Mid 50s contentment

[Roseshoe]

After coming through some really rough years full of family bereavements, family mental health issues, perimenopause and toxic job, I’ve reached a curiously calm place. It might not last, of course. But I have friends, a decent job, enough money, some hobbies, grown up children. I’m even sleeping well! Is this usual for mid-50s? Some of my friends seem distressed about ageing, but I’m just having a good time!

This is certainly my experience and I agree with PP who said 60s are even better.

The contentment of having been through a lot and survived. The peace of having sorted out 'stuff' in your head, found what works for you, having put aside things that don't work and taking real pleasure in the little things of life. The comfort of friends and family (and pets) who are old and golden. Also having lost people, often some far too young, you realise what a privilege it is to still be here.

Things don't have to be perfect and you don't have to have made it big or made a fortune. The wrinkles don't matter and that sexy but rotten bloke can get to fuck. You're just glad to be you and to fully inhabit yourself.

I always quote this poem on here, but it really sums it up.

The Orange

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave
They got quarters and I had a half.
And that orange, it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park.
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.
The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all the jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.

— Wendy Cope

My parents are dead. Only MIL in care left so few responsibilities there. The emptying and clearing of parental houses is all done. One Dc at uni, the other in a grad job and self sufficient. Very comfortable financially. Retiring next year with DH at 55. Life looks good.

That is such a lovely poem.

This is very encouraging. I'm glad there is hope, and thanks for sharing.

I'm fifty, perimenopausal and I've had an absolutely shitty few months with a really painful break up and some other stuff. Contentment is all I seek! The anxiety and loneliness have been all consuming, and I'm struggling to find any optimism at all. The last few days I have felt a little - very little - bit lighter though.

Just want someone to share it with, but the stories I read about men on here mean I just can't be arsed to go through it again.

Early 50’s and life is good, kids left home, remarried, house paid off and working out when I can quit working for good

I’m 55
been though a tough couple of years with caring for parents then going through grief when we lost 3 in 6 months and my menopause has been hell.
coming out the other side now - I’m 5 stone down, got a great job, kids and grandkids all happy. Got a lovely small circle of friends and beginning to relax and enjoy

Lots of heartwarming stories here 🙂thanks for sharing. There’s so much to be said for contentment. 💐for those currently navigating stormy seas. Good maps and waterproofs are essential! Hopefully you’ll be in calmer waters soon.

51 and the happiest I've ever been. I know it can all change so I'm really grateful and making the most of it!

I’m mid 40s and feel this way but I don’t have children so I expect that helps a lot.

Lovely stories on here.

And I love Wendy Cope

Me too. Happy as Larry!

Parents died years ago, single for years and child-free. High paying job, own home, sassy cat. 😄

The only thing I'd like is more friends in my situation. The ones I have dont earn much so dont often go out and they have mental health issues too.

I sometimes think about ageing (mainly when i bend over and see that my stomach looks like a Shar Pai) and I'm losing muscle mass and fat so have a kind of witchy look about me now but I generally dont give a shit.

@Devastated999 dread is a classic menopause symptom. Get thee on HRT.

I love this one

Being Boring
by Wendy Cope

‘May you live in interesting times.’ –Chinese curse

If you ask me ‘What’s new?’, I have nothing to say
Except that the garden is growing.
I had a slight cold but it’s better today.
I’m content with the way things are going.
Yes, he is the same as he usually is,
Still eating and sleeping and snoring.
I get on with my work. He gets on with his.
I know this is all very boring.

There was drama enough in my turbulent past:
Tears and passion–I’ve used up a tankful.
No news is good news, and long may it last.
If nothing much happens, I’m thankful.
A happier cabbage you never did see,
My vegetable spirits are soaring.
If you’re after excitement, steer well clear of me.
I want to go on being boring.

I don’t go to parties. Well, what are they for,
If you don’t need to find a new lover?
You drink and you listen and drink a bit more
And you take the next day to recover.
Someone to stay home with was all my desire
And, now that I’ve found a safe mooring,
I’ve just one ambition in life: I aspire
To go on and on being boring.

I feel that way. I had a tough time in my late 30’s, lost both parents.

I had a tough 30s and 40s, I’m enjoying my 50s being less turbulent and have money, a decent partner, my health…some friends. I know enough to know that for me right now that’s enough and good.

I’m in the midst of shit in my 40’s. Young adult children stress. Elderly parent stress. Perimenopause. No time or energy to do anything for myself, I exist purely to serve others and no one cares about me. If I died they would miss what I do but not me.

This thread has given me hope my fifties will bring some happiness.

I feel the same at 52. Content and really don’t get worked up about much these days. I don’t think I’m at menopause yet as I’m still bleeding but I’m definitely at a much softer end of peri than I was in mid/late forties.

I'm 53 and this has been my favourite decade so far. Older DD at uni, younger DD still at school, but I love having her around. No money worries. The main reason for my happiness though is almost the opposite of some of yours - it's that I've finally found a job I love. For years, I did jobs I actively hated or, at best, was meh about. And I always felt like I'd missed my calling in life, but never knew what my calling was. But I have actually found it (it's a techy data/software engineering job, so sounds really boring to anyone else). Rather than retiring, I want to keep working for as long as possible.
Like another PP though, I struggle to keep my weight down more than I used to - I can do it, but I feel permanently starving in a way I never used to before, but I definitely can't be "starving" because my weight stays the same.
And I do sometimes have the odd day where I brood on a couple of regrets - the first is wishing we'd had a 3rd child - in hindsight we did have the time and the money, and I also regret not moving to a bigger house - looking at the healthy savings we have now, we could easily have gone for the bigger house, but just don't need it now, definitely would have been useful when kids were younger.

Why did you retire so young?

This was me till a few months ago, late 50s, although my DCs aren't fully independent yet (one at uni and one will always need some support due to SN and is at home). Then the elderly parent stuff kicked in big time and I think we've got years of it ahead of us now. Neither of us wanted to retire till
well into our 60s as we love our jobs although financially we could now but we are feeling very stretched indeed all of a sudden.

What a great bloody thread.

Thanks op

I really needed this post today. My anxiety and low moods are terrible right now. I'm 49. Am also dealing with both my father and sister being terminally ill. My sister has cut herself off from every one and relocated so we don't know where she lives. She has end stage liver failure and is an alcoholic. My mother is not coping well and everything is on my shoulders. I have teenage children which are growing up way too fast. My sleep is out the window and I just feel constantly on edge over pretty much everything. I keep wondering whether this is my life now. So good to hear that it does potentially get better.

Good for you! I’m older than you but really happy too. Great marriage, happy adult kids, good job, enough money, what’s not to like?

Loved my fifties. I’m now 59 though, and my health has gone to shit this last year. The thought of this being it for the rest of my life is making me feel desperate.

Hopefully, it can be sorted 🤞.

In theory, I should be in the depths of depression. I was widowed last year (lost my DH to suicide), I’m right in the middle of the menopause, my Dad has dementia, I’ve had to clear my Uncle’s hoarder house when he moved into a care home and I’m shortly to become an empty nester when my youngest leaves home for uni next sSept. I had to take a career break from work to deal with it all.

in reality, I’ve started a new (lovely) relationship, I have a clear plan for the next stage of my life, I’ve picked myself up and I feel I’ve now got a fair bit to look forward to. Dare I say it … I’m quite happy now. I feel VERY guilty writing that.