Worried about Obese Friend

[CarlaCat]

So friend and I have always struggled with our weight, yo yoing since our 20s now in our 50s. I am now 15 stone but friend must be around 25 stone.
Another friend started on the jabs so I asked if this friend would consider them. She said as she has had gall stones in the past she can’t take them.
I am very worried about her as I suspect she is still gaining weight and is at the point where it must be putting her at very high risk of lifestyle illness.
So in this situation is there anything I can do? I mean obviously she knows all of the above so what would saying anything do?

I understand your concern op but you can’t do anymore than you’ve already done e by suggesting it.

She knows only too well her issues

How do you lose your weight? Maybe you could suggest a walk together as that would help both your mh as well as exercise but otherwise she has to take responsibility and be prepared to act. You cannot change her.

Maybe if she see you adopting healthy eating and moving away from being five stone overweight she may want to copy.

OP -
you must butt out
your mate knows she is overweight
nothing you can do will help that
but sure as hell you pointing it out, despite any rationale will NEVER be helpful
so butt out, or be hurtful

The effect on your health of the weight gain will be exactly the same regardless of any “reasons”.

Youre not worried for her, you just want to feel superior

I am currently a bmi of 30. I used to be very skinny- underweight. I am short and my thyroid is borderline low. I am anaemic because of blood loss during my last birth. My friends don’t know any of those things. Why would they. I would end a friendship if my ‘friend’ posted this on an online forum.

Crikey that's a bit of a retort!

Would you say the same if the friend was taking drugs, for example?

Surely it's only natural to be concerned about a friend endangering their health?

Would you be upset if a friend mentioned they were worried about your health or behaviour- or might you thank them?

Whether someone is addicted to food, drugs, alcohol, exercise, in a bad relationship, overdone the plastic surgery, lives in a shit tip, or anything there is literally nothing you can say to change any of it. If there was there would only be slim, fit, healthy people living in healthy environments and behaving in healthy and balanced ways. The friend knows she's overweight, telling her isn't going to help her in any way.

That would make sense if the op wasn’t 15 stone and likely obese. But as she is, then she needs to get her own house sorted before she focuses on any one else’s.

I agree to a point but friends can be mutually supportive.
Surely you can see that?

There is obese and morbidly obese.
25st is morbidly obese.

I can't even imagine what that looks like.

I don't agree.
Sometimes a friendly word and an offer to help can work.

Not always- but sometimes.

I also agree with the poster, and the proof is there, the friend said no. I think a friendly word can help if you yourself are on a journey, but to sit there fat and tell someone else they should lose weight, seldom helps anyone.

There’s nothing worse than Mounjaro evangelists! You’re acting like a self righteous twat. Leave her be!

Another friend started on the jabs so I asked if this friend would consider them. She said as she has had gall stones in the past she can’t take them.

That would have been the time to ask her what might work and if her GP could offer support. In some areas of England they offer gym vouchers and other support.

Rather than telling her what to do, I'd ask what she intends to do.
I'd also talk about how I was worried about my own weight and the plans I had ot try to change that.

If she showed any interest, I might say 'Let's be buddies with this and help each other along'.

It's not so black and white as 'Keep out of this'.

The OP is FIFTEEN stone!

That's like telling her friend she's worried about her smoking, while hanging a fag out of her own mouth.

How have you any mates? I can’t beleive you’d actually say to someone what do you intend to do. Christ on a bike.😂

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/worried-about-a-friend-or-family-member/

If you can’t tell your mates the truth then you ain’t mates

And in similarly true Mumsnet style someone else comes along shortly afterwards and appoints themselves the arbiter of whether the first post has "nailed it".

@calmag Yes, we have a similar situation in our family. We’re probably going to lose them too soon, but it’s their decision. It’s very difficult. 💐

If I was 15 stone I’d definitely be morbidly obese though

There is nothing you can do, and saying anything will in all likelihood alienate her and create distance in your friendship.

What would you say? She knows she is morbidly obese. She will know what to do to lose the weight. The issue is with being able to consistently do that for the amount of time needed, which will be a long time. There are going to be challenges in her life that derail her from doing this. Presumably as her friend you know what some of those might be? Maybe look at helping her with those issues rather than focussing on the weight alone.

Maybe you can both help each other with diet and exercise?

im agog at some of these responses. How people have any friends beats me, if a friend asks you tell the truth, but you don’t go running round your mates spelling out every unpalateable truth that occurs to you.

your fat. Yeah I know I’m fat but I’m not as fat as you. Get on the mounjaro.
your new hair colour is shite
your husband is one ugly bastard.
your son is thick as mince.
your house is minging, ever thought of tidying up.
that outfit is appalling, makes you look like a clown

where do you stop in proactively telling your mates rhe truth.