Why is my son acting like this

[Stressedouuut]

3yo is driving me up the wall. He is just being so naughty at the minute I dont get why

Throwing stuff running around hitting shouting

Its non stop i feel like all I do is tell.him off

We've just been to s hop. Hes running hitting everything running away from me shouting and kicking off I try to stop him

I just feel awful and now jusg feel like sitting in all day

I dont even want to take him to a family gathering tomorrow because hes so naughty and it makes me and his dad argue

Why is he just acting out never listening to me

He can be such a sweet boy its making me so sad and ive got a 1yo so im just wornout and stressed

I just feel so upset and alone ive went home and just dont want to go out now. .y husband is constantly at e
Me about his behaviour and now my mum is having a go saying hes got adhd and needs medication?

I dont think that but he js really acting out

The house sounds chaotic emotionally. Your partner having a go at you and taking no share Of responsibility. Also, this little one is 3 yo! And he has a 1 yo sibling. That has probably changed his life significantly. Less focus on him and time having to be shared. Not helpful from your mum suggesting medication for a 3 yo either.

You and your partner need to take a united stance on how you’ll manage your son’s behaviour as a team, firmly but with lots of love. He will also be picking up on the conflict at home.

Maybe he’s about to be ill?

Maybe he needs a homey day and less stimulation? Shop and family gathering both quite draining IMO.

Also he’s 3. When you have a younger one you forget that 3 is tiny still.

Im sat here crying cant hide it and hes just sat playing Magna tiles

I keep asking why hes acting out and he just laughs and walks away

I dont know whats going on I just feel like not going out because its too stressful going anywhere he just is acting out everywhere

Apart from nursery

Sounds like a 3 year old just playing up, ridiculous of your mum to say its adhd. If your aruging in the household he will be acting up because of that. He needs a calm environment, you having a break down and aruging with your partner is hindering him. You need to start being stricter and stop the arugements.

He is so young hes nearly 4 and all my mym keeps saying is i need to help him before school and him being naughty there

Im up the wall hes been acting out for a few months yhs now I dont know what to do

I kind of misprhased it, when I say DH has a go at me its a moan really

We dont argue in front of the kids if its ever a bicker I nip it in the bud

We discuss things when theyre in bed not in front of them

Magna tiles sounds good. Praise and notice the positive.

Also so what if he has ADHD? Not a reflection on your parenting. Not a sign of a bad child. Not definitely requiring medication.

But agree my mum is absolutely ridiculous. Before she said hes got adhd and needs medication - shes not a qualified doctor or even close

She said im failing him not seeking an assessment?

No point asking a 3/4 year old why they are behaving a certain way. Environment is a significant factor.

What is yours and your partners relationship like?
Do you have consistent routines for him?
What is he like at nursery??

Tell her that my kid is TEN and I’ve just started the assessment process this morning. She can judge me instead of you 😄❤️

Kids still pick up on things like that.

Me and my partner are fine a bit of a roomate stage but we dont get dates etc

Dh works long hours so we get the weekends with him im part time so the kids get me more I only work 3 days

I have to do bed time nad nursery runs etc

Nursery say hes absolutely fine so good and helpful and doesnt do any of the stuff I mention

Hes chilled a bit now watching an episode of something he likes

Im just so stressed out trying to be calm but I feel like he just wont stop acting out I know hes young its just tough

When it feels like hes the only kid anywhere we go doing it

So, if all is well at nursery that maybe indicates that whatever is happening at home contributes to him feeling less contained/more unsettled OR maybe he just uses all his energy at nursery and feels able to let loose at home

He’s possibly picking up on your stress as well and that’s unsettling him.

Are you sure its not out of boredom? Does he get out a lot? He might be one of those kids that prefers the freedom of being outdoors than being home.
but he will be picking up your stress, no more asking him why hes acting up because it’s encouraging him to do it more as he clearly finds it funny. You need to either put him on time out or up to his bed for a bit to calm down. Rinse & repeat.

Theres nothing reallt 'happening' at home though? I mean if eel tense when he starts being naughty

But hes very happy and energetic he doesn't show other signs of stress?

I just did some goggling. The only sign of 'stress' he shows is his like acting out behaviour. He eats great sleeps great and no potty accidents etc

It did mention wanting attention and a few has mentioned his 1yo sibling

I feel bad now. Shes been so velcro since day 1 like still wont let anyone do bed time apart from me. She always wants me and wont let anyone else or she cries for me. So me and ds get snippets of 1 to 1 time and now im wo deirng is it because hes fed up witb this aspect?

You could start mentioning that only well behaved boys get presents from Father Christmas.

I can understand how upsetting and difficult you are finding your son's behaviour. It never helps when other people weigh in with their ideas either.
Back in the days of children's centres we ran courses for parents and carers based on the strategies in this book. www.mhfi.org/disciplineandboys.pdf
You might find it helpful .
I sympathise with your daughter being a velcro baby. They are very hard work. But she won't be like that forever.

Do you give him a lot of positive attention and praise. Have you tried a sticker chart or anything like that

Yeah it worked for a week and when he got the first reward after collecting his spiderman stars he just kept ignoring🤦‍♀️

I do give lots of praise and he knows im proud of him

Im jsut wondering if it is because he can barely get a minute alone with me bless him

Yeah that is hard does your 1 year old nap or can dh have the 1 year old for an hour every weekend so you and ds can do something special together.

Sounds like he's desperate for attention(not saying youre not providing enough, I had kids with similar ish ages and it's hard doing it all). Is your partner helping enough, does he contribute with housework cooking etc or is everything on you ?

When the 1 yo naps, can you and your eldest just sit and cuddle, watch something for an hour. Or at bedtime, when the youngest goes to sleep can you and the eldest sit and just play a game together, watch an episode of a show he likes etc. My eldest is 8 soon and has ASD , he was very like this when my youngest was small (they're 15 months apart). Even now at his age every evening when my daughters in bed, he comes and sits with me and we play our switches together. All you can do is try and find bits of time to spend with him, get your partner to pull his weight a bit more and redirect. Ignoring negative behaviour (eg smaller things) and praise the positives can be helpful.

When my kids have a moment (still, at 6&7) depending on what it is, I'll try to turn it into a bit of a joke by imitating them. They laugh and 9 times out of 10 they'll forget what they were moaning about 😅. It's really hard, but you need to look at everything going on in the household (looking at dad here) and figure out what's not working. Incredibly I found it far easier when I left my kids dad, than I did when we were together. Kids pick up on our emotions far more than you'd think, and I always noticed my kids playing up more when I was already overwhelmed (usually because of their dad being relatively useless). Good luck, you're not alone at all.