Do you feel your job/career defines you?

[BretonStripe]

If yes, can you articulate why? Or if it doesn't, why do you think that way?

I've never had a career or profession as such, just jobs. I'm now mid 40's and at a crossroads and not sure where to go, so thought I'd try and get some thoughts and feelings from others on here.

I didn’t think it did.

But now I’m not working and don’t leave the house, I realise it gave me an identity. What I did was important and I had a lot of knowledge in that area. I made a difference.

No, mine doesn’t define me. Luckily I love my job, and people are always fairly interested when I tell them what I do. BUT it’s a means to an end for me, it enables me to have the life I want.

I am a police officer, uniform for over 10 years and now plainclothes for 6ish years and a detective.

I wouldn't say my job 'defines' me but it has shaped me so much, it has moulded me and changed me in some respects. I am proud of my job and do my best to help people every day.

My friends and family know what I do so I'm always being asked questions which I'm happy to answer and so in that sense I suppose I'm defined by it, but no more than 'being a mum' defines me, because really it doesn't; I've changed since becoming a mother but I am still fundamentally me, and my own person, and not all mothers are the same and not all police officers are the same...

When I retire and my children move out I will be sad they've gone but I will fill my life hopefully with interesting things, hobbies, and I will still be me.
Just, less busy and stressed.
Hopefully!

@ninjahamster I'm sorry you're not leaving the house now, that must be tough. I have heard that people such as teachers can wrap their whole identity in their profession, then feel extra lost when they retire. I guess one benefit of not having a defined career is the possibility of that not happening, or happening to a lesser degree.

@DontBuyANewMumCashmere thank you for sharing your thoughts and reflections. I like they way you've said your job role, and then motherhood, has shaped you, but not defined you. I have friends who are teachers and nurses and I can feel quite envious that they have successful and meaningful careers (as well as being mothers).

I've never struggled with the whole 'losing your identity' when you become a mum thing, either. Perhaps because I didn't have a career before I became a mum?

I've had two very different jobs/careers; I worked as an academic for most of my life then left and went into horticulture. I still 'feel like' an academic; I still use my title and publish a bit; people still cite my work. A lot of my close friends still work in academia. So I never stopped feeling like that person, and I guess in that sense yes, it feels like a big part of my identity. I really like that - it makes me happy that I had a good career and I get to keep the nice bits of it with me. Mind you, I also really love what I do now, and I do also feel a bit defined by it, so maybe I am just the kind of person who gets tied into their work?

IME there are some people who are very 'boundaried' about work and they tend not to feel defined by it, but they also tend not to get so much enjoyment/fulfillment. And there are people who throw themselves into work, but the risk is that it becomes something that's hard to lose/step away from. I'm not sure what the difference is between a 'career' and 'just jobs' in this context.

I'm a teacher, it's so all consuming and very difficult to do without forming emotional attachments and carrying feelings of immense responsibility. In that way it's a bit like being a parent. It takes up a huge amount of space in your life so it becomes part of who you are. I am so much more than my job though but only my family and closest friends are likely to see that.

@SarahAndQuack You make some great points. Perhaps the key is keeping the nice bits, and yes to some people being more passionate, and therefore possibly less boundaried? about their work than others.

I've just Googled the difference between a job and career and the AI result says this:

The job column has definitely been me. I would love to work on long-term growth and professional ambition...I just still don't know what I'd like to do and I'm mid-40's.

Yes, because I love it and find it meaningful. It’s not a means to an end, and I’d do it unpaid.

Yes, it's a role I spent years working towards and whose demands have shaped the choices I've made throughout my life since about 15. It was part of who I am before I met DH, before becoming a mum, and while those things have also changed me, it's still a huge part of my identity. I think I'll be fine when I retire, but I do worry what I'd manage to do if I was somehow no longer capable of my current role but had to find a different job.

Oh, wait, the screenshot didn't attach above, sorry. Will try again.

Yes, it's one of the best things about my life. The second best, after my daughter. I am a teacher. It's a vocation, and endlessly interesting and rewarding.

That's interesting about the definitions.

I definitely care about having goals. I got really frustrated in one job because it became clear there wasn't going to be any upwards progression. I was learning, but there wasn't any structure for using that learning coherently, or for building from it.

But I think people's ideas about jobs vs careers are still quite influenced by an outdated model where people used to have one career for life, and if you lost your job you had to start again at the beginning.

What might you want to get into?

Yes. I am a teacher and have been for over 15 years. I left my job Covid time, and felt bereft. Like if I wasn’t a teacher, what was I?! Even though I left for my family, I felt my identity had gone.
Went back for a couple of years, left last year to tutor online to work around my family once more.

There is a lot of negativity around teachers, but I can genuinely say, it’s the best profession in the world and it’s who I am ❤️

ETA: my friends and family don’t understand this career choice, because it’s definitely more a vocation, but your colleagues become everything to you because they get it!

My profession is a big part of my identity to me, but many of my friends don't really know what I do in any detail so it's somewhat compartmentalised but I love my work and colleagues, we all quite happily talk about the wider field we are in over lunch, send each other relevant articles etc. If I meet another one of us randomly through a hobby or wherever it makes my day and we get stuck straight into talking about it. I took a gap year through redundancy when my DCs were pre-school age and definitely had a wobble even though I loved the time with the DCs, I'm now nearer retirement but will always be that profession in my mind. I had to re-certify for my chartered status a few years ago and realised how much it all meant seeing it all written down, how interesting I find CPD etc.

You sound like my teacher friends, and they would wholeheartedly agree with you. Thank you for everything you do to help raise healthy and happy future generations 😊

That's the million-dollar question! I am very open-minded, have a strong work-ethic, passionate about lifelong learning, adaptable etc so whatever role I've been in I've run with it and taken all the opportunities available to me. I've enjoyed many aspects of different jobs, but don't know what to do going forward. I usually start off doing admin but then the boss will see something in me and I'll end up doing media, comms, community engagement, training/assessing. I've worked in a variety of sectors including public (council and police), third sector/charity and now in the private sector (adult social care). I'm like you and thrive on goals and need reassurance that there can be career progression. But then life gets in the way sometimes for me !

I'm just so confused about where to go from here. Caught between "this job is great as I enjoy it, it fits with family life and pays the bills" and "you need to stick to one thing and forge a 'proper' career path".

I've always admired people who just knew what they wanted to do when they were older and stuck to it. I break out in a sweat when I meet new people and they ask "what do you do?" as feel like I'm a jack of all trades/bit of a loser.

Sorry for the ramble!

I had a feeling this thread would bring out police officers, teachers and nurses/doctors🙂I agree those are vocations, callings, and many people definitely don't choose those careers for the money. Often find those vocations run in families, don't they? My parents were very working class; builder and a cleaner/carer.

Just fascinated by how much of our identities are tied up in what we do for a living. I guess it's a little like the nature/nurture debate. Are we who we are because of what we do, or do we do what we do because of who we are inherently? (I have often wondered this when I dated a couple of chefs in my younger years !).

I wouldn't say my career defined me, but that my career and personality were so wound up in the same thing that I didn't know where one began and the other ended. I was a gardener before I retired, but I was a gardener before I was a gardener. My earliest photos are of me in the garden with a trowel in my hand and I never put it down.

In the busiest time of my career I ran a gardening business and in my spare time gardened. Now I'm retired, I have a garden, an allotment, I volunteer in a National Trust garden and run an honesty stall selling my home grown fruit, veg and flowers.

I can't not garden.

My work was in a technical environment, I worked mostly with other technical people, we were all men at our level and above. Mostly only mixed with other tech people at younger age. Was about 30 before I made friends with other professional or engineering people.
Always thought of myself as a particular or specialised type of technician. So it gave me a way to think of myself.

The work has long gone, even that subset of the industry has just faded away.

My career is one of a handful of things that define me. It's not the be-all-and-end-all but it is important to me.

Yes in that I am highly qualified and experienced, and can actually make a difference. Yes in that in the face of unexpected events a few back it was the constant that made me get up and out in the morning, put on my game face until eventually life became bearable.

In entirety? No. In part? Of course.

It’s a part of the life path that you, for whatever reason, have chosen. You’ve decided to dedicate large parts of your life to that specific industry/job/role whether that’s because it fits well around family, paid enough, was your passion or whatever else it is.

Especially if it’s a profession - most have codes of ethics, conduct or requirements for how you live and work to a greater or lesser extent.

Yes I think so.
I came to my job 3 years ago, I'd always been in hospitality in some way but after covid I wanted to be my own boss and not be working to make someone else look good.
I did manage a place first for someone else but within 6 months due to turning the place around I now run my own pub.
I like that people know to call on me personally for parties and to play live or host stuff with us. It's long, unsociable hours and yes sometimes you get abuse. But it's good, and I thrive at it.

I am a nurse, and my job has always been such a big part of who I am that I suppose it does define me. I am a nurse, I am a mum, I am/ was a wife, I am a widow. I am not much else, which probably says more negatively about me and my lack of hobbies and interests than it does positively about nursing.