What else do your teens do in the evenings other than game or scroll?

[AnimalFarm1983]

Maybe I'm feeling a bit melancholy as the dark nights are here and it feels like the day ends at5pm. I have 2 boys, one almost 15 and one is 13. The older one is pretty good at self regulating and does different things like play darts, homework, reading or watching sports. The younger one however does nothing but game then stare at his phone. I'm aware this is normal but I also think this is not healthy or productive. I'm trying to remember what I did as a teen...me and my sister were close and usually listened to music, chatted and tidied our room while doing our hair that sort of thing. We did not game or have phones like we do now obviously. I'm 42. They do see friends but usually only at the weekends or holidays. They would happily play football in the park every afternoon during the summer but that's not an option now. I'm trying to go to my mum one evening a week to play a board game which they love but I'm often shattered myself. They also go to a youth club once a week. Just looking for suggestions really.

15yo does sea cadets twice a week which is for 2.5hrs each time then the other nights he’s at home and does a bit of homework, watches tv with us, gaming and watching YouTube. He swims on the weekend. He doesn’t have any social media (he’s not interested in it) so most of his ‘scrolling’ is more like reading about historical events or learning how to play chess better 🤣

Dc have little time to do the things you describe. They horse ride along with the associated chores of keeping a horse (understand that one is quite niche) but on nights off they hang out with friends, go to the gym or for a swim, head uptown to browse the shops and grab a drink from Starbucks or a bubble tea . They do still go to the park. Our tennis/basketball courts are floodlit - neither play but they watch friends and socialise. Dd 2 practices hair styles and they both try to squeeze in some homework and we watch the odd series together. They have a turn of cooking tea or washing up, help with household chores. Ages are 12 and 15

Why do you need to be involved with swimming? Most pools allow dc unaccompanied from 8/9 yo. Mine both go alone or I drop them off with a friend or 2 if feeling generous

Gym and cadets

Cook, help with school work, go to the gym 2/3 nights a week, watch a series on TV.

At that age
1 was swimming 3 x a week
They were all doing Scouts / Explorers
1 did climbing but also quite a lot of music (played 2 instruments then teaching self a 3rd)
At 15 all were being Young Leaders at Beavers / Cubs
1 did Musical Theatre
Managed homework around the days they had less time due to other activities

Structured sport.
Homework.
Going over lesson work to ensure it’s understood.
Chat to friends.
TV.

Volunteering, book club, piano, reading, HOURS in the bathroom, TV with dad (I hate the stuff they like), homework, pottering about room organizing and planning, texting with friends. Gadgets are put away at 7.30pm so I’m not really fussed about what they do between 7 and bed (which is 9/9.30 with a book, lights out by 10 normally although I don’t check or know, in fact).

17 Homework, scrolling, concerts, parties, lunches
17 Gym, martial arts, music ,scrolling, homework

My teens don’t have access to devices after dinner. They read/colour in/knit/play cards/play board games/listen to music/sit chatting with me/do homework. One plays fiddle, one the piano.

15 and 12 year old girls.

Eat dinner and watch tv with us, listen to music, practice instruments (15 mins and reluctantly!), homework / studying especially eldest. Just hanging around chatting.

They will go on their iPads and watch utter rubbish and sometimes play games online together.

At 13 they didn’t have much time for screens between school and bed. Time was taken up with after school sport / other clubs / homework / dinner / tv - though not always same thing together / reading / playing an instrument / listening to music. We always ate dinner together at the table with no tv or phones. Now they are at uni and still have a good balance of screen and non screen time.

OP screens are very habit forming and your DS has formed the habit. It’s a bit late in the day but try and have some rules about screen time, steer him to some more productive activities, have a family movie night with popcorn, get him to invite friends around, go to the park and kick a ball.

My daughter is almost 14. She does a lot of extra curricular stuff. Monday 90 minute screen acting drama class a 90 minute round trip away so takes up 3 hours, Tuesday pilates class, Wednesday 90 minutes hockey training another 90 minute round trip so takes 3 hours, Thursday drama straight after school and then pilates class, Friday swimming lesson, Saturday morning French lesson, Saturday afternoon hockey tournament, Sunday morning she coaches hockey for an hour then has her training for an hour and may also have a tournament Sunday afternoon. She is at a selective grammar school so also gets lots of homework. Not that she has much time left for screens, but her phone, tablet and laptop cut off at 8pm so no screens after then.

Pre-teen here:

Instrument practice
Swims once a week
Dance class
Riding lesson
Goes to indoor skating rink with friends
Reads
Art and craft
Experiments with nails and make up (and has a roughly 27 step skin care routine that puts mine to shame 😅)
Cycles
Walks dog
Board games

Read, kick boxing, gym and journal

Scouts/Explorers
Volunteering at the Beavers
Reading
watching Netflix with us
for a while Taekwondo

Scouts
Archery
Gym
Kickboxing
Many, many bands
Music practice
Homework

OP you probably feel really rubbish reading all of these replies! fwiw I don't know anyone whose teens are playing golf, riding horses or building lego in the evening.

My dc are 17 and 13. They do do their home work, but other than that would want to spend all evening on their phones or gaming. For my ds (17) he has self-regulated now and put his playstation downstairs.(it took him a few years to get to that stage though...)

My dd spends a lot of time facetiming her friends and listening to music. I do make sure they have a family dinner with me and one of them has to cook when I'm at work (and the other tidies the kitchen after dinner) so we spend a bit of time together every evening. That often extends into a longer chat. But other than that ....

Home work!

but you obviously need to set limits on the time phone use. They are designed to be addictive and it’s not fair to expect a young person to be able to resist the temptation.

OP I agree with only a couple of the posts very few teens are knitting and baking on a night. My DS is 13 he does homework, has footy training one night and he may have a friend round for a couple of hours but he is usually on his phone or gaming online. Some on here have said about going to the park for a kick about which they may do but they can't when it's dark so what can they do. I watch more TV on winter I think most of us do. Don't feel bad

There’s a relatively easy solution to this. You ban screens after a certain time.

i have two DD’s, youngest (11) doesn’t have a phone but does use YouTube / TV / scratch coding a lot, 7pm is the shut off and I often say to her she has to come off it and read / do something else. She is never ‘scrolling’. She uses it to look for inspiration etc. however she does watch a fair bit of TV, not silly amounts though because again I say no.

DD1 is 14 and has had a phone since year 7. She has access to it until 8pm when it shuts down and goes in the kitchen to charge. She has no apps at all, just messaging and FaceTime, not even WhatsApp. She video calls her friends (a lot!), she reads a lot, she draws a lot. At the weekends she watches TV (doesn’t in the week, her decision). In the holidays she also plays Minecraft / games. We have tried to model the idea that screen time is ok if it’s moderated and if you’re using it wisely. It wasn’t so easy in early teens but now at 14 she regulates this very well and I think it’s because we’ve always explained to her why it matters and been quite strict. On long car journeys etc screen time is unlimited. That’s fine. We all know there’s a time and place for it. She also has hobbies etc which are non screen based eg drama club, piano etc. this helps as she’s out 3 evenings a week.

I think as others say you have to be strict with this. They can’t self regulate certainly not until a bit older!

Dd15 has a huge streaming habit!
but she dabbles at random things. At the moment, now it’s cold and dark, she will:

• watch tv with me and chat over the top of it (usually a history or science documentary, bake-off, Race Across the World or a quiz show)
• play chess or cards with me - she enjoys these a lot more now she is older
• occasionally board games
• Art whilst listening to Spotify
• play piano (she is self-taught)
• spend time with her pets
• selling clothes on Vinted (very time consuming but she keeps the profit so she is content!)
• martial arts practice (she does 3 hours of classes a week + practice)
• DofE stuff

Selling clothes on Vinted is a really good one, teaches them all sorts of skills.

In the summer she will usually water the garden for me, have a water fight with her younger sibling, go for a long bike ride with or without a friend, spend even more time with her pets outside.

Reading is a rarity but sometimes she’ll pick up a Stephen King novel.

Novelty works for us! Anything by new and random and crafty. So it could be making Christmas tree decorations, learning how to make mincemeat and pastry for home-made mince pies, jam-making. Or it could be a Lego challenge (build a tree house or a rollercoaster with regular Lego) or a jigsaw I snapped up in a charity shop.

My dc do sports 5/6 times a week, including 3 weekday evenings so they don’t have loads of time for screens, other than maybe 30mins.

Come back in 7 years.
I think all preteens did some or most of the things on this list, the issue is as they get more independent and less interested in craft or drop some hobbies (all normal), it can be hard to steer them away from their phones and gaming.

Mine does all that. There are still a lot of hours left to doom scroll and game.