Working/middle class Christmas presents difference

[Frustratedandpissedoff]

Something I have quietly observed over the years re Christmas presents for children. Children of unemployed or working class presents tended to receive lots of expensive flashy gifts which had their parents paying off credit card debt later on. Middle class children tended to receive maybe one big present at Christmas or were gifted cash and encouraged to save up for a big thing that they really wanted.
I didn't realise anyone else noticed this until some colleagues began discussing it today. Obviously this does not apply to everybody, but seems to be a common theme? Interested to hear people's thoughts.

I was born in the early 2000s and my mum used to put satsumas in my stocking every year just carrying on the tradition. Even though they’re available year round I find them dry and white when they’re not in proper season tbh

After a comment like that I’d have made a mental note that this person wasn’t my cup of tea and to give her a swerve. I honestly don’t know who people think they are.

It's interesting OP because I was thinking of donating to the Dunelm Delivering Joy tree, or maybe to another local charity which is busy advertising that a quarter of families in my city can't afford Christmas gifts.

Thanks to you I've realised these are actually the truly wealthy families, who will have a better, more sophisticated Christmas than most.

And if they don't like it they should go for a bracing walk and stick some bits of hedge up in their temporary accommodation.

Well said.

😁

I like to gift DGC experiences like an annual zoo or sea life centre pass and one set of Lego and a few bits of clothes. Because both me and exh and sil's parents both remarried DGC have 4 sets of gp's so we all check with their parents what they might like/need rather than buy 4 load of toys for each DC.

I had a Ukrainian living with me for a while with her primary aged kid. Kid was invited to a birthday party, low key, but village hall, just food, home made disco and bouncy castle. Ukrainian mum was positively offended that the party was so bad and had so little on offer. She went on about how bad it was compared to what Ukrainian kids get for ages. She did also buy her kid loads every week. She didn't work, just had full benefits but this gave her quite a bit of spare money. She never said anything but I always felt quiet judgement from her about how little my kids got in comparison.

It’s a pattern I’ve noticed before too, although obviously doesn’t apply to everyone, but I think it’s because people are coming from two very different places.

If you are well off, your kids are in private school, you can afford to go skiing for new year etc your main concern is trying to ensure that your children don’t grow up too spoilt. So, it’s a clear decision to limit what you buy to eg one big present and a stocking. So that they don’t end up with too much or every single thing they ask for. Decisions are limited by choice rather than circumstances.

If you’re scraping by, claiming uc, saving every month for Christmas then you’re not worried that your kid is going to end up spoilt. Instead you’re trying to protect them from the worst bits of growing up in poverty. Decisions are limited by circumstances and parents are trying to get the best possible gifts for the amount they can afford.

I dont know about class or debt.

but my view is every day is christmas day for some families. Lots of tasty food, treats like going to the cinema or theatre or out to dinner all year round, several holidays a year, new clothes whenever you need, books, outings, hot chocolates etc..

i also think some people that live like that do a very low key christmas

and some of those can be a bit judgy of people who have a meagre year, but got deals etc to have a good day

We are very middle class and I can’t say I’ve ever been to anyone else’s for Christmas, but yes, I’d say our Christmas is simple. Our dc get nice gifts, but it’s not ridiculous or flash. Actually the biggest thing in our house is the stocking. We do go a bit wild with stockings, not expensive but over the top silly.

We can afford to buy our dc nice things if we want. We don’t need to prove it. But they are well aware that they are fortunate and it doesn’t do them any good to have more and more ‘stuff’. Stuff isn’t what Christmas is about. Neither Dh nor I had the happiest childhoods. Even though they were comfortable. Fun and family time and building traditions are all much more important than presents. I can’t remember a single Christmas present I got as a child. But I do remember how Christmas felt, and that’s what I’m aiming for.

Whilst I think all the class stuff on MN is tiring and repetitive, I think there is some truth that people who have been bought up very poor themselves can go overboard to give their own DC all the things they missed out on in their own upbringing.

@SouthLondonMum22 I've witnessed it a few times I've heard a dreadful sanctimonious cousin say " our children appreciate their Christmas gifts because they get two from us and under 50 each we don't want to spoil them or have them forget what Christmas is about

Backstory family has three homes, huge house company rents in Malaysia holiday home Thailand , and UK.
Each one a pool with every inflatable known to men ,apple universe watches 🥑 phones I pads nursery and play rooms stuffed with toys and so on .

My in laws also practise restraint at Xmas and go to extremes to cut every penny.
My Df went all out at Xmas nice plentiful food and treats and decorations .

It's like wealrhy pils hold back.

Isn’t this this true for all aspects of parenting though?

A friend of mine had a paper round growing up. She was adamant her own child would never have a job until he left uni and stayed true to her word.

Another friend of mine was the eldest child and was often asked to look after her two younger siblings growing up. She was determined her older child would never be asked to do this.

And another friend had a number of chores to do growing up. She won’t ask her own kids to even make their own beds.

Manu of us are determined to do things differently to how we were raised ourselves It’s not always right and it’s not always wrong to do this.

I know from observing DH side of the family( working class) to my side of the family (middle class). Christmas presents on their side were given in obscene amounts. Kids ripped them open with little thought as to who they were from. There seemed to be a large degree of over compensation going on. My side presents much fewer, took turns opening and made sure we kept a list to thank people later. Is it about class? Not sure.

Shocking. Honestly, the oneupmanship in this Instagram age is off the charts. No one can be seen to be shitting out. The competition is so fierce it’s actually laughable because most of it’s all smoke and mirrors x