If you had to say what the worst thing your cheating ex did ...what was it?

[wontonn]

Mine had an affair with a friend. She and her husband used to socialise with us. When I look back I see all the toilet trips they had in restaurants etc. How did I not see it? I hate the fact that they took me for a fool and carried it out in front of both of the spouses. Did it give them an extra thrill?

When I mentioned my concerns he was cheating, he said I was getting dementia 'like your mother had'. 🤨

Towards dc, abandoned them.
Towards me, brought affair partner to our house while I was upstairs, in bed (pregnant and ill).

Said at the very end, when I found out, that it was because sex with me was poor so he needed someone else. No need to kick me further and made me anxious about sex with a new partner, who assured me all was fine!

I know this sound lame but (apart from all the other obvious things) I found his complete refusal to acknowledge my hurt so very painful. If I had been unfaithful to him, I would've felt sorry for the man I'd shared 26 years of my life with. I would've felt guilt, shame and sorrow. Instead, he called me every vile name under the sun with such venom. We'd had a good life together. I loved him dearly and supported him through so much. He had no need to be so unkind to me.

To me - emailing a woman in graphic detail about their night together. Then telling me a few years later that that time didn't count as cheating as it was only oral (he physically cheated with 3 women I know of, was probably closer to 10.. he also emailed and messaged loads of women, sending photos and videos bsck and forth). Also telling me he'd never cheat on his current GF as in his words "have you seen her? She's amazing".
To my kids - destroying their world and kicking them out of their home all for sex.

Not lame at all. I feel the same. I was a good partner, supportive and allowed him so much success at work, whilst putting my career on hold. And I forgave his first bloody 2 affairs!! The things he said in mediation to me when we divorced, I will never ever forget. He was utterly vile to me.

Leaving me at home alone with two under two whilst miscarrying what I thought was a much wanted 3rd baby. He said he was going to an NA convention - turns out he took the OW to Amsterdam for a long weekend.

It wasn’t the cheating. It was the fact he was gay and knew he was gay. He cheated on me with countless men and some women. His reasoning for marrying me when he knew was gay that he wanted kids and could never have kids if he married a man. I was his egg donor that carried his kids. He ironically likes the dad badge but parents 3 times a year for a couple of hours. His kids now want nothing to do with him as he’s a stranger.he left me pregnant with our 3rd child because he achieved the 3 children he wanted. He wasn’t happy that I stated he was gay either on the divorce papers but that was why we were separated.

My ex was prepared to see me and his children homeless. He refused to release money to my lawyer for my mortgage (money I was due). My lawyer had his measure and arranged for me to have a bridging loan to enable me to move into my house. The bastard actually phoned me in the evening, smug as anything, asking where we were staying. He was raging when I told him I was quite comfortable thank you.

During lockdown he was living in another city. For work for about 8 months. Insisted on renting a very swanky Barbican flat. He was shagging a 24 year old Irish girl whilst I homeschooled our four kids and looked after his recently bereaved father for four months.

During this time, he screamed at me down the telephone that I was a fat bitch and he did not want to speak to me for three weeks. Out of the blue. It was so utterly bizarre. Presumably he didn’t want to speak or me so that he could have his fuckfest in peace without reminder that he had a wife. He did however call the DCs every day circa 5pm.

I was in a state of shock for ages. Probably still am disbelieving. He told me all about it when we split up. With glee. He’s a proper nasty spiteful piece of work. This is only an smal part of his abuse. And he’s totally got away with it all.

The cruelty on this thread is astounding. Truly appalling.

I’ve got a lighthearted one for you. The most unbelievable thing an ex ever did was to manage to invite both me and the other woman he was seeing as a date to the same event. This wasn’t a long term serious relationship, more a friend who I’d been seeing for several months at that point.

He was going to an event with his brother and brother’s partner and had invited me. But then 15 minutes in, this woman showed up clearly expecting she was on a date with him. I think he must have invited us both and then forgot. So there we were. 😂

It was the sort of event I might have been at anyway and I also knew his brother, so I don’t really know if the brother clocked on to what was happening. But I spent the next 2 hours chatting away to this woman as she told me all the stories of their first few dates and how he was exactly the sort of man her granny was hoping she’d find, while he stood by sipping wine and looking like he wished the floor would open up and swallow him.

And then it turns out they had plans for dinner after and his brother so kindly invited me along. I was having such a great time making him uncomfortable that I gladly accepted and by then Rachel and I were besties anyway, so I trotted along as the 5th wheel on their double date. 😂 I cannot even tell you how furious I was, but the whole painful night was strangely satisfying. I bid them good night after dinner and he had to walk her back to the train. I got a message 15 minutes later to say sorry, can I still come stay the night tonight?

Um, no. 🤣 I was so so mad at the time, but it’s quite funny now.

It's hard to narrow it down and do justice to the supreme twatness that was my ex. Because this is more about cheating than other abuse, I'll take for my example the time when he was having an affair with my 'friend' just as I was pregnant/giving birth to our third child. I discovered the affair a few weeks after giving birth so it rather ruined the whole motherhood joy for me.

At the time I had 3 children under 4, no job, nowhere to go, so I had to 'forgive' him at the time. However, I neither forgave nor forgot, dear reader. Took me many years but I eventually got rid of him. He was so surprised when I told him it was over, I was like 'after everything you have done, you still think I wanted you around??

My cheating exh stopped paying CMS at end of October just so I couldn't get many nice things for kids for Xmas. He wanted to be seen as super daddy gifting the kids all the nicest presents. I have never forgotten or forgiven him.

It's the beating they give to your mental health to justify their own wrong ways too. It's inexcusable.

OW was a sort of friend, we ended up going to a massive outdoor concert as a 4 (with another male friend). I went to the loo after the supporting act and male friend came along to check I was ok. We left ex and ow standing near a big screen so we knew we could find them. Ex and OW deliberately moved so we couldnt find them and I spent the rest of the concert feeling bad that I’d “lost” Ex. ETA lot of other “little” gaslighting things like this too as well as comments from ow that i now realise we’re in jokes with ex at my expense. I actually think no longer having me to bitch about (because I totally grey rocked) was probably what made their relationship so rocky after I left ex.

I finally got up the courage to leave after he cheated repeatedly. He stayed with the woman he was shagging at the end of our relationship.
He never forgave me for leaving him. I moved on and remarried. He took every opportunity to alienate our daughter from me, and for much of her childhood he succeeded. For years he made my life hell in so many ways.
Dh and I decided to adopt. As a significant ex SS needed to interview him. He told them I had tried to stab him whilst I was holding our newborn. Lots of other stuff, all untrue. His affair partner backed him as did his teenage children despite none of them ever having a conversation with me. Fortunately, although at the time I was estranged from our child (due to his parental alienation) she didn't support his lies.
20 years on our dd is now an adult with her own family and has nothing to do with him or his family (something that makes me very sad for her but she feels she is happier without him in her life)
SS returned to interview my ex and his partner but took along an expert in reading body language. Long story short, the adoption went ahead.
I have a great life with my dh and two beautiful daughters.
Ex is still with her but all the evidence points to it being a very unhappy relationship. It's now nearly 40 years since we split and he is still badmouthing me to anyone who will listen. I actually feel really sorry for his wife, it must hurt that he's still so obsessed with me 🤣

Had an affair:

1. With my friend.
2. Who I worked in the same office with.
3. Went on my holiday with her (I didn't go, because we weren't getting on - OBVIOUSLY because the affair was happening but I didn't know this at the time).
4. Allowed me to find out what had happened AT WORK when they returned.

I should have known. Had 2 affairs (not with me) during their marriage.

Cheaters gonna cheat.

Some awful things to read , some of you have really been through it, sending positive healing 🙏

Convinced me to have a termination said he wasn’t ready etc meanwhile the girl he was cheating on me with was 14 weeks pregnant with his child. I found out when she messaged me telling me so and accused me of being the other woman despite us having been together for 2.5 years and them only 4 months.

It’s so horrible that it’s outing. And the hurts were just endless and I feel such a fool for ever believing him. And of course, when I finally realized that I had to leave, I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to - I was seriously and permanently ill and raised by grandparents who both died by 2021; and when they died, I discovered my abusive father had changed their will so he inherited close to a million pounds, which he wasted in just three years, and I got nothing. If I was guaranteed an afterlife of just being with my grandparents, I would want it to start tomorrow (I am not overly suicidal, and do not need the MN “resources” for it, but it has been so horrible for so long without them. I’m only human, and I’m so sick and I just want my gran to read me Winnie the Pooh and for it to stop hurting).

What is it with the friend thing? I suppose it's the same convenience as the work colleague.

Yeah similar. He completely rewrote our 25 year marriage where I had supported him emotionally and financially through all sorts of shit mostly created by him, and certainly never cheated. It turned out he had, a number of times. He was vile verbally while we were breaking up, I got quite ill because of it.

So sorry it happened to you too. Yes, it made me ill and actually doubt my sanity. I think it's quite common for men to do this. They're deflecting their guilt I guess. If they paint us as "the bitch from hell" it makes it easier for them. Whereas I'm pretty sure most women would have some sympathy for the partner they were shitting on.

Probably worse happened than this but he went back home to see his ill dad and instead spent the night with another girl who he had been seeing for pretty much all of our relationship (this was three years in). Before he returned the other woman messaged me, he had been telling her all sorts of lies and he had played her similarly to me. He filmed her giving him a blow job and she sent me it as proof. I forwarded it to his mother.