I’m a single mum who works 40hrs. I feel like I’m going to collapse

[Daisydips]

I’m a single mum who works 40 hours a week. My LO is in nursery Monday to Friday and I genuinely can’t take it.

I have no idea what I’m doing wrong as I know single parents do this all the time but I’m starting to really struggle, it’s been over two years of doing It and it feels like I’m never going to get a break. I literally need the money I earn also, I have no financial support and my LO dad can’t afford to pay.

I have no clue on what to do. on the weekend I had a breakdown the whole weekend I couldn’t even move I was crying, exhausted and just done. Everyday I’m one bad sleep away from crashing again.

what do other single parents do ?

100%. We can't be in two places at once. Raising the next generation is important and it doesn't seem right that only the independently wealthy or those tied to a man are able.

I was wondering this. Does his mum show any interest in her grandchild?

I was going to suggest even temporarily, getting a Fit Note from your GP, not sure what your sick pay is like at work? Also do you claim Universal Credit or anything like that, as although you would need to find out, to be sure, they should cover more if you are off sick, and income reduces.
If you are not on anything like that, then i really take my hat off to you, because even my previous work, if I did full time, the hours are long and after school care would be needed daily, and I still wouldn’t be able to rent a flat where I am, on that yearly salary.

But if you can get a fit note this will give you some short term relief, assuming your child is at school? So you will have the day to start getting some breaks in and rest/catch up on things you need to.
Are you really better off full time?
Otherwise i would be looking at part time.

As others have said, I would put in a claim for CMS - on benefits only, I think it is £7 a week but it (a) puts a marker in the ground if he earns more later and (b) at least funds a few easy meals a month or whatever would help you the most.

I have no idea what I’m doing wrong as I know single parents do this all the time but I’m starting to really struggle, it’s been over two years of doing It and it feels like I’m never going to get a break.

And you are doing nothing wrong. Many single parents who are doing this have more support from their child's dad (money/overnights) and/or from family. What you are doing is very hard, please don't beat yourself up.

My daughter was the same.. as well as looking after 3 teenage boys all with MH / ND/ASD .. one with FND.. one with schizophrenia... no help from their absent sperm donor ( should say their absent father who hasn't bothered with them for 12 years).. she's now gone P/T .. 10 hours.. claims Carers and UC as a top up.. much better all round for all.. she felt guilty at first not working and claiming. Eldest is 20 now ( Schizophrenia one) and Claims PIP... but 40 hours burnt her out and she was heading for a break down. You do what you have to do.
Good luck

It’s relentless and exhausting, and how people do it? I guess they do it because they have no other choice. Many will have help whether that’s financially (benefits), or working fewer hours, or family support. That’s all going to make it easier to cope with.
I wish I had the answer to how it can be better or easier. I became a lone parent later than you and mine are now teens, but it’s still really tough and I usually look at how long until they are older and it won’t be so tiring.
You aren’t alone - there’s lots of us out here struggling as well.

Oh and PS - not all single parents will have a 2 year old waking at 4am. That's a killer. DS2 was awake in the middle of the night for three long years and it was awful, and I had a DH to tag team with and worked 4 days per week. You should have a medal!

Be kind to yourself xx

Thats shocking especially on the dads part he needs to step up and support his child financially.what does he do? Does he even work? He should be providing her food and whatever she needs every week but especially while shes with him .how old is this man child?

I'm with you on this.
I have my own company and sometimes I work 45+ hours a week, however due to lack of support from my ex ans my siblings are of working age I'm thinking of cutting down my hours and taking on somebody to help out.
Yes I will earn a little less but like you I feel like I'm at breaking point but what choice do we have!
I work mostly from home, so I try to do at least 1 hour a day housework
Meal prep is done on a Sunday night when my son goes down, I try to do at least 3 meals in one go.
Don't be so hard on yourself and defo look into cutting your hours down, hopefully your company accepts your proposal - join a union if you can to support you.
And unfortunately you can't force someone to do something they don't want to do, however your LO will soon see who was there and who wasn't, just like by DS has.
Good luck x

This post breaks my heart 💟 I have no suggestions, but some I've quickly read make sense. Take some time off work. Send LO to nursery and rest x

Oh love, I really feel for you — I was in a very similar boat before my daughter started school and a lot hole after and honestly, it’s brutal. You’re not doing anything wrong, it’s just too much for one person to handle long term. Working full time, doing every nursery run, all the house stuff, never getting a proper rest — it’s absolutely exhausting.
A lot of people will tell you to cut costs and use reusable cloths etc but that’s not going to touch the sides when you’re completely burnt out. What might actually help is looking at whether you can reduce your hours a bit and still get by with some support.
You might already know some of this, but:
Universal Credit can sometimes top up your income even if you work full time, and they’ll cover up to 85% of childcare costs now (paid much quicker than before).
Tax-free childcare gives you 20% off nursery fees (some people can use both that and UC).
Check you’re getting Council Tax single person discount and any reduction you qualify for.
Healthy Start vouchers if your LO’s under 4.
It’s worth putting your details into entitledto.co.uk or turn2us.org.uk — they’ll tell you exactly what you could be entitled to, even if you’re working.
When I did the maths, I realised if I’d have dropped my hours a bit, the UC top-up would’ve gone up, and I’d have saved on nursery too — so I would’ve earned slightly less but been so much better off mentally. I didn’t do it at the time and I really wish I had, because I missed too much of my daughter’s early years and I was absolutely shattered all the time.
I also followed Jack Monroe’s Cooking on a Bootstrap for cheap but decent meals, and that helped me stretch things without feeling like I was just eating toast and my daughter actually enjoyed the meals.
Please know you’re not failing at this — it’s just not sustainable as it is, and you deserve a bit of breathing space. Even one small change, like dropping a few hours or getting help with nursery costs, can make such a difference to how you feel. 💗

tell her dad he needs to step up, one day per week, you can be a bit flexible but Saturday or Sunday he needs to have dc and ideally overnight, this isn’t about money it’s about time for you and stress that to him

If you are near Manchester, North West or Cumbria would love to help x

If you get sick pay then get dinged off for 2 weeks and then take it from there.

You sound so overwhelmed that making a decision would be tough.

Something has to give. Work less hours or lower your standards at home or get more support. Or a combination.

I think a lot of us felt the same. I remember really struggling. Can you get some breaks? This is essential

I feel for you OP. Think about self referring to Home Start. They have volunteers who will provide a range of support, could even be helping with housework or just a friendly face who you can talk to. Next is to make a claim to CMS, dad needs to wake up to his responsibilities.

I think sleep is the number one issue to sort. You might want to start a separate thread for advice. A few more hours interrupted will change things.

Jack Monroes food is all very tiny portions with low calories which won’t do OP any good. Better to have a number of quick dishes which give her what she needs.

Have you gone through CMS for child support ? I am sorry it's unacceptable behaviour for a father to not step up in anyway, financially or emotionally! Why he not helping every other weekend? Or one day per week ? Nothing? Could you cut your hours down? And claim some benefits? Before you completely crash? Or cut one day off from work and have little one go to nursery, but you use that day to rest? I feel for you bless you!

Go through child maintenance. They will take it off his UC if thats all he is on. He isnt able to just fuck off to mummy while you deal with everything

Most parents aren’t dealing with 4am waking 7 days a week. I would be in my knees. Maybe focus on that - it will make a huge difference I’d you can sleep till 6 most nights.

The Dad is living back home rent free but still has no money for his child? How?

Can you take a couple of days annual leave next week, put baby in nursery and have a blissful 2 days to yourself?

As a short term measure can’t you take some annual leave and keep your LO in nursery for that time. Then use it to have a proper break, catch up on sleep, do whatever you find rejuvenating. Don’t feel guilty, your LO needs you to look after yourself, in fact she is dependent on you being able to cope, so it’s good for her too if you can find some time to look after yourself.

I have been in the same boat for more than 9 years. It is very hard. 2 years ago i needed to take a 6 weeks breaks from work as i was exausted and had a mental breakdown. You should be entitled to some support from gov. All i can say is to take things slow and do what you can xxx