What else do your teens do in the evenings other than game or scroll?

[AnimalFarm1983]

Maybe I'm feeling a bit melancholy as the dark nights are here and it feels like the day ends at5pm. I have 2 boys, one almost 15 and one is 13. The older one is pretty good at self regulating and does different things like play darts, homework, reading or watching sports. The younger one however does nothing but game then stare at his phone. I'm aware this is normal but I also think this is not healthy or productive. I'm trying to remember what I did as a teen...me and my sister were close and usually listened to music, chatted and tidied our room while doing our hair that sort of thing. We did not game or have phones like we do now obviously. I'm 42. They do see friends but usually only at the weekends or holidays. They would happily play football in the park every afternoon during the summer but that's not an option now. I'm trying to go to my mum one evening a week to play a board game which they love but I'm often shattered myself. They also go to a youth club once a week. Just looking for suggestions really.

Lots of teen parents also continue to limit screen time, encourage hobbies and model being interested in something other than gaming/phone, as this thread clearly shows.

Two teenage boys here - 13 and 14.

14 year old goes to st John cadets one night a week. Youth club twice a week and to the gym. When he's not doing those he might be outside playing with his younger siblings and neighbours, he likes cooking and playing roblox.

13 year old goes to football training twice a week, and will be out in all weathers kicking a football around in the park opposite our house. He will go into town sometimes with his friends, also goes to youth club and the gym.

DS2 is 15 and mid GCSE's year.

He games with is friends most evenings, which is fine with me as he works very hard at school.

My teenagers do a mix of football, athletics and swimming. they usually have one free evening a week for homework. No video games at all, they can scroll on their phones or watch TV in between activities and homework.

Unnecessary. Thread is full of teens with pursuits and lives away from screens.

@HelenHywater , respectfully, you don't know any teens that are doing Lego in the evening?! That's an incredibly normal thing, that probably tens of thousands of teens up and down the country are doing on any given night surely?!

(Mine also loves Blocks magazine, for anyone looking for a Lego-adjacent Christmas pres.)

My 16yo has football training one evening a week and band practice two evenings.

Also, I like watching TV with him when we can find something we both enjoy. Usually Taskmaster or Traitors!

I think your issue is the 5pm end of day. Are you saying they can't be out after that becuase it's dark? I think by the time they get to about 14, you have to accept that it might be dark, but it's still a perfectly normal time to still be out and about. And the main danger at night is really when "regular" people are no longer out and about and the dodgier types come out - but at 5pm, people are still coming to and from work/activities/sports etc, nd it's not really noticeably more dangerous than at 5pm in the summer.

DS has sports activities a couple of nights a week and only gets back after 8 on those days. Other days he might have sport at school so by the time he gets home at 5 or 5:30 he might have some homework etc.

On other nights he goes to the gym and won't be home until at least 6pm, later if he's with buddies. We have a basketball net so he often goes out and plays on that in the early evening. He also watches TV - in the lounge with me and DH joining him sometimes depending onw hat's on, or he'll sit with me while I'm watching something or he'll do a few chores ("few" being the key word here! Let's not get excited). He does have a ridiculous grooming regime so he ccan spend 30 minutes in the bathroom!

But yes, he's also doing a lot of gaming and phone time!

I actually don't think it's unnecessary. I think it's perfectly reasonable to point out that there is a massive difference between teens and pre-teens. My 11 year old is still a lovely cuddly little boy who likes crafts and Lego and hanging out with me and my husband. But there was a noticeable and dramatic change in his 13 (nearly 14) year old big brother this year. Almost overnight he's grown 6 inches, his voice has broken and suddenly he only wants to be with his friends in person, or on snapchat and gaming, hanging out with his friends online. He used to love spending time with me and since this year, he doesn't really want much to do with me. I've spoken to my friends and it's the same for all of their son's too. And let's get real here, this is perfectly normal. I'm a psychologist, and this is normal detachment behaviour from a child trying to work out how to become a man who is finding his own place in the world. I think it's actually far more unusual to not be like this than to be like this and I'd worry more if my teen didn't want to push back a bit.

The issue is that for many kids, online is the only chance they get to talk to their friends these days - I know every area is different but often for kids who don't live in cities, their school isn't local, and their friends aren't local so they don't really have the opportunity to just go out and play. They game together online and talk whilst they do, and yes, they talk on snapchat and tiktok. So we could ban social media, but the problem is, are we then setting up our child to be the left-out kid who isn't on snapchat when everyone else is? He'd miss out on most of the social invites. There have been several parties and sports meet ups in his social group that have only been arranged on snapchat groups. Plus by banning it we'd have a resentful child who wants to be in the cool crowd and constantly feels stressed because he's missing out. So I think you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Personally I feel the answer isn't to ban phones and gaming and social media, but to make sure there is some balance (my son does play a lot of sports), that they are doing other things as well, and to have an open dialogue with your child about what is going on online.

But hey, each to their own. What works for us doesn't work for everyone, and not every school is like ours. I really respect the parents who manage to keep their kids off social media. It must be very hard work!

There are many was to communicate beyond Snapchat or TikTok. What’s wrong with a text or a phone call? Still communication, still a screen, but not exposing developing brains to porn, terrorism and abuse, and that’s just some of the things I’ve had friends report appearing on their TikTok completely randomly and not searched for. Snapchat is equally vile for group chat bullying, nudes, disappearing messages that make children think they can say or do whatever they want, etc. I’d say 80-90% of the bullying complaints we get at my workplace school originate on Snapchat. More and more parents are rejecting smartphones and giving a “dumb” phone to protect their children that little bit longer. It’s obviously hard if you are surrounded by parents who allow social media though as, like you say, kids will miss out.

I agree with both @Thematic and @adviceneeded1990 .

It's completely normal and healthy and desirable for young to mid-teenaged children to detach from their parents and siblings to an increasing extent, and build their own communities outside of the home nub. This is to be encouraged, imo. Vital skills need to be learned.

But there are ways and means to do it. In-person is best. But, life gets in the way, they're too young to be left out to roam during all their waking hours, not everyone lives close to everyone else especially in rural and suburban communities etc, but neither should home mean they're out of comms for the rest of the day.

Where I live (not in the UK), increasingly parents are enforcing a no-social-media-ever rule on phone usage. I would say (although who knows with teens! this is my estimation based on what I'm told) that roughly half of my teen's year group don't have any form of social media. They have imessage (they all have Apple gadgets, androids aren't really a thing here) and FaceTime. I'm very happy for these to be used as much as they want (we have a 7.30pm cut off for devices). Some kids do have TikTok and Snapchat, but as the school is fully no-phones, the kids without them are only exposed on the way to/from school (we all live within walking distance) and at weekends. That's fine by me. I'm happy for my DC to know what these things are, spend time on them on their friends' phones if they want as I don't think 20 minutes here or there on a weekday, or a couple of hours every few weekends is going to do any harm. But the perception is that parents who are allowing their DC to have these forms of social media in their pockets/with unlimited access are declassé (for want to a better word!) - negligent, basically. It's this generation's equivalent of seeing your DCs' friends smoking weed on the way home from school: cigarettes (a phone) is one thing as we all remember trying to be cool but secretly hating the taste of it, weed (TikTok and Snapchat) is next level and means a rubicon was crossed some time ago.

Mine don't really game they do music practice, art, dance class, read, watch tv, and have some internet time mostly youtube.

Sports training twice a week gym twice.

My 13 yo ds does his homework, goes to youth club, or outside with friends. Goes to boxing 3 times a week. Screen time is limited 2hrs of phone and 1hr gaming. We also watch game shows together. He also likes to do things with his hair and spends a lot of time in the bathroom styling it 😁 Sometimes he might cook something easy if really bored.

DD14 plays football 3 evenings a week and dances or plays piano the other two. She doesn’t have time to scroll and she’s limited to an hour a day on her phone during the week.

Mine are 14 and 12, they finish school sports practise at 4:30pm, home by 5pm, have something to eat and do a bit of homework, and then off out to sports training (swimming / running / rugby). We’re usually back home by 8:30/9pm and they have something more to eat and go to bed. No time for scrolling or gaming, but even so they have a 1 hour limit on games on their phones and don’t have internet access or social media anyway. They tend to use that hour of games in the car going to / from school and training. On rare evenings in they’ll play the piano, listen to music, chuck a rugby ball about outside, jump on the trampoline (in the dark!), draw or do a bit of Lego-ing. Both also enjoy reading, so can never claim to be bored. The eldest isn’t bothered by gaming at all, but the youngest would love to play the Xbox any spare moment he gets (outside of sports which is his favourite thing), but he simply isn’t allowed - the Xbox is an occasional thing for a rainy weekend day IF we aren’t busy and can’t think of anything better to do!

Football twice a week. When it’s light in evenings maybe a bike ride with a friend. Other then that he might join us to watch something on tv but often it’s on call to friends or gaming

Such an interesting thread. This is a question I ask myself. I agree with @Keepoffmyartichokes . The list of my 13 year old boys activities is quite long (2 after school clubs, scouts, swimming, football matches and training) but the ratio of these activities to gaming/phone scrolling is still weighted towards the latter. Screens are a filler and a way of decompressing as well as connecting with friends remotely. I look for tv series we can enjoy as a family and we still have one book on the go as a family to push the ceiling on reading but it’s a battle. He also does all his homework so I can’t grumble about that.

Plays 2 sports for school and one of them with a club, sings in the school choir, does cadets so with homework, experimenting with make up and seeing friends and anything else school organises that tends to keep them out of mischief.

DS 17 - only child so I think that makes a difference, and our household is a busy one, we are rarely in, in the evenings so the poor kid has had to follow suit - morris dancing, orchestra / violin lesson, explorer scouts, DofE, practice for local am dram, indoor bowls, local brass band and then national orchestra practice . He also has to ram in huge amount of homework and he loves lego, jigsaws and reading. He didnt get a phone until last year as he simply wasnt interested. I get he is not the norm.

Going to the gym. Walking back from the gym incredibly slowly via all the shops and several friends houses. And currently lots of making flash cards for exam revision!

Youth group 2 nights a week
Hobby one night a week and all Saturday

Painting warhammer figures
Playing d & d
Reading
Learning and practicing hobby
Theatre/watching plays on phone
Reading but more graphic novels and fact books

If on phone they're usually making a new pinterest board etc full of some crap. Usually a d&d character or warhammer research 😂
Age 13 but doesn't use social media apart from Pinterest
No fb, Snapchat or tictok. Not because I've banned it, they're just not I terested at all

Have you set a limit on screen time? If not yet, that's the obvious way to help him regulate.

During the week life was busy - school homework, exam prep, music practice, sports clubs. It was difficult to fit in meals let alone time on devices.

Activities four weeknights out of five, starting straight after school with different finish times but never earlier than 6.30pm and sometimes as late as 9.00pm. The one day with no activities, she’ll usually go out for a coffee or an ice-cream with her grandmother, and then is just at home on her phone after that.