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Original poster

Tell me this will pass

39 replies

StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 18:47

Took half term off as unpaid parental leave - spent second half of it in bed with flu which has now apparently turned into a stomach bug. Was meant to be unpacking - moved house three weeks ago and eldest is so unhappy about it (ND teen struggling in many ways). I just want my old home and my lovely positive late DH right now. Please someone tell me things will improve!

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Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 18:47

Had a few dry crackers but they made me feel worse 😭

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Buzzer3555 · 03/11/2025 18:52

You are right, this will pass. You have had a lot to deal with so it's OK to feel down. Be good to yourself, sending hugs

Echobelly · 03/11/2025 18:55

What sucky timing! But obviously you won't be ill for more than a few days and once you unpack and make yourself more comfortable, things will seem so much better.

Sometimes it's just little things that helped... when we first moved here there was one light shade in the bedroom we were in that I hated, it was so dingy and sludge coloured. I bought a fresh shade with bright colours and it made me so much happier straight away. Look for that kind of small win to help you adjust.

Once you're feeling better is there any way to treat your eldest to cheer them up a bit and make them feel more 'at home'? Favourite takeaway, or watching a film together with some popcorn for example?

Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 19:10

Thank you both xx can’t stop crying

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Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 19:11

Already hosted two sleepovers in first two weeks since moving in so really have been trying

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CosySeason · 03/11/2025 19:11

Give yourself a break it will be making you feel worse worrying about the house.

Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 19:12

Anniversary of DH’s death coming up too. He’d have loved this house and was so handy. I’m really not

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Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 19:13

It’s been an awful year tbh

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Terrytheweasel · 03/11/2025 19:14

StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 19:11

Already hosted two sleepovers in first two weeks since moving in so really have been trying

This is really heartbreaking to read - you’re all having such a hard time at the moment.
I wish you better very soon 💐

Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 19:20

I have my DC having dinner at one friends’ house and another lovely friend about to check on me. So thankful for these friends

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Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 19:20

I hate asking for help but needs must

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October2025 · 03/11/2025 19:22

Definitely the small things I find. Not knowing where my phone cable is not having easy access to my comfortable lounge socks etc all really small things but make a big difference.

Notonthestairs · 03/11/2025 19:22

Oh my goodness, you’ve had a really difficult run of things. I’m really sorry for the loss of your husband.

For the immediate future just rest. Don’t try to skip ahead thinking of what needs doing. Or how you can make it easier for your child etc. You need to recover - it will look different when you’ve had time to feel better.

I have a child with severe learning difficulties. I always want to smooth the path for them. But in reality sometimes I just can’t fix everything. Or I can’t fix it immediately. It’s as much my problem as theirs but it’s important to accept a bit of discomfort (provided they are safe).

I hope you’ll both be very happy in your new home. You just need time.

CrowMate · 03/11/2025 19:23

Gosh that sounds gruelling. I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time.
If there’s one thing I can absolutely tell you, without doubt, is that this will pass.
In the meantime, please lean on those around you. I’d want any of my friends going through this )and feeling so poorly) to take all the help I could give.

Much love and good vibes to you all.

MarxistMags · 03/11/2025 19:25

@StJulian2023 you are doing remarkably well OP
First of all, my condolences to you. Anniversaries are not easy and with all you have done and still have to do, it must feel very daunting .
Something tells me you will get through this, you sound as though in normal circumstances you would be done. I hope you have friends and family who are helping you. Get well soon and good luck for the future.

Aknifewith16blades · 03/11/2025 19:39

Flu alone is enough to get anyone down, let alone all the rest of it.

It will get better. You sound like a lovely family.

Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 20:25

Thank you xx your comments are all so thoughtful. My two will be home shortly and there will be a hug from DD if not DS (they’ve both had it too!)

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CherryChocolates · 03/11/2025 20:28

StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 19:20

I hate asking for help but needs must

Your friends are probably glad that there is something concrete that they can do for you.

Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 20:32

It would take several pages to cover everything that’s gone wrong this year! So I’ll resist. So hoping this is the lowest bit

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CountryGirlInTheCity · 03/11/2025 20:48

Oh goodness what an awful time you’re having. I’m not surprised you’re crying…you probably need a good old weep. It’s horrible feeling so ill (I remember crying when I had flu a few years ago because I felt so awful) without the upheaval that you have had.

It will get better in time. My dad died when my sister and I were teenagers and I remember how hard it was for us all, particularly for the first couple of years. The grinding, debilitating pain that actually feels physical softens after a while I promise and the missing them also becomes more ‘gentle’ and easier to cope with. But it does take time.

Once you have recovered from this bug, you can start to put your home to rights but there’s no rush. Just do a room at a time and be very, very kind to yourself. It’s great to hear that you have good friends. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, they will be only too glad to do that for you. A dear friend lost her DH a few years ago. Her other friends and I were ready to drop everything if she asked for something because we were longing to help but didn’t want to impose on her if she needed space.

Sending love….keep posting for support if you need it.

Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 20:50

Thank you xx tbh he died when DC were 5 and 7 and they’re now 14 and 16 but struggling after an awful year (eldest a real challenge)

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CountryGirlInTheCity · 03/11/2025 21:24

StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 20:50

Thank you xx tbh he died when DC were 5 and 7 and they’re now 14 and 16 but struggling after an awful year (eldest a real challenge)

And you’re hanging in there…well done. Sometimes it’s a case of putting one foot in front of the other until the current phase has passed. Eldest won’t be challenging forever, some kids make heavy work of the teen years (I wondered if I’d ever get my lovely DD back but she did eventually grow out of the shocking moods!) but they get there in the end.

Hugs for you. X

Original poster
StJulian2023 · 03/11/2025 21:44
Flowers
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crappycrapcrap · 03/11/2025 21:47

Sounds incredibly tough. As soon as illness eases you will feel brighter. It will be ok and you’ll make a lovely home. Right now keep warm, accept you just need to rest and drink something comforting like camomile tea.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 03/11/2025 21:52

That awful hopeless feeling is a common symptom of flu. Everything will feel insurmountable until you start to physically recover. Then you'll find that things are a little easier to cope with. Hang in there and grab all the help your lovely friends are offering x