Why is my son acting like this

[Stressedouuut]

3yo is driving me up the wall. He is just being so naughty at the minute I dont get why

Throwing stuff running around hitting shouting

Its non stop i feel like all I do is tell.him off

We've just been to s hop. Hes running hitting everything running away from me shouting and kicking off I try to stop him

I just feel awful and now jusg feel like sitting in all day

I dont even want to take him to a family gathering tomorrow because hes so naughty and it makes me and his dad argue

Why is he just acting out never listening to me

He can be such a sweet boy its making me so sad and ive got a 1yo so im just wornout and stressed

its likely this, when we had ds2 we had to make sure that ds1 still got lots of 1-1 time either with DH or I, and now they're older we still make sure of this. a little trip to M&S for a hot chocolate, or a swim together. It's hard but you really have to make the time.

Ds1 is also very physical - we used to joke he was like a dog and needed 2 good long walks a day, and hes the same now at 10 - he does swimming twice a week, does karate twice a week, is always playing football or out and about. Ds2 is completely different, a chilled homebody who loves nothing more than curling up on the sofa and watching a film. Maybe he needs more child focused activity - rather than the shops and family gatherings?

He does go swimming i take him swimming lessons every week and we get out lots as a family were national trust members and love discovering new places

Last week we went to a fabulous natutebreserve with a fantastic playground thay the kids loved even when the rain got torrential

I do think he needs more time thoufhr I feel people think im silly like ive mentioned it and people look at me wrong and say my youngest is onlt a baby etc

But mty eldest is too? I asked my mum and everyone's scared to mind youngest as shes very clingy and upset for me

Where’s your husband on weekends? You divide and conquer, he takes the baby for a couple of hours on a Saturday and you take ds out then same again or swap on Sunday, even if it’s just a walk to the shops. Or around the block for 20 mins it doesn’t always have to be a big day out. Honestly ds1 would have a day at nursery, come home have dinner then while dh bathed the little one I’d have to take ds1 out for a 20 mins walk before bed to burn off some more energy. He’s always needed physically tiring out

Three year olds are murderous. Most grow out of it.

He’s laughing at you because he has no clue what you’re talking about. He’s only existed on the planet for 3 years. He’s laughing because he’s muddled up by everything going on. You can’t speak to him like that (“why are you doing this?”) he doesn’t have the language or the emotional maturity or intelligence to even begin to answer your question. He’s 3.

Your husband needs to stfu and show a united front with you and other family members need to butt out.

Your son needs routine and clear expectations followed by swift and logical consequences for bad behaviour. You also need to lower expectations and take pressure off him. Don’t take him shopping with you. Don’t overload him with too many activities.

You’ve lost the fun in your relationship with him and it’s up to you to bring it back, not him. He’s 3 years old. Get the fun back and his behaviour will improve. Enter his little world and his behaviour will improve.

Honestly 3 year olds are just incredibly annoying. It's a phase. Everyone says it's sibling jealousy but my eldest went through the annoying 3yo phase as well and he didn't have any siblings until he was 10!

I recommend the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk".

And whatever your vice of choice is after he goes to bed. And be pleased he doesn't do it at nursery, it means he will probably grow out of it and nothing is necessarily wrong.

Oh yes and the other top tip is that three year olds are like dogs, they need their exercise, they need to be taken to toilet at regular intervals and they need instructions to be very clear and short, using as few words as possible. Obviously talking to them is really important and helpful for their language development, but if you actually need to communicate important information or instructions, then as short/simple as possible. Don't waffle on for ages trying to persuade or reason (pretend you are speaking to a dog, and you'll see why this doesn't work!) Admittedly this is a bit opposite to some of the How To Talk advice but anything more wordy in HTT comes in useful later.

They call them 'threenagers' for a reason, OP! He sounds perfectly normal to me, just a little boy who's a little bit unhappy because Mum has to spend most of her time on his sister when he'd quite like to have her all to himself. It's no good asking him why he does what he does, he's too little to have that level of self awareness, and all you can do is try to give him as much time one to one as you can, and even when his sister is glued to you, if you can ignore her for a bit in favour of him it might help.

Oh I meant to add with the dog bit (which is only half a joke) - all the positive dog training stuff, like telling them what TO do which is incompatible with what you don't want them to do, this also works really well, and praise them massively when they do well. It's much more effective than getting wound up when they're being a pain.

But like for example - if you're on a bus and they're whining or being loud, instead of telling them to be quiet, start playing a quiet game of I Spy and they will probably join in, and this is incompatible with the loud/whiny behaviour so that will stop and you're rewarding the quiet reasonable playing a game behaviour with your attention.

Or when they want to investigate something disgusting, instead of saying "Oh yuck!!! Put it down, it's dirty!!" which is highly interesting to them, suddenly find a really interesting thing at the other end of the playground and start making excited noises about this instead, to get their interest diverted.

If they want to run off in the shop, try to get them interested in helping you spot things and remind them of the rule to stay close before you get into the shop in the first place.

Sometimes you just have to put a velcro baby down and let them holler for a few minutes while you pay attention to the other one.

Otherwise the baby gets all the attention and the other one acts up. You are in a lose/lose situation, but at the moment your baby is getting all your attention and the older one is getting none. Unless he plays up, because he has learned that it is the only way to get you to pay attention to him.

Go figure.