What stage into seeing someone do you stop online dating?

[Ifatreefalls]

I’vd been single for two years, although have been casually dating in that time. I’m now ready for something long-term though. I met someone a few weeks ago through OLD and things have moved very quickly. A bit more quickly than I’m comfortable with (eg. Constant messaging, seeing each other a lot, sleeping together) but I’m going with it because so far I like him and we get along great and he also wants something long-term. However, I’m not ready to give up chatting to other people/potentially going on other dates. I don’t know this guy well enough yet to know if I want something long-term with him but I’m already feeling tied into it and it’s only been a few weeks! But at the same time I don’t want to lose him, I just want to keep my options open because it’s such early days. However if he knew I was still on dating apps/talking to other people I think he might be out. What do I do? Should I be honest with him and tell him I want to slow things down and risk losing him or just be thankful that, as a single parent, I’ve found a good guy that I get along with and am attracted to and focus on him?…

If he was what you were looking for, you’d be off OLD already. Do the decent thing and end it then keep chatting to others online. Don’t deceive him.

I think different people move at different speeds. I’ve only known him for 3 weeks, so far he ticks all the significant boxes and I definitely don’t want to end it but there’s no way I can know if I want to commit to a relationship with someone after 3 weeks, no matter how amazing they might be, because I’ve only had the time to get to know a very small part of who he is

I'd stop looking elsewhere. If it doesn't work out with him, go back to the apps. But why risk losing someone you like by shopping around? Unless, as PP have said, you are not sure, deep down.

It should be possible to chat about it, to check you are both feeling the same. Just ask: How are you feeling about this? Do you want to commit to seeing each other and no one else at the moment? or do you want to keep things more casual?

I think I’m probably old fashioned in this view but the dating profiles should be paused from the second date for me. I think continuing to chat to or date others can only be interpreted as using someone whilst you look for something better. If you like someone then invest some time and energy in giving that a go. If it doesn’t work out get back on the apps then.

You should tell him if you see other people especially if you are sleeping with him and you may do with others. That's only decent.

I’m similar to others a few dates in and I’d be off dating sites especially if you’ve been sleeping together. If you feel it’s too soon and a bit rushed, do you regret sleeping together so soon? Or were you more after casual dating. I’d just feel guilty chatting to other people when you’ve already committed to dating and sleeping with someone. If this one doesn’t work out and you want to keep options open I probably wouldn’t sleep together so soon or spend so much time together as I feel that gives the impression you’re really into him

I wouldn’t sleep with someone and still date other people. If I’m that far into a relationship then it better be exclusive in both sides.

I'd come off the apps temporarily and see how it goes with this guy and if it doesn't work resume the apps.

You don't have to commit to a relationship or stay on the apps, there is a third option which I think is what most people do i.e. pause the apps but don't commit to never dating anyone else ever again.

Do be cautious about going too fast to soon though particularly in regard to your children. Don't let him anywhere near them for at least a year.

I don't date multiple people at the same time. It's not about making a commitment to them. I don't listen to multiple songs at the same time either. I just like to do whatever I'm doing and pay attention to that.

I've never dated multiple people at a time, that would not be comfortable for me. If I was going out with someone on dates and definitely if I was sleeping with them, I wouldn't be dating anyone else to see if a better option came up. You either like him or you don't, although I would be slowing things down if I were you.

You should do whatever you're comfortable with, but it sounds a bit like you want to have your cake and eat it too. Either way, be honest about it and accept that he may either want to end things or continue dating others himself.

Totally this!!

things have moved very quickly. A bit more quickly than I’m comfortable with (eg. Constant messaging, seeing each other a lot, sleeping together)

Identify which bit it is that's making you uncomfortable. If he is pushing you into it, he's not a good man, so dump him and carry on dating other people. If he's not pushing you in to it, then tell him what it is that's moving too fast and that you would like to take things slower. If he responds badly to that he's not a good man (see above.) If all that goes well, take things slower but also stop seeing other people. Although to be honest, if you still want to be dating multiple people then you can't be that into him.

This. Why not just pause dating others and go back online if it doesn’t work out with him?

Hi OP! You don’t sound like you like him enough, which is completely fine. Three weeks is plenty of time to “know”. If you don’t feel it, it’s only fair to let him know. 🙂

Just speak to him and say that you are into him, want to keep seeing him, but aren't ready for anything exclusive yet. Assure him that you are fine with him also seeing other people in the meantime. Reinforce that you do like him and want to see where it goes.

It was about 2 weeks for me when I met my DH. I kept the app on my phone but I didn't go on it. I wasn't actively using it but at that point I didn't know things were going to get serious, so I kept my profile in case I wanted it in future. During that time I wasn't interested in messaging other men or going on other dates. I think if you're dating other people it can complicate things. If I was regularly seeing someone I was into, I preferred to just focus on them.

....and make sure to smile sweetly when he carries on dating and you find he's booked up while you're still sorting out the possibilities. If you're ok sleeping with him but want to test-drive others perhaps it is a sign he's not the one?

I know I am old fashioned, but sleeping together after 3 weeks?

If it weren't for that, I would say still chat or have dates with others.

It seems dishonest to do what you are doing - unless he knows and is fine with it?

100% agree. Thats why I gave up on it because a lot of men have this mindset of wanting to keep options open and quite frankly I am not prepared to be an option whilst you take time to see if there is a better option.

If I meet someone I like/get on with I don’t delete my profile but I don’t go on it either. I take time to get to know the ONE person and not get distracted with side chats/juggling men.

You can’t have it both ways, if you know you aren’t ready to stop talking with others, let him know and let him decide if he’s ok with that set up, personally I’d be blocking you in an instant because I am very upfront about my expectations so if a man then said they want to keep their options open and still chatting to others and dating after I had been spending that much time with them and had been intimate then he is not on the same page as me = a waste of my time.

@springintoaction2 that comes across as quite judgemental imo. Im in my 50s I honestly would have hoped the judgement over when people chose to have sex would have stayed in the 60s.

Dh and I have been together 37 years we had slept together within 3weeks it didnt make any difference to how our relationship developed..

I agree with everyone else. The apps will still be there if you decide to end it with this guy at any point. I don't think you're that into him if you're wanting to still meet up with others. Sure you don't know after 3 weeks if he's the one, of course not, but you should know whether you want to continue finding out.

@Enko well done you 🙄

Passes you pearls and a twin suit.

Bit late back to this I know but are you suggesting sleeping together after 3 weeks is too soon?! That is utterly ridiculous and extremely judgemental. Not that any woman has to justify whether she sleeps with a man on the very first date or after the 5th date after a couple of weeks, but 2.5 weeks after meeting up 4 or 5 times I don’t think is considered “too soon” in even the most reserved people’s eyes in 2025