How do I find out if my ex has lost his driving licence? Implications for the children IMO

[ididntstartthefire]

So ex has suddenly stopped driving. It was a ‘bad back’, then between cars, then MOT was due etc etc.
He lives a 7 hour drive away (his choice) so you can imagine the public transport logistics.
His parents are ferrying him about locally when he is down here to collect the children.
He is also dragging them
up to his on 3 trains plus lifts and down again.
if he was genuinely between cars it would surely be cheaper to hire a car for a month rather than all that money and hassle on trains with 3 kids plus bag s etc.
how can i find out of he's banned? because to me if he has been it’s either drink/drug driving or significant speeding offences. In my experience no one is caught the first time they do those things so it’s a safeguarding issue for my children that needs to be considered if or when he gets his licence back.

You ask him.

How often are the children doing the journey? Is staying with grandparents an option?

you presume i’m dealing with a normal human being!

the journey up to his is only on his contact time during school holidays.
the rest of the time it’s EOW and they stay with him at the grandparents house. although it will be quite boring for the children not to go anywhere and just hanging about the house all weekend.
my concern is that if he has lost his licence he has done something inherently dangerous and may well have driven in that way with the children in the car and could easily do so again. it’s about having the facts to make safe decisions for the future.

Well, he's not driving without a licence which is a positive if he has been banned in that he's not putting his dc at risk. You don't really have a right to know OP.

Hmmm tricky but ultimately its not really anything to do with you. Could be speeding, drink driving, careless driving etc.

I am sure the children would have said something to you before now like dad took us to the pub and drove home etc if he was directly putting the children at risk.

In my experience no one is caught the first time they do those things so it’s a safeguarding issue for my children that needs to be considered if or when he gets his licence back.

Whilst I understand your concern, if the license is reinstated once any period of suspension is complete, I don’t think a family court would agree that was a reason for the children to spend less time with him or not be in a car with him.

@SheilaFentiman in Family Court he is trying to paint me in such a negative light whilst having no interest in increasing his contact time and often not turning up when he fancies doing something else. if he is banned it impacts on the children being dragged about on multiple trains and he won’t have the patience needed so no doubt they will get hollered at. it also indicates his character as someone prepared to put anyone at risk including other people’s children. the children are quite young so probably wouldn’t be aware if he had driven with alcohol or drugs in his system. he does go to the pub with them and drive but until now i would have expected he had no more than a half while the children had pop and crisps. now i’m not do sure. i know he drove them at significant excessive speeds once and the judge took a dim view on that.
we are always back and forward to family court (always instigated by him) for him to always walk away with the same or less than he had before it’s just useful to have any relevant information. to me, being caught doing something criminal is relevant.
i suppose i could ask the judge and see if they order a police disclosure.
ultimately i want my children to be safe whoever they are with but sadly family court have a very low bar for the non resident parent which is as long as they are returned from contact alive, anything else is irrelevant.

If you can’t ask him, can you ask his parents? They might not tell you, but their reaction might give you a clue.

No it’s not, it’s about being nosey and intrusive. You really have no right to know and he has a right to privacy. He isn’t driving so you don’t need to worry about how safe your DC are. At most he’s doing the long journey once every couple of months. That’s not a massive hardship for the kids.
How do you know he drove them at ‘excessive speeds’?

Do you know his licence number? If so, you can check it's status here. https://www.gov.uk/check-driving-information

How long were you together? Did he speed and drink drive habitually then?

it sounds like he is banned but obviously doesn’t want to give you the ammunition to shoot him with.

some newspapers list who has been in court and the reason why, it may be worth googling his name and area if you really want to know.

How do you know it's a first offence? Three points for a series of speeding offences mounts up (it suggests he is stupid to keep doing it, but presumably his stupidity is not news to you).

It is good news though that he's stopped driving - you see people on here with XP who they believe to be banned or uninsured driving their children around.

@Soontobe60so you don’t think it is a safeguarding matter if the children are being ‘cared for’ by someone who misuses drugs or alcohol and puts the public at risk of harm? it’s my business to make sure my children are as safe as they can be and i make no apologies for that.

@Bikechicnow i dont know his licence number but that’s a useful link, thank you

@sandyhappypeoplehe was a heavy drinker and i suspect still is but i never was aware of him drunk driving but then i would not have tolerated that. he has a history of cannabis use but not while we were together as that is also a red line for me but i wouldn’t be surprised if he started again when i left him. he’s never been a safe driver and i did most of the driving when we were together.
the youngest one told me about a year ago that ‘daddy was driving with the numbers at 90 for a long time. it was really fast’ - out of the mouth of babes! i told him that he wouldn’t be taking them in a car again if he drove like that again. the judge gave him a ticking off about it warning him of consequences if he put the children at risk like that but acknowledged that we woudl only know if he was caught or there was a tragic collision.
near where i live a guy killed 3 people drug driving leaving 2 families without a father and another family mourning a daughter.

@Fifty50Fifty very good point about cumulative points meaning consistent dangerous driving. i hadn’t considered that. and yes his stupidity is not news!

it must be terrifying to know your child is being driven round by a banned or uninsured driver.

I get you, I do, but family court won't.

This comes off as (and to be fair I think it is, and I do not judge you for it) you desperately seeking a reason to paint him in a bad light.

Now I know he is a terrible person and deserves that BUT family court will punish you for it.

What I would do is ask him and just use that as evidence in itself. If he refuses to answer or says no, and it turns out he was! Well that's something. If he admits it that is also something.

Do you use a coparenting app that stores all messages and is admissible in court?

@user793847984375948

we are in family court because he loves giving me the inconvenience and hassle. there’s nothing that needs changing really, there never is. maybe a couple of loopholes he exploits need tightening up but i’m not trying to stop the children having a relationship with him. but if he is misusing drugs or alcohol i can’t make decisions about keeping the children safe without facts. i wouldn’t let them get in a car with anyone else who had been banned for the same things without assurance their behaviour had changed.
i don’t need to paint him in a bad light as he does a brilliant job of making himself look foolish without any help from me. my priority is the children’s welfare, not if he is embarrassed or not.
we do use an app but he didn’t tell me when the middle one was admitted to hospital as an emergency so he’s definitely not going to cough to me about something like this.
i'm going to watch and wait for now as it’s only been a few weeks and he may be between vehicles and my mind is running away with itself. if he is banned and is relying on trains he’s going to sharp get bored of travelling down to us in the south west when it’s freezing cold and raining sideways and one of his trains is cancelled!
i was really looking to see if there was a legitimate way to find out if someone is banned and i now know there isn’t so i just need to keep my wits about me as usual.

his parents don’t talk to me at all. they would shot ehim up regardless. his dad drunk drove at least twice that i know of (i reported him but the police didn’t catch him) so they don’t have the strongest morals in this area.

Alcohol or drug offences resulting in a driving ban are usually covered by the news locally. You could try googling his name along with the area he lives. Even if he has been banned for one of these reasons, it doesn't mean that he drove under the influence with his children in the car. So I'm not sure that having it confirmed would benefit you in family court.

No wonder the UK courts are fucked. He might be a dick but you had the children with him. FFS.

Search his name in the local newspaper for court listings.

well done for showing absolutely no insight into the complexities of relationships, love bombing, realisation but already entrapped and surviving awful physical, emotional, financial and sexual abuse.
yeah it’s always so easy to choose better fathers for our children.
wish i was as perfect as you!

tried that but as he drives from the north west to us in the south west it could be anywhere on the journey. who knew how many magistrates courts there are!