What stage into seeing someone do you stop online dating?

[Ifatreefalls]

I’vd been single for two years, although have been casually dating in that time. I’m now ready for something long-term though. I met someone a few weeks ago through OLD and things have moved very quickly. A bit more quickly than I’m comfortable with (eg. Constant messaging, seeing each other a lot, sleeping together) but I’m going with it because so far I like him and we get along great and he also wants something long-term. However, I’m not ready to give up chatting to other people/potentially going on other dates. I don’t know this guy well enough yet to know if I want something long-term with him but I’m already feeling tied into it and it’s only been a few weeks! But at the same time I don’t want to lose him, I just want to keep my options open because it’s such early days. However if he knew I was still on dating apps/talking to other people I think he might be out. What do I do? Should I be honest with him and tell him I want to slow things down and risk losing him or just be thankful that, as a single parent, I’ve found a good guy that I get along with and am attracted to and focus on him?…

…and old-fashioned is the understatement of the century 🤣

Yes I think you and other posters were right. So many things were perfect about him so I really wanted to like him enough but ultimately I don’t think I did. The speed that he was going at became more and more off-putting, it was a bit love-bomby (not so much in the being showered with gifts, complimented all the time sense..which I would’ve run a mile from immediately, more in the sense of constant texting, talking about “our future” etc) it ended up completely putting me off him and I broke it off with him the other day. It’s a bit of a shame cos if it wasn’t for that intensity he would’ve been great, he kind of ruined it for both of us.

Well surely it depends on the situation and what your personal thoughts are on the matter? Your opinion isn't going to align with everyone else's. Clearly in this situation it was too soon because you were considering sleeping with other people and have now decided you don't like him. 2025 or not, I'd like to think there was some level on exclusivity if I was shagging someone, and if not that, then transparency about the whole situation.

It wasn’t too soon, the sex was great! So it turned out to be a fling rather than a relationship. Why would I regret sleeping with him just because it didn’t work out? I might regret sleeping with someone who ghosted me after, or acted like a dick after or whatever, but he did none of those things.

As you've shared so much of the relationship, are you able to share how he took his banishment (or was it a mutual decision)? No pressure obviously.

Sleeping with someone and secretly dating other people is horrible behaviour

I think you should ask yourself how you would feel if you found out he was messaging other still? Would you think ah fair enough and end it maybe it would be an easy out for you? Does it feel that if he found out and ended it you wouldn’t be that upset? If that’s the case maybe it’s time to cut ties yourself nd keep looking. However if you would be gutted in both those instances. It’s time to pause the dating profiles. Have you both discussed being exclusive?

100% agree. I like to concentrate on one person at a time. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll start again not have my back up plan already on the go.

Personal choice but I find the idea of saying multiple people at the sand time a bit grim - editorially if sleeping with one of more of them.

I think you've done the right thing, listened to your instincts, some posters clearly haven't RTFT.

I think you did the right thing.

For what it’s worth, after I met DH, I went out on first dates with two more guys. Then we had our second and third dates, I decided he was ‘the one’, we discussed exclusivity and that was that. Until that discussion was had and we’d agreed, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to stop dating other people, tbh. Or to expect the other person to.

This ^ for me.