Unable to cope with certain shops

[CharlesRydersMum]

Inspired by another thread.

I cannot cope with:

Sports Direct
Primark
M and S
John Lewis
Horrible yet massive school uniform so in our local town.

If I go into a supermarket (medium as a max, cannot manage Tesco Extra for example), I wear head phoned.

This is due to the noise level, too many people and usually no windows. The latter especially makes me very stressed and I have been known to give my teenagers the money and wait outside.

I can only go into town if it's first thing in the morning and we leave by 1030 at the latest.

I'm not ND. I don't have anxiety or claustrophobia, socially I have no difficulties. Just feels like total sensory overload to the extent that my 12 year old pointed out that I would not be able to manage X activity because of this.

Does this happen to anyone else?

I can't cope with multistorey carparks. I'm fine if someone else choose to park there. I'm fine to walk around them on foot. I just can't suppress the fear , if I'm driving, that I won't be able to find the exit/ will go down the up ramp and meet a car coming up/ will crash into the sides in our local one because the down ramp is a giant swirl like a helter-skelter .I'm 60. I've never parked in one on my own

We are all on the spectrum I think. Some at the lower end or practically zero, some in the middle and some 100%. That's why it's called a spectrum I suppose!

I doubt there's anyone out there who isn't bothered by something. For instance I just will not queue for anything unless there are fewer than three people or so in front of me. Not doing it, my time is more precious than that! I don't like crowded places, primarily because I'm partially deaf and with my hearing aids, the chatter/music can do my head in. Funny enough I've no problem being on a crowded train/tram or bus shoulder to shoulder, or walking down a mad busy street dodging the wanderers.

It's very interesting reading your stories. OP I think your feelings are valid to you. Unless they interfere with your daily life I'd just accept it. If you are not happy about it, get checked, although I'm not sure how that will help except to satisfy you and your family/circle that you are not weird, you just are this way.

I'm like this, but I'm autistic. My mother used to love a long shopping trip on Saturday morning when I was a kid, and I always hated it. The combination of heat and noise and feeling trapped. I actually fainted a few times! I was so pleased when she finally agreed I could go and wait outside the shop if it got too much for me.

It's easier as an adult, but that's mostly because I wear headphones and have layers I can easily remove in winter, when inside can be so much hotter than outside. Plus control over how long I'm in there! Still, there are some I don't like to go in, and in 2020 I once had to abandon a basket of groceries because the checkout queue was so long and slow-moving. I got panicky.

I love online shopping. Find exactly what you want, have it delivered.

I find my tolerance of crowded places is affected by stress (particularly if money related). I also found very sensory stimulating places more overwhelming as I went into menopause. Didn’t realise what was happening at the time but looking back I can see a pattern.
Could either of these situations be affecting you?

We are not “all on the spectrum” at all.

The spectrum refers to people with autism who lie at different points on the spectrum. It has nothing to do with neurotypical people.

I think your response to these circumstances is entirely normal. As human beings, we thrive in quiet, green spaces filled with natural light. What you're describing is exactly the opposite of that. The problem is that the way we're designing the modern world isn't helpful for our mental health. It's mad that we think we're the problem, rather than the artificial lighting and jarring music.

Yes! There are people with some autistic traits who don't meet the threshold for clinical diagnosis, but that's not what the 'spectrum' concept is about.

OK, corrected. We are on "A" spectrum of behaviours, likes, dislikes, quirks, etc.

Is that better? I have two nephews with ASD btw. I often think I have more quirks than they do, and I am NT!

So you are ND, but you've chosen not to seek diagnosis. That's fine, but what you're experiencing is very normal for someone with autism. That's literally why shops have quiet hours.

Anyway, yes - I find some shops difficult to be in, but I can get through it. I particularly hate the lighting and mess in our local Asda, it feels horrible. I find John Lewis very relaxing though, I go in there to chill out! 😂

I don’t go into sports direct and Primark, on principle. Having thought about your post, istm it depends very much on what the actual store area is like.

I once had a panic attack, completely out of the blue, in the basement of a department store that I knew well. There have been times when I’ve been incubating a virus and I have literally not known where I was in the local Marks & Spencer store and I just couldn’t work out how to navigate my way around or out, until I could find a section that I recognised. Even though I knew all the aisles. I can’t explain but it was awful. I think, as your post suggests, it’s because there aren’t any windows.

Some older John Lewis stores did have windows but I don’t go to them often anyway so I’m not up-to-date.

I’m sometimes not good with directions and working out where I am or planning a route in my head, so it might be something to do with that. I have been diagnosed with ADHD but I don’t think I’m as strongly affected as many people.

When it happens, it’s frightening.

The only shop I can't stand is Sports Direct, there's no windows, feels like there's no air, and it's full of sports things. I hate sports of all kinds.

Unfortunately for me (although very good for her) the child loves football and swimming so I have to go into the hellhole these days.

No, the spectrum solely refers to autism.

Lots of people have quirks, likes and dislikes but that has nothing to with autism and the autistic spectrum.

People can have sensory processing disorder without being autistic, and tick "enough" boxes in not quite enough categories such that they are not diagnosable with autism but still have a similar level of struggle in certain areas of their life.

I am finding going to actual shops increasingly irritating because the chances of having the right thing in stock seems very small now. Shop assistants will blithely say don't worry, it's all online. So you might as well stay home in the first place! My (autistic) son absolutely doesn't do shops and I think we are just going to have to work round that. It's not ideal, but I think they are more optional than they've ever been before.

Just try to minimise the impact on your children, as much as you can. My (also autistic) husband works quite hard to hide some of his sensitivities to avoid passing them on, and we make a point of me taking the less sensitive child out and about to places he can't manage so that her world doesn't get smaller and smaller.

So does that mean that no one can use the word spectrum for anything other than fully diagnosed ASD?

Genuine question.

Oh and loops are good!

@northernwinds that’s my bogey store too, I feel trapped

From an evolutionary point of view it’s beneficial to get panicky in a confined space where there are no windows. Your mind/body is just trying to protect you.

I feel so trapped and melancholy in B&M!
Also can’t stand the smell of Poundstretchers. 😂

Of course not.

But the spectrum in this scenario refers to the autism spectrum, not a spectrum of human behaviour as a whole.

The only people on the autism spectrum are those with autism. While some NT people may have sensory aversions or issues with eye contact (for example) they are not on the spectrum that autistic people are on.

Can anyone cope with Sports Direct or Primark?
I don’t do huge supermarkets. I prefer to go to smaller, well organised ones. I really do not enjoy having to trail around aimlessly looking for butter.

I won't go in Primark. Acres of tat. Squalling kids running amok. Faces disfigured with lip filler and bristling lashes. Endless shuffling queues. Stench of cheap perfume and plastic.

It really is Dante's 7th circle of Hell.

I am diagnosed autistic and agemree with you except M&S (okish) and John Lewis (never been so can't comment on that). Sainsburys and Tesco are also a nightmare on the eyes! Usually leave with headaches.

Also Lush. Physically can't go in. Even standing outside makes me queasy, which is a shame because I do actually like bath bombs!

Yes to Lush. You cannot go in without being immediately pounced on by sales assistants.

JD Sports and Foot Asylum are like loud, badly organised night clubs with shoes

They're awful places

Lush is next level - physically hard for my son to even walk past, let alone go in. I can almost feel a migraine coming on just thinking about it. They must pump smells straight out onto the street.