weight which adds up over the years without massively overeating.

Semantics, your comment of you’ve health issues causing it and she doesn’t.

as a pp just said, if you wish to help,why not show her how it’s done. Get yours under control before you start being all concerned about hers. As unless you’re very tall you are obese and carrying the health risks associated with that.

This. If she was to see you losing weight, it could be the spur that she needs. Do this for yourself first, before worrying about your friend, who you have said has no health problems, at this present time, whereas you have.

Losing weight won’t cure my bipolar. I only mentioned health related causes as a pp mentioned them.

Sadly weight is one of those issues where it must be the person in question who takes action. I feel your pain as my beloved sibling is in a bad way but if you try to strong arm or guilt a person into action you just push them away.