Long-haul family funeral - leaving teens at home?

[FarAwayFuneral]

Bracing myself possibly for a flaming, but genuinely canvassing for opinions. Will try to include as much relevant info as possible.

Situation is:

In my country of origin which is very far away, my grandmother is in hospital and has been put on an end of life pathway (or whatever it is called, I don't know the correct term). According to my parents, doctors are saying DGM has only weeks left at most.

DGM practically brought me up and we were very close when I was a child. So if there were no caring considerations, I would very much want to attend her funeral.

Twin DC are 16 (nearly 17), very responsible and mature, e.g. get themselves to college, organise own homework and studies, able to do food shopping and cook proper meals as they have weekly cooking duty.

DH is about to depart for a long-planned month-long work trip in another very distant country.

Question is:

WWYD? DH and I both think that DC will cope perfectly well at home if I have to leave them for a short period to attend DGM's funeral. They've had single nights at home without any problems, but that was with at least one of us still in the country. (We haven't raised the possibility with DC yet, because we don't know when she'll pass, so the funeral might not be until after DH gets home.)

But that’s based on your children’s personalities presumably?

I could absolutely 100%, cast iron guarantee that my 16yo kids wouldnt have a party while I was away at a funeral.

I understand that not everyone’s children are equally competent/sensible/confident but it sounds like the OP’s are pretty mature.

If there was some illness/accident/serious problem then their aunt would step in. Just as she would have to if they were staying with friends and there was a illness/accident/problem.

My two would have been appalled at the suggestion that they couldn’t stay alone at 16.

I’m a little appalled at the number of posters whose teenagers apparently aren't responsible enough to look after themselves.

DH and I have just been the nominated people in exactly this kind of circumstance for a friend's teenager - emergency contact and check in point. So it doesn't have to be family to make this work.

Me and my twin brother were left lots at that age when my mum worked

Maybe also alert each of there best friends parents to check on and invite them for a home cooked meal every few days

If I was a friend I'd want to help like this too, no problem

Or a close neighbour?

They can go away for a week abroad on their own at that age or join army etc and wouldn't batter an eye lid

I'm 100000% certain DC wouldn't have any kind of party. They're very sensible and so are all their friends.

We do have several nice neighbours who I could ask to keep a discreet eye out, none we are particularly friends with but we're generally very cooperative with putting each other's bins out and feeding cats if away, taking in parcels, that sort of level of niceness.

I just mentioned the idea of DC going to stay with SiL or with a college friend, they were more appalled by that than staying home alone. Said it would be far less convenient for all concerned, somebody would have to host, DC would have to pack bags, not be in own beds, less easy commute to college, not have own desk to do homework, have to be in "guest" mode.

Also spoke to my mum who said not to come yet, DGM is not conscious but currently stable. Only my mum and those of her siblings who live locally are going to the hospital, nobody who lives further afield has been asked to come home yet.

Sounds like you've got a few days or weeks to put a plan together x

Sending love

Sorry you are having to deal with this @FarAwayFuneral . Just adding my voice to the thankfully majority chorus of it will be fine. Sounds as tho you really have prepped your teens well for dealing with life so that's brilliant. Honestly I am staggered that some people think it's not OK to leave 16/17yos alone for a few days.

And someone always says "they will have a party" and cites an example of it. I am glad to see you trust your DC (as I do mine). We left DS2 for a week at aged 17 bc he didn't want to come on a holiday with us (UK admittedly, but several hours' drive away). I called him every day and the worst thing that happened was he tried to make a veg curry recipe I do that he likes and it went wrong and he had to throw it away. He even had a couple of mates round (yes really a couple) to watch the match one night.

The house was very clean and tidy when we came home. He is by far the tidiest of my DC tbf. It was all fine.

Go be with your lovely grandmother. There is a big difference between leaving a child alone and leaving siblings. Especially twins as there isn't anyone claiming to have additional rights or privileges due to age. I'd ask the local family to pop in a few times and make sure twins have everyone's contact details.

Thanks again for all the perspectives.

We have discussed further with DC, talked about some of the scenarios mentioned on this thread and they are adamant they'll be perfectly fine at home if I have to go - they're actually eager to "prove" themselves as being nearly grown-up and responsible enough for this situation. Also spoke to lovely SiL last night to give her a heads up and she's very happy to be the emergency backstop. I've told DH to go ahead on his work trip (leaving tomorrow am).

I've informed my work that I may need to travel at short notice, got approval from manager already.

I think the problem in the UK is our children rain children for far longer than our European counterparts .
In reality I had a child at 17 but would worry about ppl calling me neglectful if I left my 17 yr old alone for a week .
I personally would leave it your discretion and obviously make sure they had a trusted adult to go to for any problems .

If you have a local support network of some sort then I’d go , and try very hard not to worry as your teens sound very capable.
I would leave them a well stocked fridge , freezer and larder .
Leave them emergency funds £ too and contact numbers if anything were to go wrong ( I don’t mean anything awful happening, I just mean if the heating were to go on the blink that sort of thing )
Do you have a kind and trustworthy neighbour ?
Because that would be good and you know another adult can help in certain circumstances