What treatment would King Charles get

[Notreadyforit]

Got a call a few hours ago from hospital. My dad was at friends for dinner this evening, tripped and fell on way to the car. The scan showed fractures and he has a brain bleed. I was told they’d probably need to operate at another hospital and they sent the scans to another hospital who said they don’t need to operate and monitor him where he is. I assume he probably left the house around 10. A and E is busy, with a 13 hour wait. Hospitals are at capacity. Dr Google says quick action and operation (I know, I know). He can’t speak, can barely move one side, has vomited and was trying to push something out of his mouth which ended up being a blood clot. I’m wondering if the treatment path is right for him - how will I know? What would they say if it was King Charles? My poor dad - I spoke to him earlier today and all was fine. They want to monitor him in resus for another five hours. There is no ventilation, no masks, just vulnerable patients and shitloads of viruses about.

He didn’t wait 13 hours. That was the wait time being announced.

He was put on anti seizure meds on Friday or Saturday. They were gradually increased. Can’t be scanned on them. Should he have been put on them earlier? What ifs. It’s gone from being it might get worse before it gets better on Friday to removing drip yesterday and being told he had hours or a day left today. There’s no side room for him. He’s on a ward . I’m on my way home. I stayed past visiting hours. They’ll let me know if he’s hopefully moved to a side room later on this evening. No privacy to say goodbyes so far. I’m crying, but it’s still not real. He was fully independent. Why couldn’t he have broken an arm or a leg? I’m trying to be grateful that he has lots of people who love him.

I feel detached, yet I don’t know what way is up. The world feels like it’s shrunk and got very large at the same time. I’m aware I sound like I’ve lost the plot. Just a couple of stops to go now and would typically call my dad when I got home from leaving him. He’d always ask me to call him when I left him to let him know I’d got home safely. I’d inwardly eyeroll as a grown woman, but it was such a minor thing to do to give him peace of mind that I always did it. I wish I could let him know tonight. Oh Dad.

I’m so sorry, OP. No advice but wish I could give you a big hug. The nurses will move your dad to a side room if they possibly can. Thinking of you and your dad.

I'm so sorry OP. I'm thinking of your dad and will say a prayer for him tonight x

I’m so sorry to read your update Op. Thinking of you and your Dad. X

@HeddaGarbled what kind of person makes disparaging comments on the thread of a person about to lose their father?

He’d always ask me to call him when I left him to let him know I’d got home safely. I’d inwardly eyeroll as a grown woman, but it was such a minor thing to do to give him peace of mind that I always did it.

It sounds like he loves you very much, and you love him very much too.

I can't say much to comfort you OP. It's a terrible shock, and awful state of affairs within hospitals at the moment. I do believe that your dad would want you to be able to be at home for a while to take a breather and process what is happening, see your family and to lean on your loved ones.

Sometimes it is a comfort to our ageing, elderly, or poorly parents and care givers for us to leave, because they don't want us to have to witness the deterioration towards the end.

Do you have a partner or a friend that can be with you?

Someone who is incredibly frustrated at the level of care her loved on was receiving and who is also very aware that it's one rule for us and another for a very small elite, who got into that position through no other reason than accident of birth, because let's not pretend that he'd be waiting in A&E or has to spend days trying to get a GP appointment.

@Notreadyforit so sorry about your Dad

When you're faced with grief, your mind often goes to places, wondering about the inequality of treatment among people.

About how some man on a throne, born into wealth and privilege, who is a stranger to you and hasn't done anything to benefit you in your life gets the utmost preferential treatment compared to the person who raised you, who has helped you grow, been there for you during your worst times and perhaps own illnesses being left on a ward with no privacy or dignity in their final days.

It's called non-linear thinking and it happens more often in times of stress and trauma. For the person thinking the thoughts, the dots are connected, but for onlookers it can take a bit of a creative process to come to that conclusion, but a conclusion can still be made.

The OP has been anticipating grief since this incident has happened, and now her worst fears are coming true in front of her eyes.

A little bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss.

Reported.

OP I’m so sorry. You must be in bits.

I’m so sorry that he is so unwell and I hope things get better or at least that he is comfortable.

It’s certainly true that King Charles would not have waited in A&E but I do believe that certainly for serious situations like this no neurosurgeon or A&E Dr would give less than optimal treatment based on a person’s circumstances.

There are lots of different kinds of brain bleed and some of them cannot be operated on. The blood thinners would also make it harder to operate. if there is further bleeding you risk making it worse. A persons age, frailty and other conditions will all affect the decision to operate or not which can be finely balanced.

Jilly Cooper was a very wealthy and privileged lady and still died of a brain bleed after a fall recently. Maybe that’s not a helpful thing to say but I mean to convey that it is likely he is getting good care and that it’s just such a horrible and devastating thing that can happen to anyone.

I do understand the irrationality of grief too. When my mum died young of cancer I remember surprising myself with the flash of anger I felt to some perfectly innocent elderly man in the street with a walking frame just because he was alive and she wasn’t.

However you feel is a valid way to feel

Just called ward to see if he’s been moved yet. They told me the room number he’d be moving to around 8 (which is when visiting time was meant to finish). I’m probably not making much sense at the moment.

They still haven’t had a chance to move him yet. Being told it could be hours until he goes, yet waiting for him to be moved so I can be with him is hard. He was upset that his mum was alone when she died. I want someone he loves being with him, holding his hand when he goes.

Why did I think of King Charles? I want to know that the medical decisions being made for my dad are the same as would be made for King Charles if their bodies/age/medical history etc were the same (or someone deemed as important). I hope an explanation isn’t needed for why I feel like telling a certain poster to go fuck themselves.

I guess you can never know for certain and do have to have a degree of trust in expert opinion or you would drive yourself mad. I am biased as an NHS Dr but I do honestly believe that we will treat people to the best of our abilities without fear or favour. I have treated some important people and given them just the same advice as the next person. They could often pay for a bit more comfort, a shorter wait or a 2nd opinion if they wished to but the advice and treatment in the end was the same.

I hope he is moved soon and that you can be with him. He will know that he is loved and that is something that money certainly cannot buy.

I am so sorry you are going through this OP, it is earth shattering as I know all too well. My mother was in a similar position 20 or so years ago, no fall but a terrible, random brain bleed which her GP claimed was a migraine. Against all the odds she survived, no thanks to incredibly shoddy care. I am still not sure survival was the right thing in her case as she was a sad shadow of her former self.
Please don't waste any precious energy wondering about the King, he is in a unique situation but even that wouldn't alter what is or isn't the right treatment. If it happened to him at Balmoral he'd be just as stuffed (or not) as anybody else as there is no private, emergency neuro service in Scotland at all. In fact as far as I am aware there's none outside London and only one there.
I hope you will soon be able to go and be with your dear father in a side room, so you can spend such precious time as he has with him.
Sending love and sympathy.

I’ve just found and RTFT.
Im sending my love to you and wishing your dad Godspeed, I hope as he goes he knows you are there and he is surrounded in a bubble of love.
I was sat here feeling sorry for myself and now I’m weeping for you and your dad.
Let us know when he’s gone and I’ll light a candle for him to light his way.
And, for what it’s worth, due to private health care (and security) the King wouldn’t have had to sit in a horrible chair for hours in A&E but the treatment he received would have been the same.

I’m so sorry, @Notreadyforit.

Wishing you and your brother strength. And your poor father some peace.

@Notreadyforit

I am not wanting to detail my full experience on here (happy to share more on PM if it would help) but I have been in your situation.

The most obvious thing I noted in your posts is that you appear to be being constrained in being with your Dad by visiting times. You should try and speak to someone senior about that. Given the prognosis they have given you should be allowed to visit and be with him 24hrs a day.

My thoughts are with you !!

I think he’s thirsty.

If the best surgeons were already in surgery he would still have to wait. But the King would be able to afford a private room in an NHS hospital. As would anyone with serious money.

I know it's really hard to see them thirsty when they're passing away but please don't give him any water. Dab his lips with some wet cotton. Ask the staff to offer him pain relief and morphine. It will help stabilise his breathing and stop any panic he might be feeling too. It might seem really cruel to not give him anything to drink, but it's the kindest thing you can do for your dad.

@TheCorrsDidDreamsBetter why?

I've been asking this same question re my dad's treatment (he's showing signs of digoxin toxicity but next cardio appointment is in 21 weeks - you can bet big Charlie wouldn't be waiting that long and he certainly wouldn't be sitting in a chair overnight in an emergency department).

I hope they reform the health service before it's my turn but they probably won't.

All the best for your dad - it sounds horrible.