What age to stop cousin sleepovers?

[SunnySideDeepDown]

Well, not stop the sleepovers in their entirety but what age would you stop the mixed-gender sleepovers in the same room with cousins who are close and enjoy each others company?

How old is the eldest when you’d stop it, assuming they all still want to sleep in the same room?

How would you phrase it to the parents without causing tension?

FWIW - we have 6 cousins from two families who have a few sleepover a year.

They wouldn't have started.

Our DC had a couple of sleepovers with Godchildren (no cousins). Probs 4 to 7 - five/six dc.

I am not sure I would?

Our kids have loads of cousins sleepovers and range from 16 down to 7 across both sexes.

They sometimes split into younger and older or girls and boys or siblings for sleeping arrangements but this is based on available space and plans.

I would be entirely guided by the dc tbh.

Can I ask why it matters if my kids have sleepovers with their cousins vs godchildren?

About age 7 as they have more awareness of their bodies and need some privacy

Interesting question. I've not thought about it from a parenting side. When I was a kid, if we stayed at my aunts house I slept in the same room as my make cousin well into my teens. It didn't really occur to us not to I think. Just gave each other privacy to get changed etc.

If there are multiple kids then I probably wouldn't worry about it too much. No one is likely to get up to much with several other kids around.

I’d be laid back at any age if several of them sharing together, rather than just 2 of them.

This year, my DS - nearly 6 - and his female cousin, 4.5, shared a room on holiday. They were in bunk beds and loved having a sleepover. I’m not sure at what point it will become inappropriate, I can definitely see it happening again next year.

When the DC tell you they're bothered, that's the age you stop.

We’ve been guided by the dc tbh. We have 4 dc who are close in age span to 5 cousins (2 different families - my oldest same age as oldest cousin, my youngest same age as youngest cousin iyswim))

Youngest pairing are both 16 and still choose to share a room (opposite sexes). Next pair up are both 18 (same sex) and also choose to share.

Older DC/cousins prefer to not share regardless of sex - but usually have partners in tow now.

We give options to not share to all of them but my DC are generally happy to bunk up together if needed.

I wouldn’t stop it.

If they stop it fine but I wouldn’t. Mine are very close with thier cousins and the ages range from 11 - 20 and they all hang out together and share space awake or asleep, on holiday and festivals and all that.

Christmas I’d imagine they’d all be in the same room, three of the middle age girls are very close so will probably bunk up, last year all nine of them were in the same room for new year , they didn’t raise any problems with it.

Probably when the eldest is 10 ish? I'd still encourage fun but would make a cosy boys room decked out with snacks and games and a cosy girls room with snacks and makeup. I have 5DC and they have a mixture of cousins so this will be our reality soon and we have no concerns but would love for the boys to bond and the girls to bond separately as they get older.

It's the same principle. I'm the onky child of two only children. DH's sisters live abroad (other side of the world). Therefore cousins don't feature. Our DC are as close to our godchildren as they are to cousins. Also DH has 13 cousins. He couldn't really give a FF about them

Ours never stopped, boy girl cousins very close and it never dawned on me to have a problem with it. Am the parent to both boy and girl, see no issues with either being close to cousins. They are in teens and 20’s now and still very close.

Yea but the way you said it was if mixed sex (or maybe all) sleepovers with children of that age are inappropriate so you'd never do them.

In relation to the OP, of course you teach your children bodily autonomy in age appropriate language throughout their lives. We do that because unfortunately anyone can violate their consent and exploit and abuse them.

With that in mind, I think that by the time children are old enough to perhaps think of consensual exploration with peers (of the opposite sex or otherwise), relatives will be off limits, in the same way they are for most people.

That said, I assume that the children have access to privacy for dressing and the like and they will just be sharing a sleeping area.

this. Although definitely by puberty.

That sounds far too intense for my practical mind.

By seven(ish) children need privacy, related or not. I wouldn't do mixed sleepovers afywr that. Boys in the boys room, girls in the gorls room.

Games versus make up?

I'd rather be in the boys room

Errr...what? Aged 10, I'd have much preferred the games to the makeup!
Meanwhile, at that age, my brother loved a makeover!

We have close family friends who just asked to start splitting them by sex at age 10. They said the advice they'd been given from school was explicitly to split them up way before anyone gets uncomfortable enough to have to ask. It's not a child's responsibility to drive it.

It was actually earlier than we'd anticipated but of course we respected their decision and stopped other mixed sex sleepovers at the same time. Easy. The kids still had hours together romping around through the evening, they just split differently at lights out.

I don't think cousins are any different to close family friends for these purposes.

It wouldn't occur to me to stop them. I'd trust them.

If there’s a group of them, I’d see no reason to stop it unless they wanted to. We use to have us all sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags, on the sofas and sofa beds. Sometimes up to 12 of us across the living room and it brings back the best memories of mischief!

What if you don't have two rooms? What if the kids of the same sex do the things youd not want the opposite sex kids to do?

Yes I was just going to comment on this!

I find this really sad.

Sexual stereotyping still routinely taught in the home.

I'd just be guided by them.

I wouldn't put an early teen girl and boy together in a room, but if there were a whole bunch of different ages it wouldn't bother me unless it bothered one of them